So Let's Start the Dialogue

So how do you feel about a heated debate on a lovely Thursday like today?

Get ready for it. I just overheard the news that the TTC has given media approval for a few interesting ads to run. See the ads below and you'll understand the idea of a heated debate.

The ads are for the Toronto-based Freethought Association of Canada. They'll be on busses and in subway cars. I'm not sure I really know where to begin. I think it's something that definitely sparks interest from the get go. It's attention grabbing and it's quite in your face like a lot of advertising is these days. Strategy plays a large part in ads and a lot of times ads say one thing only to get a rise out of you so you might actually get into the real meat wherever the ad tells you to look for. It's just like those ads mocking big number mega universities with slogans like "you're just a number at colossal U" and when you look deeper at the site it's for a college that represents anything but. Media definitely works in strange ways. So that aside, where do I file this most recent run of ads given my somewhat renewal to church and committed visitations to Freedomize on Sundays? We'll come to that.

The first thing I think about is how others will react to the ads. I wonder how my peers at Freedomize will take them. It's quite a blatant message to say that God probably doesn't exist. Send this message out to a group of people devoted to living their life in the way of Christ and it might not go over so well. How it's ingested really will depend on the level of understanding each person takes from the ad. I think some will look at the ad and be disturbed by it's disruptive message. Speaking to one or two people from Freedomize I asked the question if it was at all difficult to be a Christian in this day and age. Though I could tell the answer wasn't exactly what they'd like to say, they did confirm that it wasn't the easiest thing. I do concur. Even coming from a religious upbringing myself I feel the overall societies impression of Christians is quite misinterpreted. By saying I feel it meaning I was a little hesitant at first about meeting present day practitioners of the Christian faith. The ordinary non-religious person at that might file a Christian straight in the Jesus Freaks pile of society, the type that stand on corners and shout about eternal damnation, fire and brimstone. Isn't that what movies do? Is it so hard to see why it's all like this. I was definitely refreshed to be introduced to the community of Freedomize and meet people there that this way off stereotype did not apply to one bit. Faith isn't forced on anyone and you do have to have your own journey through it all. It's a good way to look at it for sure.

Coming back to my point from the beginning of that paragraph. It's almost like kicking someone when they're down. Religion isn't really high in popularity these days as much of the Catholic church has fallen away like I did and our cynical world doesn't help a bit either. These ads stick it to someone who might already feel like it's not the easiest to be a Christian in this day and age. Of course, a Christian isn't that way because it's easy. Whatever may happen, the whole idea is that you would endure through it all. This is where the emotions may get mixed in with it all. It should be interesting.

So for those who don't know what the Freethought Association is, it's a non profit organization that promotes worldviews of the secular nature. http://freethoughtassociation.ca/n2ew/

It is related to the Secular Alliance. http://secularalliance.ca

Secular

Apple Dictionary describes this as

"denoting attitudes, activities, or things that have no religious or spiritual basis"

Being new to going to church again and having a large portion of my growth as a person without that constant thought of God in my life I can't entirely be against the secular world. It wouldn't make any sense. I am who I am today after living a quite secular life these past 8 years. In this time I've been a good human I think. I've learned about sustainability, love and loss, work, passion, responsibility and many other life values just by trying to be me and a decent, happy and optimistic person. I have also reinforced many Christian values that I had learned in grade-school (catholic) by living them not with God in mind. That being said I'm sure the values were initially learned via religion. So how do I feel about the ads? I think though the message is really going to get under the skin of older generations, perhaps fundamentalists etc. that aren't used to this type of media and might see it as antireligious, it will spark good things. Some bad also. It might actually get youth to talk more about their beliefs not only within the circles of those that believe the same thing. It might the religious and non-religious talking to one another. It might get alternate religions talking about their beliefs. In my mind, the more we know about other religions throughout the world the better we are equipped to believe what we believe. No one should believe something out of default. I did for years and wasn't happy at all. It's just like the way we live. We live typical North American lifestyles but the better we're educated about other cultures the more we'll appreciate what we have here. Just like we're different from the Japanese in culture and the vast amount of space we have for everything. It's an eye opener. Simple dialogue can be amazing. Think about me, if I wasn't open to talking about religion in the first place I would have never ever found myself at Freedomize.

