Great FT tonight

The title says it all. Today was pretty much all about ft. That's church. Yes, church.

I woke up really late today as I've been doing frequently as I try to shake this cough I have without resorting to any serious medicine or doctor visit. I'm enjoying the benefits of sleep for sure. Lots of things have changed. My drives in and out of the city are so much more enjoyable because I'm so alert and have no fear of feeling the exhaustion or nodding off. The winter was a little tough for moments like that. I'll have to admit coffee got me home many a night. That and sometimes turning the music way down and praying or talking out loud to God. Other benefits are that I can fully enjoy the sermons at church and hang on every word as I did when I first began going. Today's sermon was another one that hit right on the money with the times and what everyone is feeling. Cyril even got some applause when he was finished. I know I was feeling it. It was about urgency vs importance. This is something you hear me talk about quite a little bit. I tend to be one that deals with urgent matters quite readily but slacks a little when it comes to the important things that can wait a little while longer. I'm one of those people that puts out fires. It's something that I definitely want to change. Working on longterm important goals is going to come into play really really soon.

Anyway, I was talking about how I woke up late. It was probably 1:30pm. Terrible I know but I think I had fallen back to sleep 2 times after initially waking up. I think I had 3 completely separate dreams and all made me think. Of course I can't even remember what they were now but they did set a mood for the day. I didn't have my regular slow morning, I was able to have breakfast, enjoy it, clean the bathroom (some of it at least), have a shower and get out the door for church early. I figured I might get a little traffic because of the 2009 pride parade but there wasn't any. It allowed me time to grab a coffee before service, plant myself up on the balcony early enough and enjoy the band playing a little before service even began. After service, I went out for some food with great people and now I'm home. I did make a stop at another coffee shop on the way home for some dessert and another coffee while I worked on some priorities for the week and the next month. But essentially, the day was all about church. I still can't think of another time when Sundays have been as rich, as open and as fulfilling. It was also super nice today to be able to sing at church. Because of my cough, I've been somewhat hindered. Though I felt a little tickle in my throat today, it wasn't anything that could stop me. Very cool.

I agree this is a much different post than mine of last week. I haven't re-read it but I hope I wasn't at all harsh about the experience of bringing my friend to ft. There will likely be another time he'll come out. I can already say that the sound is sounding a million times better. As I was told by a good friend today, God will likely sort it out with him in time. I do believe this.

Anyway, it's not too late so I'm going to shut down a little bit early, watch a movie, let the week run processing in the background and get some more photos processed.

I really hope other people are enjoying their Sundays as much as I am.

Peace, love, rock and don't forget pride to all,

J

I'm left inspired

So... the last bloggy I left on here was probably a pretty sad one. Fresh from the moment with heartache and gushing emo glory.

This is a little removed from the moments that were yesterday but I want to put it up here cause it was something totally unexpected.

So yesterday was a little bit of a rough morning, waking up wasn't my favorite thing for the day. I slept pretty late still trying to get over my cold and since my mind was processing a lot of things I'm sure I was mentally a little tired.

I awoke to a beautiful summer day. The house was open, there was very little breeze and I stayed in my room for quite a while, composed an email, posted some new photos and let the day wear on me a little. The weather wasn't helping the morning but once the afternoon hit I made my way to the main level where it was a little cooler. Emotions had flared already for the day and I was well composed. I walked through the living room (where I'm sitting right now) and saw something pretty regular. My parents replaced the bay window in the summer and we haven't yet got grown up blinds to fit into the windows. We have those newbie paper blinds right now. Super classy I tells ya. Anyway, the windows being open and the wind being constant the blinds seemed to hover about 2 feet away from the wall motionless.

Um... okay.. why is this important??? A few of you are thinking.. strange!!!

