Birthdays

Wow!

Another year has gone by and apparently I'm a year older now. Weird. It totally doesn't seem like it's been a whole year at first glance but then I think about how much has changed over that time and it all makes sense. I think back to projects, transitions, new friendships, new commitments, celebrations, contemplation and a whole lot of learning not only about things but about myself. It all quickly brings it back to timelines that make sense in this real world. The idea that things aren't instantaneous at all, that they take hard work, dedication and mostly time. And WAY more often then we'd like, they take a lot longer to accomplish than we initially think would be possible.

I guess this time, this birthday, this period of contemplation marks a pretty epic time in my life. I feel a lot nay a lot of love coming in my direction and in terms of wonderful things in the life, love is pretty crazy high on the list. Definitely a front runner! Also at this time of my life, I feel truly happy. I'm not stuck clinging to just one thing in my life as a barometer. It seems like a more complex system and it seems to err on the side of just going with it and being happy. And really why not, there's so much to be thankful and happy for, so many things going on that I never thought possible.

One very cool thing that has happened during this past year has been the connections that I've made. My favorite friendships are when I have close connections, the ones where you can talk about what's going on and just be straight up, there's trust in there and sometimes you can just let the wall down and show your cards no matter if you're bluffing or not.

Last night I celebrated my birthday. No, I'm not old though some people my age may say "I'm old, dude." I'm not sure what is keeping me so young, maybe it's that I still live at home, or maybe it's the optimism. I haven't been crushed by the truths of life in some time so that's also a factor haha. Anyway, I digress. So the celebration included Sushi which saw many more guests than I had planned for then drinks and Karaoke. The karaoke turned out to be half karaoke, half dance party which is really what I was hoping for. I loved it. Birthdays work best if as many people as possible are having a killer time. The karaoke dance party was one of the most fun experiences of that I've had. I highly suggest! Just find a great place with rooms for rent, get a bunch of friends and just hang loose. Break out those dance moves you're too shy to do in public, dance on couches, pump your fist, jump up and down and just for fun, do a Spice Girls song and a Biggie track back to back. Really the key is to get into it. The sooner that happens, the sooner it's amazing!

Thank you to every single person that came out to my birthday. You made it a pretty unforgettable experience. Really, you made the party! And thanks for all the wearable birthday decor stuff. I got a pirate hat card, a birthday hat with some sick lions and tigers with balloons attached plus a hawaiian lay (get it?)

Anyway, I think I'm going to relax a bit with some tv, and fuel up for some hardcore work tomorrow morning.

Love you all.

Peace, love and rock,

J

Good Good Things

Wow! Good week!

It's only Thursday night and I've felt so many good moments come along. It's just great, it not only leaves me a little warmer inside but gives me even more hope for the future. It's a mix of so many things, small little changes to good friends working through things to small family issues and a sense that things are moving forward and they're being worked on. I no longer feel like I'm behind on everything, I have a sense of accomplishment every day and I'm not cutting myself off from friends and social environments. I do have to say that there are a few friends I very badly need to check in on and catch up with but I'm sure time will allow such things very soon with the weekend coming up.

Have you ever worried about something that you knew was coming? I mean worrying to the point of dreading it full out? Perhaps it hasn't been quite that extreme but one main project I'm working on is a high pressure one. It HAS to be good. Just by the mass of time that I've put into it through the past year, it MUST be a success. I'm sure it will be. In a way, I feel like it already has been. I've learned so much through day to day interaction with my client and how to keep things going well, never to promise too much too soon and to really take some time to get things right before handing them over. Anyway... My point was back to the things coming up. In the case of this project, it's finally the meal. And you know what? It looks like it's the perfect portion. It doesn't seem overwhelming, I know I can do it and how is that? One mouthful at a time. And you know what else? Each bite is pretty sweet. It might be pie or brownies.

There are some things that have been on my heart this week and at membership (at freechurch) a question was put out right at the end. The pastor asked if anyone had anything that was on their heart this week that they wanted everyone to pray for and really the thing that I had there was my grandma. It was sitting on my whole heart. It's a big thing. But yeah, in speaking to the size of the importance, I'm just about done at the studio so I think I'm going to rush home and see if I can spend a little bit of time with her. I really don't do that nearly enough. The last month of rarely being at home hasn't helped it increase any either.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is having a stellar week.

Love to all from a pretty happy place,

J

I love love my church

K, seriously... time for some reflection time in a big big way.

Preface - I go to this (I mean I'm a part of) this wicked church community called "freechurch". Definitely worth a look see for anyone looking for something a little different or if you haven't been to church in years because it wasn't really a place for you and wonder if there's a place for some God in your life or even if you've never been to a church or know anything about God, Jesus and the like. It's an amazing place to be while you try and figure out all of that and where you are in it.

So yeah back to loving the church.

Picture this, you're part of a church that uses a projector for song lyrics so everyone can do "worship" (singing in this context) and know the words cause some songs are new, some are old and we can't always remember everything now can we? So yeah, you're part of this church and someone steals your projector... err... not so sweet eh? Sad really. Really sad. Then you get another projector for use and it blows up (almost litterally but if it's more fun to picture a projector becoming a flaming pile of plastic and glass after it's spontaneously combusted have at it). Then what do you do? Well you borrow a projector, and when that projector is killed off almost like another act of God, what then? The projector is never the focus, just an aid.

This is my church.

So yeah, my church, takes it as a sign that we should reconnect, worship a little different and just go with the idea of chaos. Chaos is cool right? Well if you're part of a church you're used to yknow... pews, isles, rows, the standard... Order? Yeah. Well this week, we changed everything.

Upon entering the church, each member from the community was faced with all the chairs in the main area of the church scattered facing different directions in no order what so ever. It was utter chaos. The balcony seating was blocked off as well indicating that we're all sticking on the ground level for this one, there was no escaping the misguided chairs.

Yup take a moment to visualize this really. It's astounding. All the chairs in the church are set up, ready for sitting but they have no order at all. When you are accustomed to walking in to a nice orderly setting this is jarring. The alter is also place to the side, and on stage is a stool and a guitar. As each person entered it was amazing to watch. Each person was hesitant, confused, worried a little bit but they each had faith in the ways of our community and entered and found a seat. How wicked cool is that? I think that did something very very special. It allowed each person to walk in and take a moment before they sat down. It created this great break, a harsh division in the day that was your Sunday like a line of chairs shouting "YOU'RE HERE!"

The mood of everyone shifted dramatically from the previous, somewhat somber week. Instead we were all genuinely excited about what was to happen next. I figured we'd just sing like we usually do but instead we were all – allow me to repeat ALL – invited up by the alter to sing in praise and celebrate. We all walked up the stairs and had one of the best worship sessions at FT since we moved into the new space. One of the things that always made me love love FT (freechurch toronto) is the idea that you could sing along with the songs and close your eyes and hear many excited, genuine voices in your ear. And this was very much in that vein. To be singing, lifting up your heart I guess, and to hear everyone in your ears so loud as this unified voice was simply amazing. I loved every moment of it. It almost seems like something that should be done once a month. Perhaps it's something that will come back for the love feast so we don't have that much setup? Either way, the feeling of the sermon and back to worship after and the whole night was something that I won't likely forget anytime soon.

I can't say that this week would have been the most inviting week to anyone walking off of the street but it was definitely necessary and served a much different purpose. This week, it was for us, for our little family. A time for us to really let it out and be together. And isn't that something we all want?

Anyway, I doubt there's anyone reading this that's new but if you are new, or if you've just been stalking me blog and live in Toronto and don't go to freechurch, please do check it out. I always thought of it as a place that people can get lots of things out of. Even if you don't consider yourself super religious, you might just be surprised. Currently, I attend the evening service which is at 5pm to 7pm on Sunday. You can find freechurch on the southside of College and Bathurst. (College and Bellevue to be exact).

Anyway, it's late, I need to finish up some work (crazy as it may sound at 1pm) but I hope you all have a wonderful, day and night. Love to all and as much peace as you can handle.

J

Visiting Otown

Hey all,

Long time no bloggy...

Aye... Things have been busy for sure. I've been having the feeling like I've been working two jobs. I'm doing some freelance stuff during the day and working on my longtime freelance book project at night while in the new space.

The new space is awesome. I'm highly enjoying just being there and there is definitely an air of work going on, no laundry to do, no chores, no mess that I have to clean up, just a monitor, a light, a couple books, work to be done and some company. Love it. I've been sure to spend as much time there as possible as I'm paying for the space and yeah.. it's been lovely.

I started something called membership this past week at my church. Basically it's a more formalized commitment to the community that is freechurch (freedomize). I feel like I'm already there and this is just the formal action of it all. I love freechurch and it's definitely a place and people I can associate with home. Oh right, one pretty amazing advantage of actually being a member is being put into a "living room". It's basically a gathering outside of church that happens every week. There's curriculum and other things they can cover, possibly bible study. It's a closer group and a lot of the time the groups end up being like family. That's pretty sweet.

Anyway, right now I'm visiting my sis in Otown for Thanksgiving. Time to go chill out with all the fam.