So really at the outset, though the ad campaign comes from a secular organization, it could start cross pollination and could actually spark people who haven't been to church or just haven't been in a while to go and experience something a little newer. Pretty crazy eh?

I know that I've written this already but simply by going to church again and it being a new thing in my life, it has sparked a lot of conversations with my siblings (whom I've never talked to about religion) and friends who are completely non religious to people who hated church when they were in school and all of that.

I think the fact that I've written so much on this already shows just how effective the ads are and the type of advertising is. Again, it's strategy. I'm sure this is only the first I'll hear of this.

The most noteworthy site is the following. It's a site and blog about the ad campaign that started in the UK, has worked it's way through the US and is now coming to Toronto.

http://atheistbus.ca 

On that site it explains the purpose of the campaign. Though it comes from a secular association it speaks truth about the importance of open dialogue and doesn't outwardly say the ideal outcome is to have people non-religious. Perhaps that's just so they're covering their backs but I really thing this will start some interesting debate. The media coverage it's already got will definitely help. Watch out around that water heater this and next week. Could be interesting.

Wow, that was a long one. Thanks so much for your attention.

Peace, love and rock!

Soothing Music

Sometimes all it takes to make a great night is a little music. That's all it took tonight. I just got a bit of our practice recorded from today in an e-mail and it made me smile ear to ear. Until then the night seemed somewhat unresolved, like I couldn't go to bed yet. Anyway, we're definitely on the right track and it's sounding great. I'm looking forward to playing that first show and letting other people take a listen to all the hard work. 

Ah.. now definitely time for bed.

Brilliance, patience, inspiration, motivation

So I'm just having one of those nights. And we all have them. There's lots going right and lots that in the grey area. For some reason the vibe of the night is all wrong. I'd probably be most content eating a whole bunch of junk food and watching a movie I've watched about a million times before. I think it's just that feeling I get when I feel like I'm missing a puzzle piece in my life. Anyway, I won't harp on that like my hopeless romantic soul wants to. I just deleted a whole shpeal of stuff you really don't want to hear about.

Today my adventure was simple, get downtown for practice. In typical fashion, I left a little late and if you didn't catch the radio telling of all schools across many regions being closed, the weather was dodgy. That heavy wet snow make everything outside pretty slick. I managed to navigate my little car safely there and back. In terms of the band, I'll keep it under wraps still but things are going well, we worked out a bunch of a new song today. Still we don't have a single completed song nor do we have a complete line up. Soon enough.

Anyway, I'll sign off really early as one pooped puppy.

Rock, love and peace,

J

Sore and tired eyes

This week has been a great week. I'm super excited, I'm happy, I've met lots of new faces and things are all on the up and up. I'm also so deadly tired. My non rigorous work pattern has let my sleeping patterns slip pretty low on the priorities list. Now it's 11:21 and I'm ready for a nap. The truth of the matter is I'm doing to have a shower, get ready, have lunch then head into the city for cafe session 1 of 15. My friend and I are going to the top new cafe's in the city and making sure they live up to their ranking. It's gonna be fun. Today, Hanks - number 13! Lucky 13 for me cause I was born on the 13th. Rock!

Maybe once I get moving it'll be better then again, I could always do the awesome napping at the jam space. I love that idea actually!

Anyway, I'm just about to be supremely late!

Last note, Freedomize last night was great. I made it barely on time (and things were a few minutes behind which helped huge!) and the word was awesome. Kevin did his thing as only he can and then there was some integration of drama/theatre staged as an outburst and feud within the church. Very effective. For the kingdom this year, I'm truly thinkful.

Peace, love and rock,

J

Yknow what really grinds my gears!

Maybe it's something that I took from Japan but I really believe in cleaning up after yourself. I was in a Second Cup in Streetsville yesterday and a family had taken over a good little portion of the place. Probably 10 people or so. When they decided they were leaving not even one of them put their paper cups in the garbage, no one took their plates or ceramic mugs back, everything was left littered on the table.

What's with that?

You may think this is getting a little too expectant of consumers. I know some people might reason that it's the job of the people working at the coffee shop to clean that stuff up. Sure. I know they're the people that end up having to deal with it when the stuff is left but I wouldn't say you should specifically leave all your garbage on the table to give them something to do. I think this little problem runs deeper than we think. How many problems in this world do you think we could solve if we all just did our little part? If we all spent the 5 seconds to do something for someone else it wouldn't be a larger job to complete when it all collects. It's just like cleaning your room. Wait for it to get crazy and it takes FOREVER to clean.