It wasn't another one of my moments where things snap into perspective but I did end up picking up a notebook I had lying around and started working on my special project again. Within a few minutes I had a couple pages all well focused and great things to do including the aesthetics that I wanted, the various components and stages involved. The feeling was a familiar one. It was just buckets of inspiration. The same inspiration and drive that makes me do lots of work or none at all in the span of a week. Something about all the events of the past few weeks had come together and inspired me. I took a moment to ask myself what I was really doing with my life, took some time to refocus and there the inspiration was.

I was expecting the whole day to drag on and be bleak but it was such an uplifting one I couldn't possibly have any hard feelings for anything. It's definitely one of those things that had to happen and was supposed to happen just as it did. Talk about clouds with silver linings. With the right perspective there was no cloud at all. There may have been some turbulence but it's just another adventure in this thing called life.

Anyway, today is a work day as I have a meeting tomorrow. I best get to it. I have a lot of catching up to do from being sick and unmotivated to do actual work. Really... I just can't wait.

Oh... a super bonus of the day is that I'm going to see Transformers tonight at midnight. AMAZING!

Peace, love and rock,

Eye opening experiences that make you smile to all,

J

Today seems all to suiting for another post

Wow. Life is something so powerful and random. Inspiration and excitement for it all can have their price. Coincidences can lead you down some very interesting paths but perhaps they are all just linkages to teach you some very hard lessons. Let's pause on the heavy for a sec. Let it percolate a little so I can show a little tact in my delivery.

Today through an odd series of events I brought a friend out to church for the first time. I was helping out at a shoot and he needed a ride to also help and by chance, we were meeting up after church. Having not gone the past week I really wanted to make it out. The space is still very fresh and new and it's a great place to be on Sunday. I was hoping for a few things and perhaps it wasn't really all that right of me. I hoped there might be a full band and that Kevin or Cyril would be delivering a great and passionate and sometimes funny sermon. These are things that really drew me into ft when I first went this past winter. The feeling was so different from my Catholic roots and the sound of everyone singing was enough for me to come back. Today we had a guest speaker talk about finding your true calling in life and what God is willing you to do with what you've been given. It's a fabulous topic and I enjoyed it. I'm afraid it might have fallen short for my dear friend though. After a late night last night it may have been a little too close to traditional church to really strike that chord in him. I hope that he can come again sometime to see Kevin deliver one of his amazingly entertaining dead on sermons. I guess time will tell.

Regardless of my friends experience today it was absolutely great to be back at ft this week. One week is enough for me to miss it and the familiar faces and that time of the week to shut down a little. Worship was great although we had technical difficulties. I think in general the guitars need to be turned way down in the new space. It can easily drowned out all the beautiful singing. Perhaps next week we could do something unplugged but still have the overheads. Then we can actually hear what our new space can really sound like.

I guess after that I'm left with the real reason that I started this blog tonight... The same reason that I'm still up at 3am on the computer and my mind is still going and heart is still beating. The same reason I'm somewhat in a daze. Wait... perhaps that's the night time cold medicine kicking in. That's likely what it is. That and I haven't eaten since I left home almost 12 hours ago. Hmm. Wow... I should definitely eat something.

Anyway... I digress. The reason I started this blog tonight is as you've guessed a matter of the heart. Anyone who's spent any time reading this blog and my endless rants can probably tell whenever I have something lodged in my heart or am in need of any stitches or ductape repair to the beating drum in my chest. Tonight it's something quite unexpected. Quite a different experience for me for sure. Especially given my history of being a super committed relationship nice guy.

I've definitely realized the things that I miss the most from being in a relationship. This last week has taught me that for sure and driven it home in a Mack truck. The thing that I miss is the intimacy. We're talking simplicity here people. Cuddling, looking into each others eyes, brushing hair away from the face and the soft talking. I think I feel like a little bit of a wus saying that but it's just how I'm built. I definitely can't help being a softie.

If there's one thing that this has done it's made me think. What am I doing with my life? How can I improve what I'm doing to actually make some progress and get where I want to be. I know the answers to those questions and I think I've known them for a while. I've lacked the commitment and the effort. Things that I'd easily lend to a relationship but for some reason put a hold on for the future of my whole life. It's really odd how the priorities of a hopeless romantic can sway like the current or the tide.