Love to all. Happy Gobble gobble!

J

Day of excitement

Super super quick posts!

Today is a day of excitement. I'm sitting in the space that I'll be calling my work space for the unknown length of time that is the future. My eyes are sore from lack of sleep, my brain slightly dizzied from the work ahead but it could feel much better than this. Though this week I'll be working on contract outside of this sweet space during the day, I'll visit at night and then rock some serious business next week. Right here.

Stay tuned for many exciting updates and progress of this space and the work that will inevitably flow out. Standards are set on high, let's rock.

J

Let's rock! With a little extra umph!

K so I've been due for another update on things like huge! I know! It's been harder to keep a regular blog lately because of the winds of work that keep blowing my sail. That... would be a good thing. Actually a great thing!

So I remember wanting to tell about so much about everything but I'll have to keep it brief because it's already late and I actually have somewhere to be in the morning. That's pretty shocking I think.

The many weeks that have gone by have been ones of careful contemplation, bursts of energy and an element of risk that I'd like to explain. All of these things are tremendously good though.

Before I get into the super serious life stuff, lemme chat a little about a movie. I saw that effected me pretty deeply. At least while I was viewing it. "500 days of summer" Seen it? If not you probably should. Well if you've been in a relationship that somewhere along the lines went sour and is no longer you have even more of a reason to see it. I can describe the movie or at least parts of it as a knife to my chest just because of the true tone. Just like sermons can echo certain aspects of my life, this movie had a very similar mirror effect. My life isn't quite as harsh or eventful but in terms of the emotions, pretty spot on. The stories main characters are Zooey Daschanel and that guy from 10 things I hate about you. Very natural characters and a great story. It definitely makes you think about relationship and when they work and when they don't. Such rollercoasters at times.

Well the serious part of life. I've been in this situation where I'm trying hard to wrap up a project that I'm doing as a freelance job and move on to finding full time employment and get my butt into the city. It's all in one sentence because I thought of it all as one thing for quite some time. Simple, finish, get job, move out from the burbs into the city, work hard and enjoy city living. Rock! We all know life tends not to be as easy as we see it. I now know there's quite a few steps in between and I think it's a journey I'm going to thoroughly enjoy.

I was recently asked to move into a big house with a few friends. Rent was 500 bucks a month and the location was great as was the group of friends. What an amazing opportunity I thought. Then looking into my account, the reality of it all was that I was pretty tapped and didn't have the sort of cash for first and last months rent. And the weeks continue and an opportunity arrises to move into a loft a few friends were renting as a workspace. I would only be moving the work side of my life and finally making a clear break from home and work in this world I call freelance. Again, checking funds they were low but I felt this was the right move, the situation was right for me and current situation. It would make me commit to freelance work into the new year at least and make me work harder than I ever had before. Plus there's the huge added bonus of being around super talented guys in similar fields as my own. I can learn a lot here. I expressed huge huge interest and continued thinking and wondering if this was a risk. It was, if I was unable to pay rent to the space or all those other bills that one has when they have a cell phone, a band and a car, then I'd be shooting myself in the foot.

In the midst of this I had a serious deadline for something hugely important for my church. We were changing names and rebranding and I had been brought in to help with some of the communication graphics. Loving the chance to work with all the talented people I jumped into it and though my schedule was rammed, I found 3 hardcore work days in a row. That hadn't happened for me in months, at least not on anything I was truly cared for in my heart. I had some materials to get to a client and once that was all done I would be able to work on a sandwich board and send out a proof for approval. I did run later than I would have imagined but I worked my butt off and got it done. When I heard how people liked it I was beyond happy.

During the work and the next few days after that Sunday I had a feeling that someone was right there with me. Almost like the big man had his hand on my shoulder letting me know it's going to be alright. It was a crazy feeling and really gave me the faith to jump in and commit to the studio space. The most amazing thing happened just a few days after my decision, I got calls from a bunch of different perspective clients. Now everything is all too amazing. I took out the cashola for rent today, and tomorrow I start in on a project that will go a long way to paying my bills for the next month. There's just so much to love in a situation like this. I think that I must have people praying for me and I couldn't be more thankful.

Wow, I'm not sure how well I've been writing this post but I'm almost done. I want to send a huge congrats to MR. ASSOCIATE PASTOR at freechurch (our new name!) Kevin Makins. He just became associate pastor after being an intern for a year. This is an exciting time for so many reasons, so much good around, so much to be thankful for and so much more to look forward to.

Love to all,

J

hand on shoulder

A quick hello to the world before zzzzzz...

Hey all!

It's kinda late and I just got home. 2:17 to be exact and I just got home. On a ... Wednesday! I've felt super blessed through this week. It's almost like planted trees are beginning to bear fruit. Amazing. Each night of the last 3 days getting home well after midnight I think to myself how good it feels to play music and then I think about how great it feels to be playing with the guys I am. It's allowed for these crazy nights of mission into the city, bro-ing down and making some magic and coming home pretty content and fulfilled. Music has kept me going multiple times in my life. When I felt like I had nowhere to go and I was stuck I turned to music and it always did me well. If I was ever having problems getting up in the morning, it must have been on days when there was no music going on haha. I think the energy I get from it keeps me going through the late night drives etc.

Newly reinstated with high success is my morning walk/run. Yeppers, it's small, not a huge amount of exercise but it works better than coffee to turn that morning mushy grey matter into something I can use. Today was pretty fantastic, some of that fruit we were talking about. I woke up at 7, went for a walk and did a little running but not too much. I try not to exert myself on mornings when I have practice. It makes things harder to play than they should be. But I was able to get back home and be working by 8:30. The other pretty sweet thing is that I was at it straight until 1:30 without breaks or anything like that. The next thing I have to work on is prodding my brain again around lunch time so it doesn't fall asleep at 3:30 like it did today. I was fighting that 3pm wall so hard. I didn't give into a nap though. Felt really good.

The other super sweet thing about the morning is that it's pretty quiet in terms of people noise. You can hear lots of nature, trees in the wind, squirrels running about, and chirping birds. I use that all as the background for my time with the big man. It's a nice way to start the day.

Anyway, I'm putting dents in the mound of work I have and it feels amazing. Productivity continues tomorrow so I'm going to arm myself with some great zzz and crazy dreams.

Peace, love and rock,

J

Being a Christian is like...

Dancing in your underwear on the side of a hill. Amazing!

So ft was fantastic tonight.

I've just realized this has become the ft ranting blog but anywho I'll continue.

Worship was just Andrew and a guitar. It was great to hear the singing in the place. A really wonderful weather weekend to boot. The vibe was all good things and the sermon really packed a punch. Kevin was preaching today. The first line in the blog is from his sermon but I don't know if I got it quite exactly right. I might go back and listen to the sermon to remember a few lines and how they were delivered. It was really great. It was about God creating wind, and breath that makes things sing. We create great things that are filled and celebrate great things, a little piece of heaven on earth. And he also mentioned the organ that we have in our building and if it were to play it would sound like this. And then the organ played. The organ has been silent for all of our services thus far and it was beyond amazing to hear it cued in such a manner and for it to be such an amazing surprise. I won't hide it at all. I was just about tearing up at that moment. A few tears built up but never fell to my cheek haha. Amazing. Music has that effect on me though. I really felt it go right into me at that point.

I know that I'm going to think about what I've done to make things better for someone else each day at least for the rest of the week. It makes me think about the things I've been focussing a lot of my brain power on these past few weeks. Kind of lost in it all. Time to refocus, time to prioritize and think of others. The rest of that will just happen I think.

Anyway, totally time for bed.

Peace, love and rock to all,

J

Sweet like honey!

Wow, it's 1pm and I've got only a small scrap of work completed for the day. That being said I have just started. I thought I'd share my mood though before I embarked on what most definitely will be an adventure that is my Monday.

Something about the air of the day feels good and calm. It could be that I'm again alone in the suburban house that I live in. My parents are away right now and my aunt is visiting and helping take care of my Grandma. With these visits always comes a certain degree of craziness. She has a way about her that isn't bitter or worn down by the matters of past years and the day to day grind, an energy about her attentiveness to everything that is quite impressive. It's also different than my mom who bears the stresses of the every day and the past 25 years. Yes, there's something amazing about my aunt and at the same time, something that my family can sometimes find to be too much. Now that she's taken Grandma out and the energy in the house has somewhat normalized I find myself thinking about my family dynamics and how I react to certain things like my aunt and her ways. I was thinking this morning about children who have lost a parent or something like that and are forced to live with an aunt or someone great but someone that is definitely not their parent. It's such a hard thing I think. That person can be amazing but as creatures of habit, no matter how good, bad, high strung, etc our parents can be we come to love them just as they are. They could be the most imperfect people on the planet but yet we love and defend them. If I were in the situation of being raised by someone else other than my mom I think I'd have some serious rebellion problems. It's weird. I'm not that type of person yet I feel like I understand why I'd react in those ways. Change is sometimes hard eh?