I'm no saint with doing my little part. I should help out more at home and things like that. We've all got the things we've got to work on, I hope that at some point we'll be able to clean up after ourselves when we're outside of our homes. In-convenience, laziness, ignorance.

Another fun thing I'll blow out of proportion while I'm at it. I'm sitting at a Timmies last night and a car pulls up in front. The car door opens and the person drops a few big McDonalds bags out of the car, closes the door and drives off. WHAT??? We're becoming a society where people that have all the abilities don't use them to do the simplest things. People who can hear, see, speak, walk and all that won't take literally 5 seconds to unbuckle a seatbelt, open the car door and put something in the garbage. 

Maybe it's not their fault? Maybe it was someone elses garbage? Maybe they were in a rush? Maybe ..... uh yeah. There's no excuse! We all know littering is just stupid. It shows disrespect for the people around you and the environment. It's like people don't take any pride in the upper middle class society in which they leave. Such a disappointment. If it wasn't past 1 in the morning and I didn't think it was dangerous I probably would have approached the car about it.

GRRRR, gears grinding...

Everyone enjoy the crazy sunny day with the crisp blue sky. Don't let my rant get ya down. 

Bed time boundaries

K, so it's been one week of non-fulltime jobness. (wicked sentence there... see that...)

Anyway, this whole week I probably didn't get to bed before 2 or 3 in the morning. I'm sure it has something to do with not really having serious consequences if I wake up late. That being said the week took a toll. I was pretty much dead to the world Friday morning till 10am. I've done much worse but this is a work day and I've got months of this ahead. Being on the right foot every step I take is really going to be paramount. 

So yeah, what's the problem. I think I simply don't have the thirst for sleep that I had when I was working. There's so much great and productive things I can do right now, most of it interesting and enjoyable at the very root. It almost feels like taking the time to sleep is taking time away from it or cutting off thoughts half way though. It's a weird thought. I'm going to have to tame it somehow or I'll become a zombie really quick. There's something kind of special about getting to that point of exhaustion where you hit the wall a couple nights in a row.

Good things! I've been the most active in terms of exercise this past week than anytime the past 6 months. It's good. I haven't done any serious work outs but a little bit of running and stuff every day is great. Staying at home I'm finding it really great to get the circulation going part way through the day.

So tonight, after my rant about sleep and stuff, I know it'll be a late one. Hmm. Maybe I should aim for some time before 4am. It just seems to be how birthdays roll these days.

Rock!

J

How do I get back there?

So today is the first day of (kinda) unemployment. I'm still at home in my pj's reviewing concepts for a project I'm working on. I'm looking back at shear gold when I originally conceived of this project. There is so much depth and responsiveness in terms of the rhythm of my life. Here's a question. How do I get back there and make more? haha.

That's all for today. Time for a little exercise to get the circulation going, lunch then back at it for part 2 of the day.

I'm really enjoying this and though I haven't been as productive as originally intended. I know that will come with the freedom of having less other work than this in a few weeks.

Safe havens, new experience, and getting lost. (literally)

Okay! So weird, i was just about to write about one thing and I wrote a title that would preclude me talking about something entirely different in the round about way I usually do eventually leading up to the day that was today. Have a moment to spare? Here I go.

I just started thinking about places that people go to feel save, protected, welcomed and how fragile these things are. Think of a blog. When I started writing post Japan, I think I was writing with the idea that no one would ever be reading it. That I didn't have an audience to speak of and that what I had to think about and say wasn't all that interesting. Then after a comment or two pop up or people tell me outright that my blog is being read it feels a little different. Suddenly what was almost this safe place I went to bounce thoughts had another side that could interpret my ramblings and try to follow the somewhat lost train of thoughts within. I wouldn't say that I really felt all that different, I didn't feel awkward about it but it was a strange realization. K before I lose my thoughts let's think about community or friends as our safe place. How many of us have friends that we totally confide in and can tell everything? How great does it feel to be close to someone. Even if it's a stranger, when you feel a connection and open up it's a great feeling. Either you're feeling safe or you're vulnerable. Sometimes it's both. Can you imagine a life that you didn't have a person to confide in? You didn't have anywhere other than journals to place your thoughts. Think about it. Notebooks can't even hmm and haw to indicate they're thinking about the problems you've just given them, they just keep track of it all. Sometimes even a group of friends can make you feel safe, connected and protected.