I am.. weakened I guess. Tomorrow will be a long, slow and perhaps difficult day but one I'll appreciate at the end when I get back from band practice. The dynamic of the days that go by is something great. I often appreciate the hard days. In this case I can already feel my focus shifting. The real world is calling me and my vacation is totally over. Although I can't really believe tomorrow is Monday I'm going to have to start giving my all.

Everything happens for a reason right? There's a plan here somewhere. There's a path that I'm taking and it's leading somewhere right? All the linkages and coincidence of the past year mean things don't they? Yes they do and tomorrow I get to find out more. Can't wait.

Tired and totally out of thoughts, I'm going to go to bed speechless.

Peace, love and rock,

J

I should add

There was a really wicked togetherness feeling with the entire shooting process. We all got to know each other a little more and some of us met for the first time. The amazing thing is that it all felt so right. Like so many other things like going to ft for the first time, it felt like it was the right path, the right inspiration and all at the right time. Things of late have maintained that same level of coincidence that I've mentioned before. I'm still amazed by it. Now it's just a matter of finding the right time for some hard work to find one of them job thingies.

Peace, love, rock and video shoots,

J

I haven't disappeared! I've been running!

Hey all,

So this past weekend I had a wicked opportunity to help out with a friends music video shoot. He's working on some new material for his portfolio and thought I could help out as one of the main cast. Simple job really, just involving a lot of running in various parts of the city, scaling fences, looking around and staying up all night till the sun rises. All that is almost perfect for me. I love the night time and the whole thing felt a little bit like an adventure. We had it sort of like a covert operation and we the cast found out what was going on as it happened pretty much. It was a really great experience.

We had two shoots. It was meant to be one originally. The first was Thursday night. I was also asked to bring along some friends that might be able to help out as well as the main cast. I quickly figured out a few people without jobs or flexible enough schedules to make it work. I was surprised when everyone I asked came out and spent the whole night running around the city. It was such good times. We ended up having some camera problems with dreaded camera body #51 which delayed everything significantly. Aside from that problem with the body I have only good things to say about the camera. Everything was shot on a Red One. If you don't know about these cameras you must look them up. You can shoot 4k (4x full hd) at 30 frames a second. That's a lot of information! Let's just say that all the footage even when we weren't doing anything looked like gold. We wrapped the first night in this pretty creepy abandoned building. For most of the night we were all afraid to go 5 steps into the place. The sounds, the air, and the pure darkness was crazy. The sun rose and that was a wrap. A few of us went for some wicked (or not so wicked) breakfast and then went home for some major sleep.

Sunday was the second shoot. This would explain why no one saw me at ft. The call was for 6 and I thought it would be pretty rude to leave half way into a sermon. That reminds me that I can catch up online. The shoot Sunday had no camera difficulties and we had a larger crew. This means we had some spiffier lighting setups, wheelchair tracked shots and a very wicked shoot at McGregor park. Mind you the lights in the field went out about 6 minutes too early so we didn't get all of the footage we needed from there. We wrapped much earlier and seeing how some of us were still reeling from the shoot before and I was sick, we didn't stick around for breakfast. I dropped everyone home and drove to my home with the sun rising behind me. That's so cool! Sleep was good that day. I've been in recovery for most of the week. The good news is I'm probably 70% or so. I just need to stop coughing.

This Sunday should be the final shoot. The goal is to get some pickup shots to fill the story in a little bit. A new friend Ayinde that was at the first shoot but couldn't be at the second shoot on Sunday (he was in Montreal) might make an appearance. That would be pretty cool. It's really crazy how close you get to a group of people so fast. I can see how that happens on sets of big money movies too. There's a lot of work but a lot of downtime as well.

Though it isn't the best situation to be missing ft again this week I'll be back the following week and it's going to be amazing. I know I'll already be up on the balcony singing my heart out. Can't wait!

If any of you ever have a chance to help out and be in a music video, especially one that is shooting all night, I highly suggest you just go with it. When else will you get a chance to do something like it?