Anyway, that's not the direction I was thinking to take this morning but I guess it was sitting on my heart as I ate breakfast. Now the house is quiet and the reality is that I've had an amazing day so far. I woke up admittedly late... Well technically, I woke up on time, turned off all my alarms and slept for another two hours. So yeah, woke up late and got straight outside to wake up while walking. This is something I've really come to enjoy in the past few weeks. It's given me time to wake up, get the blood flowing a little for the day, get some sunshine and pray a little. That being said my brain is such a scattered mess in the morning, the only constant is the pacing of my footsteps but I think God understands. Anyway right now I'm sitting at my computer after my breakfast and feel super blessed to be doing what I am right now, to have friends that are supportive and care so much and all of that. A guy couldn't ask for much more. Well except someone to love but all in time right? All in the right channels and all that too. This morning I took a quick peek on plenty of fish again. I had deactivated my account quite a while ago and with a look at a few profiles I knew there wasn't anything there for me. A friend of mine said something about love recently that has stuck with me the last few weeks. "Love finds you when you're poor." She quickly followed that with "I'm broke so I think I've got a good start." Amazing! It is true though and has been true in my life. Love really does find you. When you're seeking for it, it just doesn't happen. Love should be easy, at least at first.

Anyway, deep breaths, I'm running behind on a few very important jobs so I better get to it. Crank the Phoenix and chair dance my way to victory this afternoon.

Peace, love and rock,

J

Such a good night. I feel better.

I think this is another ft post. It's just what I'm feeling for tonight.

AH! Amazing. Tonight was another ft with some loud singing and I absolutely loved it. I'm not sure what the exact reason was but I have a couple ideas. There were no drums for worship tonight. I think a friend is in town. Someone I don't know but I think his name is Reg. He plays the almighty cello. And he was playing tonight for worship. So it was Andrew on Guitar and vox, Reg, the man on cello, Joel and Brad shared bass duties and Christine took the reigns on keys which was awesome. I didn't know she played piano. Sometimes simple arrangement changes can really bring out the best in the singing at ft. I think it might have been a combination of that and a pretty moody day with the rain and all that. I think it was the first time we had service and could hear the rain and cars going by splashing the water in the street around. It added another layer to everything. Of course I closed my eyes lots during service just letting it out when I could actually hit the right notes haha.

I'm not exactly sure why but I decided I wasn't going anywhere after service tonight, it just seemed like a proper mood to be a bit productive and reflective to myself. I think there's been some underlying tension with some things this week. I have an inkling of what it is but I won't do that venting just yet. I think a few others could see it in me. I think it made me a little tired for the day. I thought about things that might have changed from a few months ago and it all seems to make sense. There's a slight bit of insecurity seeping back into my life. I guess that's normal though because I've spent so much of my life being timid and holding back. I'm aware of it all though and I'm sure it's going to fade pretty quickly this week.

Oh, I did have a pretty amazing week. I got lots of work stuff done though not quite as much as I was hoping for. I also went to take my G driving test for the first time. I didn't pass it but for the first time in my life, I've failed at something and I wasn't destroyed about it. It's not that I didn't care or anything like that but I felt a little more mature about it. I was comfortable that I took the test and did fairly well but had a few things to work on. I know I'll ace it next time no problem. Weird how things like that work. Like many things the past little bit, I feel like it was supposed to happen that way. It ties so well into things I've been reading and thinking about trying, giving things your all and it's not the end of the world if they don't work out. I'm reading a great book about takings risks actually. I kind of feel like these past couple months has been me packing my bags for the rest of my life. I'm growing so much and learning so much about myself and little things like that I can carry around for a little bit and refer back to them.

Funny enough the sermon tonight was about seeds and growth. Things tying into each other... so good. It kind of made me think of a friend of mine I know that's really searching for something solid to sink into in this life of constant flux. I think I should invite her out to ft. Perhaps I will. The thing is I have no clue what she'll think about the actual service. I guess we'll find out if I have her out.

Anyway, I think I should get back to all that work and stuff drawing jailbreaking mongooses. haha.

Peace, love and rock,

J

The Quickest Update!

Let's rock!

It's Monday! Hooray!

The week was a rough one. Lots of work, many late nights and almost all nighters, working till 4am and waking up at 7 to go to work and do other things like bake corn bread (which was delicious). I'm so glad I made that corn bread. I had some in client office work meetings that went really well and made a little money doing that so that's always happy. I think I was biting a little bit too much off at one time this week though because I have another cold. It's a slight one and my body is battling it pretty well considering I haven't done too much to increase my sleeping to give me a fighting chance. Echinacea, effervescent vitamin c, and extra strength daytime cold medicine at my side but a pretty peppy attitude is in the forefront. I fell great. Being active is great and though I wish things were a little slower right now, the pace of coming and going and working and just dealing with it all is great for me.

The weekend was amazing. I was privileged to attend a listening party for a friends CD to figure out the order and which songs would make it on his upcoming full length for summer. All the songs were amazing and I'm still in awe of the talent of this one man band/writer. Such a diverse style too. That night I really felt at peace though I was really tired from the week. I even had crazy amounts of work to do when I got home but it was all worth it. Music and close church friends rock. I think it was my first chance to hang out and witness my friends baby in full fighting force. She's awesome!

Friday there was a house show with some church friends and it was such a hometown kinda night everyone just chilling. It's so good when we folk get together at events outside of church. So fun. And the air is still pretty great. They're all a great group of people and it gives people new to the church an opportunity to come out and be part of something new. I got to know a few people a little better too. I called it a short night, gave some good friends a ride home and headed home myself straight to bed. I did have a nap in preparation for the night and it was definitely a good call.

Saturday called for an impromptu wine and cheese party. Super good food, super good company and an amazing host made the night super success. It was hard but I tore myself away for an hour or two to go see Four Year Strong and Set Your Goals. If you've never heard set your goals, definitely pay attention and take a sampling of some of the stuff when it's released on the 21st. I have a leaked version (SHHHH) and it's amazing. That being said, I'm definitely going to buy it (ON VINYL) when it comes out. The album is easily one of my favorite this year. And I like it a lot better than the current Four Year Strong disk. They need a new full length soon! Anyway, returning back to the party, I talked to people I never had before from ft. Getting into conversation, I ended up staying till 3:30. Enoch is the host with the most for sure. Thanks so much!

Ever devoted to my good friends I was determined to make it for breakfast at 9:30 in Mississauga so I drove home and got to bed around 4:15, slept fast and woke up at 8. I was on time for breakfast!! Amazing!! I think it's easier to wake up when lots is going on cause I just go with the flow. If the flow is waking up when the alarm tells you, I go with it. haha.

Sunday was an awesome morning breakfast with good friends, hanging out with my sister for a bit of her birthday and then ft service. The sermon was remarkably short for ft. Usually they go for an hour. I was a little surprised as I'm sure a few others were but I heard later this was due to the morning service that was just starting up. Since they have less time to tear down afterwards, and it was the first week of the morning service they didn't want to run over. That's going to be tough. I hope that as they sort out the morning service, the night service will continue to be that flagship service where we do get the word like usual or something like it. But all in time. I think it's remarkable what is happening at ft and so far everything has gone so well. I wonder how well our new space would handle a fully acoustic set. I think a few of us that like singing are really hankering for another one of those. Oh.. before that happens we might want to fix some of the overheads to some of the songs. The arrangement to some of the words gets a little out of order. It's on a few of the best songs at ft too. Ah.. just kinks. We'll totally get to them in time.

The greatest thing... new faces! Although we had morning service that day, the church was still pretty full. There were new faces everywhere. Before the sermon we get to stand up and say hello to the people around us for a little bit. I find that always helps when you see new people. You're able to walk up and say hello. For anyone new it means a lot. If anything, I think we could have that portion a little bit longer in weeks coming when we have a lot of new people. I'm sure I saw a few people that didn't get any hello's. My heart goes out to them and I really do hope they come back next week.

Anyway.. quite a church related weekend but an awesome one at that.

So not the quickest update ever. Probably the most vague batch of information ever yes.

Thoughts on all of it later. For now.. Yeah I'm late. Gotta roll!

Peace, love and rock!

J

Saturday

A little post of energy before bed

I don't know if there is anything quite like a little bloggy before bed. It's like a bed time snack for your thoughts and emotions and instead of making you feel full and sleepy, it lets your mind be at peace and empty or perhaps just a little less full, less reeling from the moments before you write the post.

Well tonight I come to the bloggy not because my mind is reeling. I wanted to write about a guest preacher we had at freedomize (church) tonight. At first I thought I'd put something simple like "Todd Cantelon... Much Love". That expresses a lot of what I mean to get out but I feel that may be too exclusive. Only people that might have been there might understand or even have a remote idea of who Todd Cantelon is. That was more like a facebook status post. Here's a little more. Todd was 1 of 2 people responsible for the "church plant" that is Freedomize Toronto. Freedomize Toronto (ft) is the church I go to and love and call home. The term church plant is basically an equivalent to a business start up but in more churchy terms. Instead of starting a business, you're starting a church. Instead of getting customers, you want to get a congregation that will return every week and be part of a community. I can imagine it would be much easier to start a business than a church simply because of what's involved and what's at stake when dealing with a church. It's peoples beliefs, problems, outlooks on life, God, Jesus, their upbringing and so much more. If Todd didn't have a grand vision of ft from the beginning I wouldn't likely be going to church right now and my life wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling as it is. I could still be having my miserable Sundays before the drudgery of the week took me away on Monday.