Talking to a good buddy of mine in Oz was saying how different people were there. They come and go and there are no solid friendships to be had. Those close friendships that are somewhat intense and bound by something serious can't be had out in the land of the sunshine, beaches and surfer's paradise. I thinks that's kind of sad. I've gone some time without someone to have serious open discussions with. It's horrible! It makes me feel depressed and stuck and pretty lonely. From this experience, I realized I'm more social than I thought I was.

Let's think about Freedomize now. I think for a lot of people, myself included, I feel like it's a safe place. A safe haven. A place to share and be involved in. Not only a place but a community. Cool thought. I think it's a great commitment to invite someone out to the church because it could mean that person might get involved and it's not just a church, it's part of your safe place, part of your community. I'm thankful every day that I got invited and decided to go. Things happen in strange ways all the time.

Hmm.. let's get this out in the open while I'm on this chain of talking all personal and stuff. I can be pretty clingy. If I'm in a place where I know one person, chances are I want to be by that one person. If it's my group of friends it's all good, if it's someone elses, it's like clingwrap mode. I'm doing better lately but I can imagine how mentally draining it can be sometimes on just one person. Independence is gold and comfort is silver. Just imagine if you read my blog every day with all of the crazy long wound about thoughts for a month straight. You'd probably scream at me and tell me you really don't have a need to know every little thing that I'm thinking about. Pretty rough.

Another little thought I won't elaborate on at all because I don't really have much. I like straight shooters! Makes life a little more simple. Rock!

K, so today I drove. All day. It was great actually. In trying to go to London with my bassist to pick up a bass we inadvertently went to Niagara Falls before realizing we were going the wrong way. Well it wasn't really the Falls but it was the sign that said "Buffalo" and "Niagara". We were like... "London?" After some backtracking we actually got there and back. We totally missed church though we made some pretty good time (considering) plus went 550km or so on a little more than half a tank. Though it wasn't awesome to miss FT this week, I know I'll be there next weekend. I'll chalk it up to things happening for a reason and that this week, the time I'll spend thinking or praying will be me alone.

Here's a new question that I got asked today. Am I thinking of membering at FT. I think I responded I don't know. I think we can change that to a maybe. That's I maybe thinking about possibly membering at the church. I think I'm going to ask some more questions about what it all means and what livingroom is all about and if it would be something that I'd find as great at the regular service is. I'm still in the mode where I'm mulling over my exact thoughts on religion, Christianity and many other things so I wouldn't want to be out of place. I'm sure the answers will come to me in time. For now, I'll listen and be patient.

I heard something today. "It's easier to be a Christian when you have Christian friends." True? I think so. Just look at me.

Anyway, I'm sure I've written to much, gone too deep and touched on some things that are close to me. Be gentle haha.

You all have an amazing night, morning, week and just cause, put on a big smile and think about at least one thing that you're thankful for. It just might change your day a little.

Love, peace and rock!

J

Was today supposed to weird?

K, so there's lots of stuff going on in the city in the world, it's all a little on the crazy side. My sister is opening a new store in a few weeks, Ottawa's bus is still on strike, planes are landing on water because of birds (Canada geese?), we're having power outages or across the city in below minus 15 temperatures, it was my final day at my full-time day job, Steve Jobs is going on medical leave, let's not forget Gaza and Obama is being sworn in next week. It's a little bit of a change in news than the doom and gloom and maybe it's all for a reason? Maybe it means that we're not supposed to just sit tight holding our wallets close to us. The world still has to go round. I can't remember which magazine I looked at today but it said something like 250,000 of us stand to lose our jobs this year. There's the reminder of the doom and gloom again. I wonder how many magazines are focussing on recession talk? Anyway, I'm probably one of those people that are the least in the loop about the whole issue. I know it's not good and I know it affects me as a graphic designer.

