Today seems all to suiting for another post

Wow. Life is something so powerful and random. Inspiration and excitement for it all can have their price. Coincidences can lead you down some very interesting paths but perhaps they are all just linkages to teach you some very hard lessons. Let's pause on the heavy for a sec. Let it percolate a little so I can show a little tact in my delivery.

Today through an odd series of events I brought a friend out to church for the first time. I was helping out at a shoot and he needed a ride to also help and by chance, we were meeting up after church. Having not gone the past week I really wanted to make it out. The space is still very fresh and new and it's a great place to be on Sunday. I was hoping for a few things and perhaps it wasn't really all that right of me. I hoped there might be a full band and that Kevin or Cyril would be delivering a great and passionate and sometimes funny sermon. These are things that really drew me into ft when I first went this past winter. The feeling was so different from my Catholic roots and the sound of everyone singing was enough for me to come back. Today we had a guest speaker talk about finding your true calling in life and what God is willing you to do with what you've been given. It's a fabulous topic and I enjoyed it. I'm afraid it might have fallen short for my dear friend though. After a late night last night it may have been a little too close to traditional church to really strike that chord in him. I hope that he can come again sometime to see Kevin deliver one of his amazingly entertaining dead on sermons. I guess time will tell.

Regardless of my friends experience today it was absolutely great to be back at ft this week. One week is enough for me to miss it and the familiar faces and that time of the week to shut down a little. Worship was great although we had technical difficulties. I think in general the guitars need to be turned way down in the new space. It can easily drowned out all the beautiful singing. Perhaps next week we could do something unplugged but still have the overheads. Then we can actually hear what our new space can really sound like.

I guess after that I'm left with the real reason that I started this blog tonight... The same reason that I'm still up at 3am on the computer and my mind is still going and heart is still beating. The same reason I'm somewhat in a daze. Wait... perhaps that's the night time cold medicine kicking in. That's likely what it is. That and I haven't eaten since I left home almost 12 hours ago. Hmm. Wow... I should definitely eat something.

Anyway... I digress. The reason I started this blog tonight is as you've guessed a matter of the heart. Anyone who's spent any time reading this blog and my endless rants can probably tell whenever I have something lodged in my heart or am in need of any stitches or ductape repair to the beating drum in my chest. Tonight it's something quite unexpected. Quite a different experience for me for sure. Especially given my history of being a super committed relationship nice guy.

I've definitely realized the things that I miss the most from being in a relationship. This last week has taught me that for sure and driven it home in a Mack truck. The thing that I miss is the intimacy. We're talking simplicity here people. Cuddling, looking into each others eyes, brushing hair away from the face and the soft talking. I think I feel like a little bit of a wus saying that but it's just how I'm built. I definitely can't help being a softie.

If there's one thing that this has done it's made me think. What am I doing with my life? How can I improve what I'm doing to actually make some progress and get where I want to be. I know the answers to those questions and I think I've known them for a while. I've lacked the commitment and the effort. Things that I'd easily lend to a relationship but for some reason put a hold on for the future of my whole life. It's really odd how the priorities of a hopeless romantic can sway like the current or the tide.

I am.. weakened I guess. Tomorrow will be a long, slow and perhaps difficult day but one I'll appreciate at the end when I get back from band practice. The dynamic of the days that go by is something great. I often appreciate the hard days. In this case I can already feel my focus shifting. The real world is calling me and my vacation is totally over. Although I can't really believe tomorrow is Monday I'm going to have to start giving my all.

Everything happens for a reason right? There's a plan here somewhere. There's a path that I'm taking and it's leading somewhere right? All the linkages and coincidence of the past year mean things don't they? Yes they do and tomorrow I get to find out more. Can't wait.

Tired and totally out of thoughts, I'm going to go to bed speechless.

Peace, love and rock,

J