Anyway today was about much more than just Todd being at ft. He was guest preaching. His sermon was super passionate and gave me (and many others as I found out) insight as to how ft started off, what it was like in a time before I was there etc. Todd speaks very um... loudly at times, sometimes his delivery is even Chris Rock-esque. I found myself laughing at moments when the delivery was so close and humorous in tone. The message comes from a great place though. The sermon mainly focussed on Jesus being living water and with that water we would never be thirsty again. Todd was also clear that this did not mean provision. In fact he drew a very hard line between the stars we idolize and their millions of dollars and rockstar lifestyle and a follower of Jesus. Which do you think he would have said the happier was?

All in all I enjoyed the sermon. It's dynamic, it's message, it's impact and the fact that I'll likely be thinking about it all week long. Like I said before. Todd Cantelon... Much Love.

I think the sermon came at an interesting time in my life though. Sometimes sermons at ft can ring that little bell at the top of the tower. Yknow the one with the giant mallet you have at carnivals. It makes a slide whistle sound as it goes up and makes a "DING DING DING" if the thingy goes all the way to the top. Yeah. That happens when the sermon is so on the money. This sermon wasn't in exact time like that but I feel like it might lay some groundwork for the week ahead.

Yesterday, Saturday night, I decided I might actually stay at home, get some work done and lay low for the night. I had a number of places to go but at the last moment I figured in light of the weeks events with my parents, I might make an effort to be around and stayed home. I could get some work done and hang out with the parents and chit chat. Unfortunately, the end result was I didn't get too much work done, I did read a bunch but I also talked very little with my parents. I was around them for the whole night for the most part but they spent most of the day being tired from their day out and focussing in on that damn tv box. I really wish sometimes we didn't have a tv at home. (Sometimes... shhh). For some reason the doing nothing for the night only served to make me feel lethargic. I had great sleep the night before and yet I was pretty exhausted and did nothing from 11pm onward. I slept for another long period last night and slept past my alarms today finding it almost impossible to wake up. I think I fell back asleep 3 or 4 times before shooting out of my bed fearing it would happen another time. Then today it took me nearly forever to leave the house. I had all intentions of getting into the city really early, working on a few things I need to get done and hanging out a little before church. I ended up having time only to get to church, chat for 5 or 10 and sit down. So crazy.

I've learned something from this. Over the past few months I've got my motivational patterns almost down to a science. I know full well that Saturday night is not a productive night unless I'm sitting next to someone I'm actually working with. Past 6pm on a Saturday I should be getting ready to get out of the house for part of the night because if I don't, I will probably go crazy. Sitting at home on a Saturday night often leaves me feeling like I'm stuck somehow in where I am in my life thus the lethargy kicking in. Right.. I've learned something! I've learned I should probably stick to things I know definitely work for me and stay away from certain things I know absolutely don't. Staying home on a Saturday night to get work done if I'm not super excited about it.. that would be on the definitely not list.

I feel that I should mention that I don't have a necessity to go out, spend the night on the town, spend money, be a baller etc. I think the need for me is to be social. If I had someone to spend time with and be social with here at home, a sister, a significant other, a parent that wasn't pooped from their day that would be awesome. I think when I leave the house on a Saturday night I'm really just seeking some social time, some time to chill out, chat and perhaps do something a little random. I could just as easily spend a night in with a friend or roommate if I had one, making pasta and checking out some movies but I don't have such a luxury right now. You may wonder why I feel the need to mention ALL THAT. Well I recently thought about it myself. I was asked a question regarding to my constant going out, constant adventures in the city. A friend commented that I'm always going out and I must have lots of friends. I don't know that that's really the case. It's just that I have a need to be social, to be close with my friends, to spend time with them and all that. Having solidly booked activities like band practice twice a week, rock climbing once a week and church on Sunday makes evenings already half occupied. I have to say that it makes scheduling interesting sometimes but I do like to be active in music and physical activity and spiritual activity. It almost ensures a well rounded week.

Anyway, I think this post has become like many of mine in the past little bit, too long, too late at night. I don't have too much more to post. Oh I'll mention one more thing.

On Friday, I walked from Leslieville, stopped in to see a friend at work, and walked all the way to the Toronto Outdoor Art Expo while taking pictures. I walked around the expo for 2 hours or so then headed back to my car parked in Leslieville (on food again). It was such a great day. Mind you, the walk took about 6 hours in total. I'll miss the opportunity to do things like that when I have a fulltime job.

It's bed time. Early morning wake up and work session.

Peace, love and rock,

J

Cough update

Oh and my cough is gone! Hooorah!

Love ya,

J

Welcome to Saturday! Party all let's dance!

Today could be a day of a simple post but I'll just get to writing and see what comes out of my fingertips haha.

So the past week has been er... good and bad. Very productive, strategically, physically, mentally and also in work. It's nice to have a productive week. I guess the whole week starts on the past Sunday. I helped out at Freedomize with drumming. Freedomize or ft is a church I've been going to from Advent. They have a band or singer & guitar etc lead the songs (worship) each week. The band had 3 drummers essentially backing it up this past week, me stage right. It was pretty fun for sure. I wish we had spent a little time tuning the kits together before hand though cause I could have sworn that my drums weren't in tune with Mike's haha. Good enough for rock and roll though. I'll be attending a drum tuning clinic at some point this month so I'll get a better grasp on it all.

I've heard from different people that play for worship at church either they find it more difficult to be in that moment when they are playing or that they feel more in the moment of worship when facing the congregation and singing their heart out. I think I felt a little more like the first way. I wasn't entirely just flowing and doing my thing. I think I'm just very much not used to it. From the band, we've been practicing copious hours to play songs that I know every tiny bit too. It's where I'm most comfortably playing and this was definitely more challenging. I liked it for sure though. I hope it happens again and we perhaps plan a little tiny bit more ahead of time. The most important thing is that a lot of people commented that they liked how it all sounded. They were also all worried that we would blog their ears off by playing way louder than the band but we worked it out. This week is going to be a slimmer form of ft as there is a pretty massive wedding going on on Saturday. From what I hear, many attendees won't be making appearances this Sunday. I totally understand that though. Weddings can make for incredibly long days and the next day is definitely worthy of being a couch potato day or sinking into a good book and not moving.

This past Sunday after ft I got to hang out with a few people I had only briefly talked to before. One person is really new to not only ft but Christianity as a whole. It's a really great experience to hear them ask questions and to hear if they are unsure of things or that they're excited etc. It's also interesting to hear about their first experiences at the church as mine weren't too long ago. We all pick up subtle differences and one big factor I'm sure is that we're in a new building. We're all working really hard to make St. Stephens feel just like home and we're getting there. It shouldn't take long for us to settle. It's only been 5 week or something like that.

The week carried on and Monday was pretty interesting. The band practice was a little lackluster as we were short one person and some drama must be going on cause we were a little "off". Prayers for quick resolution! Anyway, the rest of the week I got down to some work I have been trying to slot in for some time now. It's taking a little longer (programming in flash eep) but it's going to be super rewarding once finished. I feel like I'm investing time in a good place. Tuesday night I hung out with a few more people from ft and had an Audrey Hepburn movie night. Amazing yes I know. I figure you are in one of two camps: You love Audrey Hepburn or you are wondering why I would want to hang out with people and watch an Audrey Hepburn movie. If you're in the second grouping my defense is this: I'm a hopeless romantic and Audrey Hepburn is a bit of a bad ass but a classy one at that. I love the dynamic. It was a pretty awesome night. To cap that off, I went to go see my friends IVS play. They play FAST punk rock. It was an amazing show and the crowd loved it. So good for them. It made me more energetic for practice on Wednesday. I was playing kind of like a wind up monkey, super fast too. I've been struggling a lot with fast beats for the past month but I definitely am getting up to speed and precision now... slow as progress is, it's so good.

Thursday I finally made it back out climbing since incurring a minor sprain to my ankle a few weeks ago. The good news is that I'm back in business. I still have to be a little mindful that it's not 100% healed and thus vulnerable but it hasn't given me any problems in climbing. It felt great to be climbing again and I hope to be back up where I was with my hand strength in a few weeks. We have a little crew of people who want to get out climbing now so it's great. Hmm.. I think I should invite a few more people out. We climb in Burlington so perhaps people from Hamilton might want to make the trip out. Hint hint.

Yesterday I went to a house warming party and for once I was not driving. My good buddy Kev was DD for the night so I got a chance to enjoy some premium Japanese Asahi beer haha. Of course right? It was great. I just realized how much I'm not used to feeling drunk at all any more. It was kind of funny getting home, I vegged out, ate some food and crashed on the couch till 5. Ooops.