Anyhow, with all these things wizzing around I had my last day at my full-time job. One would expect it to feel weird or epic. One might expect pitchers after the day to celebrate. One might expect a lot of things but it was business as usual. In fact I think the most interesting part of the day came just before a client meeting I was having at Starbucks. I was sitting working on my stuff and decided to try one of those sandwiches from the cool counter. I got the Italian Cheese, tomato and pesto on focaccia and the nice girl at the counter warmed it up for me. It was pretty good. Better than I thought and held me over till I got home for real dinner. Plus I ended up eating that instead of a double chocolate brownie which would have done little for my grumbling tummy. Before I had a chance to begin the sandwich I young dude started randomly chatting with me about my computer. I had upgraded recently to a new Macbook Pro. I'm actually a borderline Apple fanboy. Yes, the blinders are on sometimes and I apologize for my stubbornness. Anyhow, the guy wanted to know a little about the machine etc. Then after sitting next to me to discuss more I guess he asks a question I hadn't heard in a while. Maybe since grade school. "Do you think we could be friends?"

Now before I get reamed out for being cruel or anything like that, let me finish the story. I found it a pretty odd question and he continued almost to give me reasons why we should be friends. He's a nice guy and sensitive he says. I said that's cool, "I'm a sensitive dude too". I talked a little more with the guy to find out he's in his first year of nursing and just started in September. I didn't feel like he was threatening but I did feel odd about the situation. It's not often that someone might approach me out of the blue like that and nor does it happen vice versa. (there's a story there, just wait, you'll hit me). He was a little socially awkward as well and I know I can relate to that a lot. I'm an awkward kid 80 percent of my life. I don't have a smooth bone in my body almost haha. Anyway, I've got the guys e-mail address after he asked me to put him in my computer. I wonder what to do. I know the actions of a lot of people might be to totally write the guy off and not e-mail anything to him, treat it like it never happened. I know that that isn't the right action to take though.

On a social level, yes that was weird. My client saved the day almost by showing up and shortening the conversation. But this guy could have many reasons for his awkwardness. He could simply not have many friends and is reaching out to someone that happens to be me. Who am I to turn my back on someone in need? If I was in the same situation wouldn't I want someone to contact me? But is that thought process right? Am I guilting myself?

If we think about religious terms we know what the right actions are as well. I can't turn my back on this person. I'm not learned with the bible these days so I can't give any passages but if you simply think "what would Jesus do?" you'd get my drift.

The other side of this coin can be frightening and in any case I should exercise caution. I don't think that I'd like another face to face encounter with this person at this time but perhaps some of the mystery can be broken down via e-mail. It's all strange. Just like the past few months, I think this is another event that's supposed to happen. Weird sequences of events have led me to good things for months now and I'm truly thankful.

About a half hour later during a break in my client meeting I helped another mac user in the coffee shop with a problem on their computer. The elderly gentleman had some visual impairment as he explained. We talked for a little while as I awaited my clients return. He seemed like quite an interesting fellow. Why did this all seem so strange? I guess in the past week I've felt a need to help people in need but haven't done anything. I know lots of people are having a tough time at this time of year for one reason or another and as a friend, I'm super happy being a sounding board. It seems some others are piping up instead of my close friends.

Anyway, completely off topic to todays events, that not meeting people out of the blue thing... Over the holidays I got together with a few high school friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. A couple of them I hadn't seen for over a year. We were all in a booth at the local Turtle Jacks and I couldn't help but notice this beautiful girl sitting at a booth sort of across on the other row of booths. I think we kept doing the looking at each other and looking away thing. Like eye tag or something. I'm entirely awkward with any situation like this and with my lack of confidence I didn't even say hi. Something about it made me think that it wasn't a good thing she was looking at me, or perhaps she was just looking at my friend. What did I have to lose by saying hello? Anyway, hit me now, my hopeless romantic, pining person.

I guess this is a pretty personal post, I'm exhausted from the last week and going to bed super late so I won't even read through. Publish!

Love ya all.

Peace, love and rock!

J

Something about writing long things

I'm not sure why I have a knack for writing things that are so far removed from being concise but it's just what I seem to do.

I could have probably summarized the below blog as. I went to Freedomize again and it talked about listening. We had a moment of silence and it gave me shivers. Well, you read the long version and tell me which you like better. I prefer the long way, more to it, more intricate, more personal. Less concise. haha.

I'm still on this journey and starting even more transition. I'm sure there's a ton of reflection to come, possibly some drawing. I'll have the time in about a week presumably.

