Such a good night. I feel better.

I think this is another ft post. It's just what I'm feeling for tonight.

AH! Amazing. Tonight was another ft with some loud singing and I absolutely loved it. I'm not sure what the exact reason was but I have a couple ideas. There were no drums for worship tonight. I think a friend is in town. Someone I don't know but I think his name is Reg. He plays the almighty cello. And he was playing tonight for worship. So it was Andrew on Guitar and vox, Reg, the man on cello, Joel and Brad shared bass duties and Christine took the reigns on keys which was awesome. I didn't know she played piano. Sometimes simple arrangement changes can really bring out the best in the singing at ft. I think it might have been a combination of that and a pretty moody day with the rain and all that. I think it was the first time we had service and could hear the rain and cars going by splashing the water in the street around. It added another layer to everything. Of course I closed my eyes lots during service just letting it out when I could actually hit the right notes haha.

I'm not exactly sure why but I decided I wasn't going anywhere after service tonight, it just seemed like a proper mood to be a bit productive and reflective to myself. I think there's been some underlying tension with some things this week. I have an inkling of what it is but I won't do that venting just yet. I think a few others could see it in me. I think it made me a little tired for the day. I thought about things that might have changed from a few months ago and it all seems to make sense. There's a slight bit of insecurity seeping back into my life. I guess that's normal though because I've spent so much of my life being timid and holding back. I'm aware of it all though and I'm sure it's going to fade pretty quickly this week.

Oh, I did have a pretty amazing week. I got lots of work stuff done though not quite as much as I was hoping for. I also went to take my G driving test for the first time. I didn't pass it but for the first time in my life, I've failed at something and I wasn't destroyed about it. It's not that I didn't care or anything like that but I felt a little more mature about it. I was comfortable that I took the test and did fairly well but had a few things to work on. I know I'll ace it next time no problem. Weird how things like that work. Like many things the past little bit, I feel like it was supposed to happen that way. It ties so well into things I've been reading and thinking about trying, giving things your all and it's not the end of the world if they don't work out. I'm reading a great book about takings risks actually. I kind of feel like these past couple months has been me packing my bags for the rest of my life. I'm growing so much and learning so much about myself and little things like that I can carry around for a little bit and refer back to them.

Funny enough the sermon tonight was about seeds and growth. Things tying into each other... so good. It kind of made me think of a friend of mine I know that's really searching for something solid to sink into in this life of constant flux. I think I should invite her out to ft. Perhaps I will. The thing is I have no clue what she'll think about the actual service. I guess we'll find out if I have her out.

Anyway, I think I should get back to all that work and stuff drawing jailbreaking mongooses. haha.

Peace, love and rock,

J