Hmm... I wonder if I have any deep thoughts a brewing... Climbing was a great experience this week. One of my friends said it reminded him of band practice when we were playing in a band together. There was always that guarantee that you could chat about what was going on with you if you had anything stressing you out, girl problems and epic stories etc. I feel the same. It's total bonding weather guys or girls come out.

Anyway, the current status of me is that I'm really happy. I have a lot of work to do, I wish I had woken up much early as well but I think my body was recovering from the lack of sleep from the past week. When I get into work mode, I tend to wake up at a decent time each day and get right to it. If I sleep in because of coming home last from practice, I get off track too easy.

I think I'm in a spot where I'm slowly learning the potential that I have. I am realizing just how many people are supportive of me and believe in my abilities so much more than I do. I've also realized a few people that don't have faith in those very same abilities. It was really surprising.

This week I got kind of a lecture about how I don't share much about my life with my parents. In certain ways it was funny to hear their interpretation of things. Their concerns being that they don't really know any of my friends that I talk about. The unfortunate thing is the friends they speak of all live in Toronto. Getting someone that lives in Toronto that doesn't have a car to leave the city to visit you in the suburbs is very difficult especially if they are new friends. My parents do often forget that my life almost revolves around the city of Toronto and not the burbs of Mississauga. My father made a comment actually suggesting that if they don't come to visit you they must not be real friends. I understand the logic but the fact of people today is that everyone is super busy.

Anyway, getting a little more serious, on the other side of the coin it was something tough to hear. I can't say I reacted the best way. I almost tried to resolve it right away and spew everything out at one time. What I'm doing right now, the work I'm working on, the friends that I was hanging out with that night, the locations of everyone and their linkages in regards to families, marriages etc. It would have been much to much for my dad to take in to process and probably impossible to remember. Not the best tactic I know but I didn't want to leave things half talked about before I head out for the night. It would have bothered me and my parents. The hardest thing about it is I don't feel that the communication issue is that much on my side. I think it could be attributed to the listening party. It's hard to keep pushing your stories about your days and your friends and work when constantly being cut off by other things that seem so trivial, being ignored due to something on a tv screen. If the communication has stopped I'm sure it has been something gradual and that I didn't want to have to fight to have my stories heard anymore. It's pretty painful to be mid story and see someones interest gradually slip from you to the television. Their interest slowly fades to long pauses and grunts to indicate they know they should be listening but probably aren't. The final straw is when you walk away and they don't notice, they resume their tv watching as if you didn't have a story to tell in the first place.

Grrrr.. haha.

Sorry about that. I guess it just needed to come out. The resolution is simple. I don't think I'll be fighting for attention over things, instead I'll just have to sell my life like advertising haha. Short informational stories that can be delivered concisely at some point during the day before tv watching begins. We'll see how it works out. I know the key is that I'll have to be patient and see what works and talk about it all. I can understand as a parent to one day realize you don't know much about what's going on in your childs life an be alarming. The unfortunate thing is the steps that take place to get you to that place. The steps that as a parent you might not remember. No one is perfect and being a parent is a tough job. I haven't made it easy. I was the last of 3 kids, the only boy, I've done things almost backwards from what my sisters did and I never moved away for school. Something tells me I should be given some slack for being a little different. I wasn't a problem child, I was by all intensive purposes a "good kid". It's interesting how different problems can develop depending on how you grew up and what you did when you were young. It surprises me sometimes that there is so much conflict between my father and myself. I think I should be turning to the big man for some help on this and make some actual non-smart-ass effort to genuinely improve the situation. I know I already feel better having put this out on here.

I wonder if my parents have ever read my blog? hmm.

Anyway, time to get some more work done and prepare for a fully random night.

Peace, love and rock to all,

J

Great FT tonight

The title says it all. Today was pretty much all about ft. That's church. Yes, church.

I woke up really late today as I've been doing frequently as I try to shake this cough I have without resorting to any serious medicine or doctor visit. I'm enjoying the benefits of sleep for sure. Lots of things have changed. My drives in and out of the city are so much more enjoyable because I'm so alert and have no fear of feeling the exhaustion or nodding off. The winter was a little tough for moments like that. I'll have to admit coffee got me home many a night. That and sometimes turning the music way down and praying or talking out loud to God. Other benefits are that I can fully enjoy the sermons at church and hang on every word as I did when I first began going. Today's sermon was another one that hit right on the money with the times and what everyone is feeling. Cyril even got some applause when he was finished. I know I was feeling it. It was about urgency vs importance. This is something you hear me talk about quite a little bit. I tend to be one that deals with urgent matters quite readily but slacks a little when it comes to the important things that can wait a little while longer. I'm one of those people that puts out fires. It's something that I definitely want to change. Working on longterm important goals is going to come into play really really soon.

Anyway, I was talking about how I woke up late. It was probably 1:30pm. Terrible I know but I think I had fallen back to sleep 2 times after initially waking up. I think I had 3 completely separate dreams and all made me think. Of course I can't even remember what they were now but they did set a mood for the day. I didn't have my regular slow morning, I was able to have breakfast, enjoy it, clean the bathroom (some of it at least), have a shower and get out the door for church early. I figured I might get a little traffic because of the 2009 pride parade but there wasn't any. It allowed me time to grab a coffee before service, plant myself up on the balcony early enough and enjoy the band playing a little before service even began. After service, I went out for some food with great people and now I'm home. I did make a stop at another coffee shop on the way home for some dessert and another coffee while I worked on some priorities for the week and the next month. But essentially, the day was all about church. I still can't think of another time when Sundays have been as rich, as open and as fulfilling. It was also super nice today to be able to sing at church. Because of my cough, I've been somewhat hindered. Though I felt a little tickle in my throat today, it wasn't anything that could stop me. Very cool.

I agree this is a much different post than mine of last week. I haven't re-read it but I hope I wasn't at all harsh about the experience of bringing my friend to ft. There will likely be another time he'll come out. I can already say that the sound is sounding a million times better. As I was told by a good friend today, God will likely sort it out with him in time. I do believe this.

Anyway, it's not too late so I'm going to shut down a little bit early, watch a movie, let the week run processing in the background and get some more photos processed.

I really hope other people are enjoying their Sundays as much as I am.

Peace, love, rock and don't forget pride to all,

J

I'm left inspired

So... the last bloggy I left on here was probably a pretty sad one. Fresh from the moment with heartache and gushing emo glory.

This is a little removed from the moments that were yesterday but I want to put it up here cause it was something totally unexpected.

So yesterday was a little bit of a rough morning, waking up wasn't my favorite thing for the day. I slept pretty late still trying to get over my cold and since my mind was processing a lot of things I'm sure I was mentally a little tired.

I awoke to a beautiful summer day. The house was open, there was very little breeze and I stayed in my room for quite a while, composed an email, posted some new photos and let the day wear on me a little. The weather wasn't helping the morning but once the afternoon hit I made my way to the main level where it was a little cooler. Emotions had flared already for the day and I was well composed. I walked through the living room (where I'm sitting right now) and saw something pretty regular. My parents replaced the bay window in the summer and we haven't yet got grown up blinds to fit into the windows. We have those newbie paper blinds right now. Super classy I tells ya. Anyway, the windows being open and the wind being constant the blinds seemed to hover about 2 feet away from the wall motionless.

Um... okay.. why is this important??? A few of you are thinking.. strange!!!

It wasn't another one of my moments where things snap into perspective but I did end up picking up a notebook I had lying around and started working on my special project again. Within a few minutes I had a couple pages all well focused and great things to do including the aesthetics that I wanted, the various components and stages involved. The feeling was a familiar one. It was just buckets of inspiration. The same inspiration and drive that makes me do lots of work or none at all in the span of a week. Something about all the events of the past few weeks had come together and inspired me. I took a moment to ask myself what I was really doing with my life, took some time to refocus and there the inspiration was.

I was expecting the whole day to drag on and be bleak but it was such an uplifting one I couldn't possibly have any hard feelings for anything. It's definitely one of those things that had to happen and was supposed to happen just as it did. Talk about clouds with silver linings. With the right perspective there was no cloud at all. There may have been some turbulence but it's just another adventure in this thing called life.

Anyway, today is a work day as I have a meeting tomorrow. I best get to it. I have a lot of catching up to do from being sick and unmotivated to do actual work. Really... I just can't wait.

Oh... a super bonus of the day is that I'm going to see Transformers tonight at midnight. AMAZING!

Peace, love and rock,

Eye opening experiences that make you smile to all,

J

Today seems all to suiting for another post

Wow. Life is something so powerful and random. Inspiration and excitement for it all can have their price. Coincidences can lead you down some very interesting paths but perhaps they are all just linkages to teach you some very hard lessons. Let's pause on the heavy for a sec. Let it percolate a little so I can show a little tact in my delivery.