Love ya,

J

Shivers on Sunday

It's been quite a week and quite a weekend. Tonight for some odd reason I won't go into detail about many of them. I'll tell you about tonight instead. It's Sunday so I was at Freedomize again for another visit. I can't remember what number I'm on and I think that's great. I'm there to stay for sure so I'll stop with the counting. I keep meeting great people and wanting to talk endlessly to them. I think I'm a little socially starved at work, especially in the last few months. Since not too long ago I was in a lul of not meeting any new people for months it's pretty phenomenal.

The sermon this week was about listening. It rang pretty close to me. As I've explained a couple times before, sometimes I just love to close my eyes when I'm in a place and just listen. It's amazing what things you can hear when you take the time to listen. Obviously the sermon wasn't only about having these moments and more about the larger picture of listening and hearing what is being said as the main message. Still the entire idea was great. Kevin spoke after the pastor and gave everyone a moment of silence. I closed my eyes and could hear the hum of the city outside and the audio equipment. The shifting and squeaking of peoples shoes as they tried to sit still. Even light breathing of those around me. It gave me shivers. Have you ever been listening to a really great song and it gave you shivers in a particular part? I think there's been a few songs like this through my life. I don't have one right now though. I think I had more when I didn't drive though. If I was out with the parents at night or on a road trip I'd always have my phones plugged in listening to my soundtrack and would often close my eyes to focus on the music. There was always one song at each particular point in my life that would give me a shiver right down my spine. It's crazy how this happens. Yes FT is a little chilly at times but I'm sure it wasn't that. It's amazing what sound can do.

This week begins a little bit of a journey for me. I'm about to be unemployed and start spending days at home. A part of me worries that I will not use my time wisely, that I'll wake up late, I'll watch too much tv, I'll slack off and not be able to find a job. But really, it's not a large part of me. The larger part of me is excited to start being creative, to go to a coffee shop and work on creative ideas for a whole day then get home and start producing it all. To stay up until a vision is somewhat complete before it's lost. Hopefully to clear up some unfinished work I owe people. And perhaps, I'll be able to catch up with some friends for lunch or coffee during the week. I'd love that. A year ago, I went from one of the most flexible schedules to a highly fixed and busy 9-5 job thingy. It dealt with it fairly well though, making weekends my own, very separate from work. I think I have to be mindful of the late nights and make sure I don't get too out of whack with the daylight hours of the world. I'm sure there's lots that will help me along.

I think I'm just rambling now. I was going to watch a movie but I think I'd be better to pack my stuff for practice and read a bit. I have enough thoughts racing through my mind that I don't really need more things to think about. I will have Trainspotting to watch this week though. I recently saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was great and I highly suggest. I won't tell you a thing about it though. Not now. Too tired.

Night all.

Rock, peace, and love,

J

Sometimes things just happen

Now I'm a believe in things all happening for a reason. (I feel like I've begun a lot of posts this way.) Sometimes things just happen, they change, they shift, sway and wobble. At first it can appear to be utter chaos, bad timing on the part of many things and a horrible mess of things that could have been. Then sometimes they all just snap into place and align. It's pretty cool when that happens and you can bet it doesn't happen all that often. Someone told me today that it could be divine intervention. I can't say for sure but it's good.

I'll keep this post short. Progress reports come the weekend. Coffee shop work session tonight. Let the creative calamity ensue.

Peace, love and rock!

J

Girls, God and Getting out of the house

I feel like I've taken days off of blogging or something. There's a few things I had from the last couple days that I wanted to chime in on but just haven't had the time. Now is the time. The blogs are coming for you.

So Friday didn't work out exactly as I had planned. I woke up... late, got some work done for the day at a coffee shop which was really nice but late again and then I think I lounged around the house in the evening. I had an opportunity to go to a show but felt I wasn't exactly deserving from my stellar performance from the day so I had a little bit of a work out instead. I did squats for the first time in months and my legs are still recovering. I think it's a sign that all my talk of being more active should become action about being more active. I simultaneously watched dumb and dumber for the first time, most of it anyway. I think I capped off the night with a movie, pretty low key, pretty lonesome too. That's alright though.