Much peace, love and rock to all,

J

Singing for all to hear

So it's Wednesday, I'm working, getting down to some work I've had on
the back burner for a little big. It's beautiful weather, I'm sitting
by the window as the sunlight shines upon me. There is much clickity
clack of the keyboards in the room today not just from my own keys.
I'm sitting in a friends studio working away. They're too kind I tell
you. I've had a great week to this point, lots going on and lots of
ideas finally on the rise. Fruition to come soon. There's also a
little bit of waiting involved. And also weighting. Importance etc.

Anyway, here I go on a short rant.

This past weekend marked a big shift in the church that I call
Freedomize. Maybe shift is a terrible word to use. More like
transition. Yeah.. that sits better. We're moving to a new space as
I've mentioned before and this past Saturday I was able to spend the
last of 3 Saturdays in a row helping out at St. Stephen's in the
field. The new home of FT. It was the big move, I was late, I did help
out a little moving things, building shelves and I did a lot of
hanging out getting to know people a little more than I did already. I
decided for Saturday night that I would take it easy, get a little
work done, and not have a crazy 4am mission back to the Saug from the
city. Mission success! I ended up paying a huge sleep debt and slept
for 12 hours. This was perfect. Nice long sleep, nice lazy Sunday and
a great lead into the last worship at St. Andrews. In true FT style,
we had something special in store. Without all of our AV setup we did
it all campfire style on the steps right in front of all the pews. So
sweet! Not only that thought, there's more. We were given 4 minutes
once we were all gathered to go and find a place in the church on our
own to be with Jesus and just pray about whatever we needed to pray
about. It offered people worried about the move a chance to express
it, those that needed to lament to let it out, those that had anything
else on their minds to have a moment in that space one more time to
let it be heard. I had never really been upstairs in St. Andrews so I
headed straight up there, lay down on some chairs and looked right up
at the ceiling. I had so much to give thanks for.

Once we reconvened we sat right up front on the ground camp style and
started into worship. The singing was so loud and unified. I never
knew I knew as many words as I did. It really offered everyone a
chance to let everyone hear their voices loud and clear. Worship was
led by two guitars, Andrew and Leah. I don't know if I can really
explain how it sounded. It was almost like a full spectrum choir.
Anyone who might have walked in during worship would have probably
been awestruck to see so many youngins in full on worship just loving
it. I think it was really the perfect way to have last worship at the
space. I'm sure I'm not the only one with these feelings, I think
everyone loved it.

I think since it's a different sound than we're used to hearing it is
making us all more attentive and less hesitant about the future of the
community. Sitting on the floor, without any electronics, overheads,
we didn't even need lights if they weren't there. If we could be FT
like that, we can be FT anywhere. And this is really going to bring
about some great opportunity in our new location near Kensington Market.

I also invited another person out to FT. I think he's still processing
it and considering it. He comes from a similar background as me with
Catholic School and church so this would likely open his eyes as it
did mine. I did let him know it didn't have to be right away as we'll
be moving into a new space and we'll be working out the kinks for a
few weeks. When you've been in a place for 8 years, you can imagine
not everything will go smoothly. There's still the issue of people
that don't go to FT all that regularly. They might not have been for
months and go back to St. Andrews one Sunday expecting to see familiar
faces and instead will be greeted with locked doors. I really hope and
pray this doesn't happen to anyone though.

Well, that's about all the rant I can handle right now.

BACK TO WORK!!

Well... in a sec.

I watched a wicked movie last night thanks to another wicked FTer.
Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn. Such an amazing classy lady. And
that movie was absolutely brilliant. Black and white yet you can see
so much life in it. It was like a love crazy version of Aladdin mixed
with a little bit of Seinfeld and other things. I found it amazing. If
you're into lovestory movies it's definitely a sweet one to start
with. There's talk of making a round two to enjoy another Audrey
flick. I'm totally in. haha.

Cheerios.

Peace, love and rock,

J