Today through an odd series of events I brought a friend out to church for the first time. I was helping out at a shoot and he needed a ride to also help and by chance, we were meeting up after church. Having not gone the past week I really wanted to make it out. The space is still very fresh and new and it's a great place to be on Sunday. I was hoping for a few things and perhaps it wasn't really all that right of me. I hoped there might be a full band and that Kevin or Cyril would be delivering a great and passionate and sometimes funny sermon. These are things that really drew me into ft when I first went this past winter. The feeling was so different from my Catholic roots and the sound of everyone singing was enough for me to come back. Today we had a guest speaker talk about finding your true calling in life and what God is willing you to do with what you've been given. It's a fabulous topic and I enjoyed it. I'm afraid it might have fallen short for my dear friend though. After a late night last night it may have been a little too close to traditional church to really strike that chord in him. I hope that he can come again sometime to see Kevin deliver one of his amazingly entertaining dead on sermons. I guess time will tell.

Regardless of my friends experience today it was absolutely great to be back at ft this week. One week is enough for me to miss it and the familiar faces and that time of the week to shut down a little. Worship was great although we had technical difficulties. I think in general the guitars need to be turned way down in the new space. It can easily drowned out all the beautiful singing. Perhaps next week we could do something unplugged but still have the overheads. Then we can actually hear what our new space can really sound like.

I guess after that I'm left with the real reason that I started this blog tonight... The same reason that I'm still up at 3am on the computer and my mind is still going and heart is still beating. The same reason I'm somewhat in a daze. Wait... perhaps that's the night time cold medicine kicking in. That's likely what it is. That and I haven't eaten since I left home almost 12 hours ago. Hmm. Wow... I should definitely eat something.

Anyway... I digress. The reason I started this blog tonight is as you've guessed a matter of the heart. Anyone who's spent any time reading this blog and my endless rants can probably tell whenever I have something lodged in my heart or am in need of any stitches or ductape repair to the beating drum in my chest. Tonight it's something quite unexpected. Quite a different experience for me for sure. Especially given my history of being a super committed relationship nice guy.

I've definitely realized the things that I miss the most from being in a relationship. This last week has taught me that for sure and driven it home in a Mack truck. The thing that I miss is the intimacy. We're talking simplicity here people. Cuddling, looking into each others eyes, brushing hair away from the face and the soft talking. I think I feel like a little bit of a wus saying that but it's just how I'm built. I definitely can't help being a softie.

If there's one thing that this has done it's made me think. What am I doing with my life? How can I improve what I'm doing to actually make some progress and get where I want to be. I know the answers to those questions and I think I've known them for a while. I've lacked the commitment and the effort. Things that I'd easily lend to a relationship but for some reason put a hold on for the future of my whole life. It's really odd how the priorities of a hopeless romantic can sway like the current or the tide.

I am.. weakened I guess. Tomorrow will be a long, slow and perhaps difficult day but one I'll appreciate at the end when I get back from band practice. The dynamic of the days that go by is something great. I often appreciate the hard days. In this case I can already feel my focus shifting. The real world is calling me and my vacation is totally over. Although I can't really believe tomorrow is Monday I'm going to have to start giving my all.

Everything happens for a reason right? There's a plan here somewhere. There's a path that I'm taking and it's leading somewhere right? All the linkages and coincidence of the past year mean things don't they? Yes they do and tomorrow I get to find out more. Can't wait.

Tired and totally out of thoughts, I'm going to go to bed speechless.

Peace, love and rock,

J

I should add

There was a really wicked togetherness feeling with the entire shooting process. We all got to know each other a little more and some of us met for the first time. The amazing thing is that it all felt so right. Like so many other things like going to ft for the first time, it felt like it was the right path, the right inspiration and all at the right time. Things of late have maintained that same level of coincidence that I've mentioned before. I'm still amazed by it. Now it's just a matter of finding the right time for some hard work to find one of them job thingies.

Peace, love, rock and video shoots,

J

I haven't disappeared! I've been running!

Hey all,

So this past weekend I had a wicked opportunity to help out with a friends music video shoot. He's working on some new material for his portfolio and thought I could help out as one of the main cast. Simple job really, just involving a lot of running in various parts of the city, scaling fences, looking around and staying up all night till the sun rises. All that is almost perfect for me. I love the night time and the whole thing felt a little bit like an adventure. We had it sort of like a covert operation and we the cast found out what was going on as it happened pretty much. It was a really great experience.

We had two shoots. It was meant to be one originally. The first was Thursday night. I was also asked to bring along some friends that might be able to help out as well as the main cast. I quickly figured out a few people without jobs or flexible enough schedules to make it work. I was surprised when everyone I asked came out and spent the whole night running around the city. It was such good times. We ended up having some camera problems with dreaded camera body #51 which delayed everything significantly. Aside from that problem with the body I have only good things to say about the camera. Everything was shot on a Red One. If you don't know about these cameras you must look them up. You can shoot 4k (4x full hd) at 30 frames a second. That's a lot of information! Let's just say that all the footage even when we weren't doing anything looked like gold. We wrapped the first night in this pretty creepy abandoned building. For most of the night we were all afraid to go 5 steps into the place. The sounds, the air, and the pure darkness was crazy. The sun rose and that was a wrap. A few of us went for some wicked (or not so wicked) breakfast and then went home for some major sleep.

Sunday was the second shoot. This would explain why no one saw me at ft. The call was for 6 and I thought it would be pretty rude to leave half way into a sermon. That reminds me that I can catch up online. The shoot Sunday had no camera difficulties and we had a larger crew. This means we had some spiffier lighting setups, wheelchair tracked shots and a very wicked shoot at McGregor park. Mind you the lights in the field went out about 6 minutes too early so we didn't get all of the footage we needed from there. We wrapped much earlier and seeing how some of us were still reeling from the shoot before and I was sick, we didn't stick around for breakfast. I dropped everyone home and drove to my home with the sun rising behind me. That's so cool! Sleep was good that day. I've been in recovery for most of the week. The good news is I'm probably 70% or so. I just need to stop coughing.

This Sunday should be the final shoot. The goal is to get some pickup shots to fill the story in a little bit. A new friend Ayinde that was at the first shoot but couldn't be at the second shoot on Sunday (he was in Montreal) might make an appearance. That would be pretty cool. It's really crazy how close you get to a group of people so fast. I can see how that happens on sets of big money movies too. There's a lot of work but a lot of downtime as well.

Though it isn't the best situation to be missing ft again this week I'll be back the following week and it's going to be amazing. I know I'll already be up on the balcony singing my heart out. Can't wait!

If any of you ever have a chance to help out and be in a music video, especially one that is shooting all night, I highly suggest you just go with it. When else will you get a chance to do something like it?

Much peace, love and rock to all,

J

Singing for all to hear

So it's Wednesday, I'm working, getting down to some work I've had on
the back burner for a little big. It's beautiful weather, I'm sitting
by the window as the sunlight shines upon me. There is much clickity
clack of the keyboards in the room today not just from my own keys.
I'm sitting in a friends studio working away. They're too kind I tell
you. I've had a great week to this point, lots going on and lots of
ideas finally on the rise. Fruition to come soon. There's also a
little bit of waiting involved. And also weighting. Importance etc.

Anyway, here I go on a short rant.

This past weekend marked a big shift in the church that I call
Freedomize. Maybe shift is a terrible word to use. More like
transition. Yeah.. that sits better. We're moving to a new space as
I've mentioned before and this past Saturday I was able to spend the
last of 3 Saturdays in a row helping out at St. Stephen's in the
field. The new home of FT. It was the big move, I was late, I did help
out a little moving things, building shelves and I did a lot of
hanging out getting to know people a little more than I did already. I
decided for Saturday night that I would take it easy, get a little
work done, and not have a crazy 4am mission back to the Saug from the
city. Mission success! I ended up paying a huge sleep debt and slept
for 12 hours. This was perfect. Nice long sleep, nice lazy Sunday and
a great lead into the last worship at St. Andrews. In true FT style,
we had something special in store. Without all of our AV setup we did
it all campfire style on the steps right in front of all the pews. So
sweet! Not only that thought, there's more. We were given 4 minutes
once we were all gathered to go and find a place in the church on our
own to be with Jesus and just pray about whatever we needed to pray
about. It offered people worried about the move a chance to express
it, those that needed to lament to let it out, those that had anything
else on their minds to have a moment in that space one more time to
let it be heard. I had never really been upstairs in St. Andrews so I
headed straight up there, lay down on some chairs and looked right up
at the ceiling. I had so much to give thanks for.

Once we reconvened we sat right up front on the ground camp style and
started into worship. The singing was so loud and unified. I never
knew I knew as many words as I did. It really offered everyone a
chance to let everyone hear their voices loud and clear. Worship was
led by two guitars, Andrew and Leah. I don't know if I can really
explain how it sounded. It was almost like a full spectrum choir.
Anyone who might have walked in during worship would have probably
been awestruck to see so many youngins in full on worship just loving
it. I think it was really the perfect way to have last worship at the
space. I'm sure I'm not the only one with these feelings, I think
everyone loved it.

I think since it's a different sound than we're used to hearing it is
making us all more attentive and less hesitant about the future of the
community. Sitting on the floor, without any electronics, overheads,
we didn't even need lights if they weren't there. If we could be FT
like that, we can be FT anywhere. And this is really going to bring
about some great opportunity in our new location near Kensington Market.