Saturday was leagues better. I knew I was going to be off to a stellar party in the evening but wanted to make sure I did something with myself during the day. I woke up quite late again but the weather was gorgeous. Blue skies, moderate temperatures, all the makings of a great day. It's like when someone smiles at you. I didn't have all that much to do around the house and no one really to go see (well... Minus my friend who just became a mom. I've figured I'd give her a little time to settle in and now I think I'm on the late side of calling but I can't wait to talk to her and see how life as mom is going. So cool. Even though I'm not there yet.) I packed a bag and hopped in the car and drove out to rattlesnake point and spent hours just wandering around and taking a few snap shots. I think it was the best think I could have possibly done. 

The air was perfect, the sound was almost silent and every step had that satisfying footsteps in the snow sound. The pathways were marked by endless shadows of the trees standing tall and bare in the winter sky. The shadows lie there still on the ground like planks I walk over. There is a hum in the distance of industry, a faint reminder that all this nature isn't far from me yet I rarely visit. I stop to hear the atmosphere around and birds chirp high above my head. Everything stands still. If I were to move to the city, I'd have to come to this place at least once a month. It's too precious to neglect. 

I was pretty distracted by all the beauty around that for the first few hours I tore through about 300 photos. With a full memory card I began to simply walk and  listen. I listened not only to the sounds of the wilderness but everything. Walks like this often generate thoughts that somehow seem more personal and pronounced. It must be the space and atmosphere. I walk and wonder about girls, god and what is going to happen in these next few months. Romance is never really too far from my thoughts. I'm an emo guy at heart looking for that other half, that better half that might appreciate me as much as I appreciate her. It's a lot to ask right now I guess. My thoughts on God were had a little more progress going on. I prayed a little even and it felt good. I'm finding myself in an interesting place. I'm excited that I'm going to church again and have told many people about it and answered their questions. My dad always told me, whatever you do, make sure you do if for the right reasons. For some reason I almost feel compelled to get this message out that I'm going to church again for the right reasons. Prior to meeting many of the people in the community of FT I hadn't met very many Christians that would talk about their faith. And for some reason even thought I was raised Catholic there's some sort of bad wrap that gets tacked on to the faithful. It's a really strange thing. It's almost like the world is much to cynical to take religion seriously anymore. I'll be believing what I believe should I wonder what others think about it? Weird questions I know. Finally, I'm not worried about the next few months but I've realized it's a moment where I can really shine. If there was a time to be creatively rich, it would be now. There's tons more that I thought about but I think I'll return to rattlesnake to finish off those thoughts. They're still in the oven.

Anyone who needs a little bit of a break from the city, a place to collect your thoughts or even a place to not think about anything at all, I'd highly suggest rattlesnake park on a great sunny day when it's snow covered. Sadly, I left before the sun set but next time I'll pack a little more, have a picnic or something and take a few snaps of the sunset. I think while it's still winter, I'd like to plan a day trip and go with a group of friends to walk around, hike and get tired. I was pooped and sweaty when I got back to the car and went straight for a nap when I got home. It was a great night and at the end of it all when I arrived back home from the party for bed I knew it was an amazing day.

There's some purdy pictures below. Enjoy.

Peace, love and rock!

J

I have a question for ya.

Let's think about this for a second.

When will you feel old?

Right now, I don't feel old. I'm 26 going on 20. My hairline's kinda receding, I still feel like a young whippersnapper! I often wonder when I will feel old. I keep saying music will keep me young but at what point, what line will be crossed and I'll give in and start saying "I feel old". Will it be when I have a kid of my own? Will it be when I move out? Will it be when I throw out my back? Will it be when I have to go to bed early every night?

So really, when will you feel old? And if you do feel old, it's too early to feel old. I'm almost sure of it.

Rock,

J

A little too relaxed?

If you're someone who likes to read entire blog posts, maybe you should get a tea for this one. I'm feeling pretty mirror like this evening. Maybe it's cause my brain thinks it's 9pm.

It's been a great break, lots of good times, lots of days to let it all hang out and do very little or nothing. A lot of time to think about life, love, the complexities therein, to think about faith, God and where it fit's in with me, to think about music and the things that keep me kicking day in and day out good day or bad. Time hasn't exactly gone by slowly through the break but I'm sure I have more timeless moments before the break is up and even then it's not the end of the world when I have to go back to work.

