Something about the air of the day feels good and calm. It could be that I'm again alone in the suburban house that I live in. My parents are away right now and my aunt is visiting and helping take care of my Grandma. With these visits always comes a certain degree of craziness. She has a way about her that isn't bitter or worn down by the matters of past years and the day to day grind, an energy about her attentiveness to everything that is quite impressive. It's also different than my mom who bears the stresses of the every day and the past 25 years. Yes, there's something amazing about my aunt and at the same time, something that my family can sometimes find to be too much. Now that she's taken Grandma out and the energy in the house has somewhat normalized I find myself thinking about my family dynamics and how I react to certain things like my aunt and her ways. I was thinking this morning about children who have lost a parent or something like that and are forced to live with an aunt or someone great but someone that is definitely not their parent. It's such a hard thing I think. That person can be amazing but as creatures of habit, no matter how good, bad, high strung, etc our parents can be we come to love them just as they are. They could be the most imperfect people on the planet but yet we love and defend them. If I were in the situation of being raised by someone else other than my mom I think I'd have some serious rebellion problems. It's weird. I'm not that type of person yet I feel like I understand why I'd react in those ways. Change is sometimes hard eh?
Anyway, that's not the direction I was thinking to take this morning but I guess it was sitting on my heart as I ate breakfast. Now the house is quiet and the reality is that I've had an amazing day so far. I woke up admittedly late... Well technically, I woke up on time, turned off all my alarms and slept for another two hours. So yeah, woke up late and got straight outside to wake up while walking. This is something I've really come to enjoy in the past few weeks. It's given me time to wake up, get the blood flowing a little for the day, get some sunshine and pray a little. That being said my brain is such a scattered mess in the morning, the only constant is the pacing of my footsteps but I think God understands. Anyway right now I'm sitting at my computer after my breakfast and feel super blessed to be doing what I am right now, to have friends that are supportive and care so much and all of that. A guy couldn't ask for much more. Well except someone to love but all in time right? All in the right channels and all that too. This morning I took a quick peek on plenty of fish again. I had deactivated my account quite a while ago and with a look at a few profiles I knew there wasn't anything there for me. A friend of mine said something about love recently that has stuck with me the last few weeks. "Love finds you when you're poor." She quickly followed that with "I'm broke so I think I've got a good start." Amazing! It is true though and has been true in my life. Love really does find you. When you're seeking for it, it just doesn't happen. Love should be easy, at least at first.
Anyway, deep breaths, I'm running behind on a few very important jobs so I better get to it. Crank the Phoenix and chair dance my way to victory this afternoon.
Peace, love and rock,
J
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