I also invited another person out to FT. I think he's still processing
it and considering it. He comes from a similar background as me with
Catholic School and church so this would likely open his eyes as it
did mine. I did let him know it didn't have to be right away as we'll
be moving into a new space and we'll be working out the kinks for a
few weeks. When you've been in a place for 8 years, you can imagine
not everything will go smoothly. There's still the issue of people
that don't go to FT all that regularly. They might not have been for
months and go back to St. Andrews one Sunday expecting to see familiar
faces and instead will be greeted with locked doors. I really hope and
pray this doesn't happen to anyone though.

Well, that's about all the rant I can handle right now.

BACK TO WORK!!

Well... in a sec.

I watched a wicked movie last night thanks to another wicked FTer.
Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn. Such an amazing classy lady. And
that movie was absolutely brilliant. Black and white yet you can see
so much life in it. It was like a love crazy version of Aladdin mixed
with a little bit of Seinfeld and other things. I found it amazing. If
you're into lovestory movies it's definitely a sweet one to start
with. There's talk of making a round two to enjoy another Audrey
flick. I'm totally in. haha.

Cheerios.

Peace, love and rock,

J

It's a wondrous season

Waking up this morning to rich blues and bright greens just outside my window, body aching from the work of the past few days. That was just moments ago but it was indeed great. The day begins albeit a little on the late side but I'm not in terrible shape quite yet.

The week has been a great one and the thoughts of Monday have mellowed somewhat. My feeling is that the best thing to do is to be a friend however you know how. The effort is important and my lack of smoothness won't be much of an issue in the long run. I think that's my gut telling me and I hope it's right.

Anyway, the week has been alright but like I mentioned before my body is now aching. It's odd, but I like when my body aches. It tells me that I've been doing some good, I've been getting exercise and all that. When my body stiffens up or I get kinks in my neck I know that I haven't been getting much exercise at all. My schedule for the next little bit seems to be like this. Monday work at home, head to practice, Tuesday work at home and then go rock climbing then Wednesday is a repeat of Monday. Thursday seems to be a recovery/meeting day. From climbing and then practice the day after, my forearms are moosh, my upper back and shoulders are loose but sore and so is my chest. It's really great to be back into climbing. I'm not a good climber but I think it's great exercise and super fun.

I was reminded yesterday of just how much work I was to be completing during this time of not having a full-time job and it's kind of scary how off track I have got. In the upcoming week I'll spend considerable time trying to catch up with a special project of mine. I think it will be very important in ramping up my skills and finding a job.

Anyway, speaking of being on time with things, I better get a move on. I should be in the city before noon and at this pace I'd never make it. I haven't even left my room yet.

Peace, love and rock,

J

How to be a true blue friend? Do I really know?

So it's been some time that since I've put up a serious post with serious reflection that takes a serious amount of time for me to compile but I think I'm ready for one right now. Feeling needy to figure out things for myself I'll just do my thing and write what's on my mind.

I'll just dig right in. How could you be a true blue friend? Do you really know how? Do I? Is it timing? Is it presence? Is it the words that come out of your mouth? Or perhaps the words that don't? How does it all work? Is patience and kindness enough? Do you have to ask the hard questions? Do you call your friends out when it needs to be done? Are you truthful to a fault with them not hiding anything and bearing your soul? (Is this all too dramatic?)

When bad things happen do you talk about it? Do you skip over it? Do you say nothing? Do you try to help or do you try to do nothing at all in fear of making things worse?

Hmm.. that last one is a deep one. If I'm being fully honest it just brought tears to my eyes. If I empathize with friends who've lost jobs, miss foreign lands or have lost more irreplaceable things how should I be a true friend? I don't really think I'm good about talking about things until I get way deep into them. I'm hardly smooth. Awkward? That's me in spades. I guess that's why I like the ability to write things out fully in words cause my mouth has a tendency to screw it all up. At times I'm rather terrified of making things worse, not knowing entirely how to deal with things and what to say on the spot. (Think of me as Paul Rudd in I love you man) So I wonder now if I've made things worse for friends, made their days worse somehow as they're dealing with their own weights. It's a really hard thing for me to deal with I think. Wouldn't we all just love a little bit of awesome to rub off of each of us onto everyone else to make days better not worse? It's a really tough line. Maybe I should stick to the pen and paper. The terrible thing about that is that I feel it's so cold, it's type, there's no tone, no delivery with variance of speed, pitch, mumbling (in my case). There's less and more truth at the same time. Less truth in what is said at times and more truth in the sounds of the voice on the end of the line or in front of you. What would a friend prefer? Would the friend realize that you mean your best but you're entirely awkward? Would they like the written sentiment? Tact?

I think I'm still a little lost in these questions. It's definitely a little nebulous. I can deal with tough situations. I'm pretty pliable. But I think I'm just overall bad at talking about them. That's a pretty dire conclusion and I don't think it's entirely true. Something for me to pray about I think.

Perhaps all I can really offer is a hug and a sounding board. A hug is pretty flawless. It has no words. It's safe ground for me.

Anyway, I'll return to these thoughts a little later after some processing. For now, I've got to get moving and get to practice. It's been such a short day so far after sleeping in. I'm really hoping this means I'll have some juice in the battery later tonight to get some work done.

Sorry to be on the down and mellow side but I can only write how I feel at the time. I'm sure things will be different later or tomorrow.

Peace, love and rock to all.

J

Wow how my blogging has suffered but provision is sweet.

Hey all,

Just me again with another quick update on the regular. You could call this a by request update haha. (Thanks for reading Kev).

I just listened to a track off the brand new Green Day album being released today "21st Century Breakdown". The track was the title track and not that single they have the video for. A preview of what's to come for sure. Here's some honest thoughts from me, just some dude who's been a fan since buying Dookie on tape at Loblaws when I was in grade school. Now that I think of it, that could have been the pinnacle, one of the most important events in my early development. Crazy eh? Anyway, as the track begins to play Billie Joe sings "play us the song of the century" over static and radio fuzz. Then acoustic guitar starts in with two chords that are horribly droning. First thought at this point... Really? Really? That's what they did there?? The fan is mystified haha. It breaks into verse and it sounds a little more like the Green Day on the previous album: composed, a little slow, well thought out, multiple layered. At this point I thought, this is alright but if they have a whole album like this, it could easily be their last album. I already wasn't all that impressed by their single. Are you getting the mixed bag of feelings in my stomach?

Anyway, as the song progresses we see more song structure as on the album "American Idiot" where the songs have very different epic parts. This makes for a wide dynamic range in feeling and tempo in one song. I guess another way to put it is that if the song parts represented a family, a few would be adopted. (I don't know why the analogy is so bad but I hope you get what I mean). The end result at the end of the song is that I have full confidence in the album again. The doubts that I had at the beginning of the track have subsided. I'll tell you one more. Upon listening to the track again the beginning wasn't quite as jarring to me, it sits in the right space, right frame of mind and at the right tempo (that semi slow thing going on). The second listen was reinforcement as the song ramps up. In a word, this is going to be interesting. I guess this means that at some point between now and tomorrow I'll go pick up the album and see what the whole thing has to say. I'm not super excited but I'm relieved that it sounds good and it's new things from those boys from the bay area. All in all, all good!

Listen for yourself here. That's the track I listened to.

So where have I been?

In a word... Busy!

It's funny though, not in a way that I couldn't write but in a way that I didn't feel the need to write. There's pleanty to talk about but I'll just touch on the past week.

I've recently had a little bit of a tough time in the financial department. It's nothing terrible, it's more like a glitch. I've done work and have money owing to me but haven't been paid for it quite yet. That coupled with having to do an unplanned timing belt service on Pud the VW TDI along with a big VISA bill (birthdays etc) and now taxes to pay the GOV have made it a little interesting. The end result is I've been working on things the past few weeks. I was given the job of creating this crazy network diagram recently. This was a definite blessing. I'll go further into detail about it.

On Wednesday I was figuring I'd be heading into the city for my client meeting at 3 then I'd be able to get to practice nice and early at 5 or so. (I don't know if I mentioned it yet but my band is now practicing twice a week.) In the end, the client wanted to cap off the diagram that night for a presentation the following day. In the end, I worked until 10:15pm that night at their offices finishing things up. This meant a few things. I worked 11 hours on the project just that day. It also meant that I got to band practice so late that I didn't event practice. We went for wings haha. At the time I felt bad for not getting to practice but also had a big smile on my face knowing that the time I was spending there was just making it possible for me to carry on with the work I'm doing right now. Someone's looking out for me. We all know who that might be.

The working freelance and kind of mulling about home hasn't gone unnoticed by my father. I was told just last week that he was worried about me and that I didn't have a "real" job. Of course I learned this from an indirect source but still. Something like that never really rests well on a sons heart. I don't want my dad to worry but at the same time I'm doing just fine. It brings up that question again if I should just go looking for a job now. I think the answer is that I have to finish up some projects I'm working on first.