Anyway, today, as it's 2am I'm wondering if I've played the break too much as slack off time and haven't got enough things done. I feel unproductive and not particularly well rested. That being said I'm pretty content. I'm not worried about the time that has passed or feel that I need to rush to catch up. I try not to look back on times and think about all the crazy things that should have happened and how horrible it is that things didn't go to plan. I choose to celebrate things that did happen. Looking forward is better than looking back I think. I met some more new people and devoted some time to the family. Awesome in my books.

I do wonder sometimes how technology impacts my work. I just upgraded from my G4 Powerbook and have been spending copious amounts of time on the new laptop. Very little of this time has been work time though. It's strange. The computer is so much more capable that my previous computer yet I've been a facebook junkie like never before. The bad thing is that all this connectivity makes me want instant gratification and responses and lots of amazing things to happen based on random things I post and rant about. Then for some odd reason I'll get frustrated by lack of response and all of that. It's really foolish. There are so many other things I should focus on. I could very well use a lot of this time to research and learn for the impending job hunt in the new year. I guess it's all the nature of a procrastinator. It'll get done... tomorrow right? I've learned through much procrastination, the hardest thing to do is to start. Sometimes it's torture to begin but once the first effort is made, hours can be poured onto anything. The key is to start early as possible. (Let's take my own advice tomorrow ya?)

So tomorrow I'll have a rewarding day, wake up at a decent time, and get to some things I've put off and hopefully all goes well. There's one more weekend in the break and I feel that I need to earn it in some way. I don't need to rush, but starting to turn the wheels won't be too bad.

In the past week or so I'm sure you've seen a rise in blog posts. That's partly because of the freedom of the break and that I simply like blogging. After the Japan trip I really missed writing somewhere when I had random sequences of thoughts and no one to pour them out to or listen to them. This has been a great release and I think I'll continue at some sort of pace continually changing the subjects and levels of personal content. Every day is different and that'll all be reflected here. Something that I have a hard time with is having a lack of restrictions and with that I'll totally embrace this platform and try to run in all sorts of directions. I've found myself constantly inspired and moved by others blogs. They all ask such relevant questions that seem to make my day better, that make my brain more active than it's been the past few years and I love that.

So yeah, tomorrow, I'll do some minimal computer time and make some serious things happen. I'm sure I'll report back.

For now, it's soooo bed time. Sweet dreams.

Peace love and rock!

J

Let's make a moment!

I don't know why but I feel like I should capture this moment. I wanted to be writing this maybe half hour ago but I'm now finally alert enough to make it happen. It's quarter to 3pm new years day and I just woke up. The house was generally quiet aside from my dad playing reggae music a room away. The sky is overcast but the wind looks still. It's a new day but it doesn't feel all that much different. I think what I wanted to capture was my waking thoughts, random as they are, perhaps parts of my dreams or something. I woke up to the phone ringing and I wonder if I had been talking in my sleep because I didn't have my normal super grit sandpaper voice going. I've been told that I do talk in my sleep. No one has told me what I talk about though.

Anyway, all that relationship stuff is on the brain. It's the nature of new years and that idealized count down where you hold your loved one in your arms and give them a big long sexy smooch when the clock strikes zero. It's the perfect ending to a movie that has cheese. Anyway, my thought that has no leads or attached thoughts. It's not an end to a long string of ideas, it's just in my head. "Let the love in." Wow. That's pretty cheese eh. I'm quite capable when I let myself. But yeah it makes sense right. Love doesn't happen when you want it to and often doesn't happen with those you want it to happen with, if you're open things may develop in ways you wouldn't think they would. I remember "the first love". We'd been together for a year and a half or so and were calling it quits. In the midst of the pain, misery, the late night argument that ensued, she told me that she had not always loved me. That when we started our relationship, she really wasn't sure and it just grew. That's always stayed with me. It means that everything doesn't have to be perfect right from the beginning. Nothing is perfect and relationships are supposed to have their give and take. I guess I'll tie it back all cheesy like. If she hadn't let the love in we would have never happened. And we all know I wouldn't be the person I am now.

A small note on new years. It was a late night, got home at 5, slept at 6, missed the sunrise, visited two parties, one of them twice, lots of people, okay conversation, much more than I could have asked for in any night especially new years, I'm grateful.

Eep, that's enough cheese reflection for the day, perhaps the week. I'm off to find some "requested" mac & cheese for a gathering later and actually put some food in my stomach.