So I've begun something I call "Finishing School. Class of One." I have a project that I didn't complete some time ago for a friend. In my opinion it started a landslide in the way that I would work on things. I would start, lose steam and sometimes not finish them. This is something that's really hard when you're dealing with projects that take a lot of work. Now I've been given the opportunity to finish that work that I started. I love it. I never thought I'd get that chance to set things right. I'm taking it on with a new eye and really want to make it special. Something to be proud of for more reasons than it being finished. I started working on it again at the most basic level. Tracing paper and markers. In the end, this is going to make a brilliant piece. I'd also forgotten how much satisfaction I get out of marker work. I'm not good at it but I enjoy that sharpness and cleanliness of a finished piece. You can really see the line work in it.

Anyway, my scatter brain has a couple things to get done before the day progresses too late.

Oh last thing, FT is having a work day tomorrow at 9:30 and I'm pretty stoked to be going and helping out. See some of you there! Oh final final thing. FT last week was pretty amazing. Kev did the sermon and it seemed to be so well timed with so much that's going on right now. There's a lot of grieving and sadness in this semi-recessionary time and I thought it was perfect. A few other people I talked to said the same thing. It really put certain things into perspective for them. At FT we're super blessed to have someone so insightful and well spoken to put those certain elements of life into new perspectives.

I hope all are having a good week. It's a Friday of a long weekend. It's amazing time!!!

Peace, love and rock!

J

Reassurance is key

Today I was reassured about a few doubts that I've had in my mind. Well these aren't long standing doubts really, more so from this morning, perhaps last night.

I was thinking to myself as I looked at my project list and the task I had on my plate for the next few weeks and the scheduling nightmare that existed there and the fear of being stretched too thin. I thought about all of it and how the next few weeks would play out for good or bad and then wondered if I should just start applying for jobs. Should I just use the new energy that I seem to have to find something that would allow me to move out of the house and get out there in the world and get somewhat of a regular routine of work and play going on? It's a tough question for a freelancer still living at home that is dying for life in the city. Going to sleep in the summer heat while sirens blare in the distance, there is echoing of foot steps and mischief about, cars rolling by and the constant sounds of life at different decibel ranges throughout the day. Dying for it. At the same time I still feel it necessary to return to Japan. This is even stronger now that another person in my band has a larger obsession with Japan. Having been twice already 4 years apart, he is due for another trip.

But I was writing about reassurance. Where does that fit in? Well I went off to Chapters this morning to get a little research done on some information design project that I'm about to start. It's going to be pretty intense so I thought it best to explore some good resources before hand just to get my head in the mix of things. I got in the diesel around 10:30 and left the house, stopped off at a music store beforehand to pick up some drum sticks. I tend to break a few pair each practice and was running low. I find interruptions after inspiration tend to be bad. Chances are if I had gone to the music store after Chapters, I wouldn't be writing this right now. Anyhow, an empty music store, sunshine and an amazing intro to the day made me think it was promising. Possibly not productive at all (which is what I was prepared for).

Going to Chapters, finding a parking spot in a virtually empty lot and walking in sans jacket was amazing. I wandered around the Architecture & Design as well as the Art section and picked out some gems to look at. The first thing I picked up was a book on Katsushika Hokusai. I recognized the Japanese style wood cut block printing on the cover. As it turns out, I purchased a few prints (likely reproduction block prints) of his work while in Japan. There were small block prints and larger enlarged prints of the same works. I think the smaller prints were produced from modern reproduction blocks and the larger prints were reproductions of originals. This work is phenomenal. One of the most famous is The Great Wave off Kanagawa. Check that link to see it. You can see Mt. Fuji in the background. This was one of the prints that I purchased. They were quite inexpensive and since coming back to Canada, I've given most of them away as gifts. If and when I return, I'll be sure to purchase some more. I wish I could have purchased the book but it was way off base from my original intent for being at a book store so I did the ING man thing and saved my money. Perhaps in the future I'll pick it up.

After that I was inspired by some amazing poster design, followed by full on rejuvenation in graphic terms. There's so much possibility out there and I have to remember to take each project as a new opportunity to do something I've never done before. I didn't find much in the way of information design but I'm sure I was simply meant to go and spend that time there. It was past 2 by the time I left and drove with the windows down in the sunshine on my merry way home. None of this would have been possible if I was working a 9-5 job. Instead, the day would have consisted of rushing out the door, barely eating breakfast to get to work to try and survive (likely do great work) but be locked in for the majority of that day. I know I want to get a job soon but for now, the projects I'm working on are well worth it. I can't forget that this is likely one of the happiest times in my life ever that I've just been living every day life. There's no extravagance but just a lovely way that life seems to be carrying on right now. There is turmoil nearby and a lot of great things are happening even around those things. This is the time that makes differences, this is the time that people remember, this is the time that we grow and move forward to a new day holding in our hand never to let it go.

I'm sure the day was meant to happen just like this, to remind me of how blessed the situation I'm in really is. Someone's definitely urging me along the way and as a babysitter wants nothing less than to see me succeed and get to the place where I know deep in my heart that I want to be. Place not being a physical location of course.

Anyway, the day must continue and I still have lots of work and processing to do. I've slacked a little the last few days of my photo blog due to lack of time but I shall definitely continue and get that all caught up tonight.

Peace, love and rock,

J

Getting out of the book store

Just Wow

It's been quite a while since I put up a post but there's good reason. I've been hard at work a book project, and doing some photo blogging. I think in a way I get bored of having the same creative outlet. I do love to write and process my thoughts out in the open like this blog but sometimes I'd rather take pretty picture, especially if there's not all that much going on in my head. I think I'll need to find a balance between the two as days roll on because I find that my brain is very visually focussed right now. It's great, it's very liberating, every moment can be a creative one. At the same time it's halted a little bit of the clarity that I've had in past months. Thinking about it all now, none of it is a bad thing. It's just part of the process and I'm super happy to have the variety. Having too little time to do all the things you want to do is way better than finishing everything you want to do and having nothing more to move on to.

Recently I commented on the volatility of the world right now. Speaking to many people, everyone is finding the same thing. Some things are related to the economy, some are related to health, some are shear coincidences. No matter which way you slice it, there's some sort of pattern effect taking place. I'm sure this pattern is usually there but it isn't usually as close together and related as it seems to be right now. It's weird. Every time I start talking about this I feel like the next thing I'm going to say will predict the future. It almost feels like I'm talking that way but that's very likely NOT going to happen.

But really, there's some odd timing going on. Things in my life are working out in such a loose way, I can't describe it. How in-deliberate actions are making things flow the way they are... I'll never quite understand it but I'll continue to be amazed by it.

In the past weeks I've also been concerned about the turbulence going on around me. There's lots of things happening to friends putting weight on their shoulders and minds. I really found it odd that there was nothing that really deeply affected me. All of that changed this weekend and I'm also a person affected by the constant change of the world. Funny how that all happens.

Almost at the same time a new life is brought into this world. My sister just gave birth to her second little one. This would make me an uncle for the third time which totally rocks. I love being Uncle J. This is however my first niece. The coolest thing is that I'm going to be ZA GOD FADA! How exciting is that??? Frightening at the same time. There was brief question about what it meant for me as a FT person. We're talking Catholic Church here. In my personal opinion I think it's perfectly fine. I hope I don't encounter any issues there though.

There's just so much going on these days as summer approaches. What does it all mean? I think all of it's positioned me in a place of constant progression, thought and creativity. In a word, I love where everything is going right now. I really don't know what I've done to deserve such blessings but I won't question why, I'll just enjoy it.

I think the life I've had in the last year has changed my idea of design. I no longer strive for the cold super clean aesthetics. I do still find them striking but I prefer putting forth things with personality, imperfections, things closer to the reality that we're all living. The flawed hero as an analogy. I feel like the last year has really allowed me to grow, learn, be social and get caught up in some great conversation. Not too bad for an introvert (wanna be extrovert).

Well, I'm not sure what else to say, time for a run, food, a movie and a great rest.

Peace, love and rock to you all,

J

Roll up the rim craziness.

On my journeys this weekend to a from Ottawa I stopped at Timmies a few times to keep my body fueled and awake. I was using a travel mug in hopes of cutting down a little on the paper cup fiasco. Not once but twice I was given my roll up the rim cup anyway. So there was no liquid in the cup and it was service no use to be likely let me know that I should play again. The first time I made the mistake (kinda not alert) and took the cup. It bothered me when I realized what had happened and by the second encounter I was more aware and turned down my chance at winning. I'm so grateful for all I have and I really would rather use one less cup then try and win prizes that just seem impossible to win.

I wonder how many people using travel mugs take their roll up the rim cup anyway?

I also saw a gentleman sleeping in his car at a rest stop just outside of Toronto on my way back. The car was an old convertible towncar with quite a bit of rust. It looked like it was in good running condition, it also seemed to be the place of residence for this man. On his dash he had two extra large roll up the rim cups ready to be open. Perhaps he was sleeping on it dreaming what he'd do if he would win. Beside him, there were about 40 cups stacked into each other. I couldn't tell if they were winners or not. Very interesting.

I think I can see a long post coming but it might have to wait till Wednesday when I can afford a little more time. It's volatile times we gots. Up and down. Let's just say that there's many people in my prayers these days.

Peace, love and rock,

J