I'll just dig right in. How could you be a true blue friend? Do you really know how? Do I? Is it timing? Is it presence? Is it the words that come out of your mouth? Or perhaps the words that don't? How does it all work? Is patience and kindness enough? Do you have to ask the hard questions? Do you call your friends out when it needs to be done? Are you truthful to a fault with them not hiding anything and bearing your soul? (Is this all too dramatic?)
When bad things happen do you talk about it? Do you skip over it? Do you say nothing? Do you try to help or do you try to do nothing at all in fear of making things worse?
Hmm.. that last one is a deep one. If I'm being fully honest it just brought tears to my eyes. If I empathize with friends who've lost jobs, miss foreign lands or have lost more irreplaceable things how should I be a true friend? I don't really think I'm good about talking about things until I get way deep into them. I'm hardly smooth. Awkward? That's me in spades. I guess that's why I like the ability to write things out fully in words cause my mouth has a tendency to screw it all up. At times I'm rather terrified of making things worse, not knowing entirely how to deal with things and what to say on the spot. (Think of me as Paul Rudd in I love you man) So I wonder now if I've made things worse for friends, made their days worse somehow as they're dealing with their own weights. It's a really hard thing for me to deal with I think. Wouldn't we all just love a little bit of awesome to rub off of each of us onto everyone else to make days better not worse? It's a really tough line. Maybe I should stick to the pen and paper. The terrible thing about that is that I feel it's so cold, it's type, there's no tone, no delivery with variance of speed, pitch, mumbling (in my case). There's less and more truth at the same time. Less truth in what is said at times and more truth in the sounds of the voice on the end of the line or in front of you. What would a friend prefer? Would the friend realize that you mean your best but you're entirely awkward? Would they like the written sentiment? Tact?
I think I'm still a little lost in these questions. It's definitely a little nebulous. I can deal with tough situations. I'm pretty pliable. But I think I'm just overall bad at talking about them. That's a pretty dire conclusion and I don't think it's entirely true. Something for me to pray about I think.
Perhaps all I can really offer is a hug and a sounding board. A hug is pretty flawless. It has no words. It's safe ground for me.
Anyway, I'll return to these thoughts a little later after some processing. For now, I've got to get moving and get to practice. It's been such a short day so far after sleeping in. I'm really hoping this means I'll have some juice in the battery later tonight to get some work done.
Sorry to be on the down and mellow side but I can only write how I feel at the time. I'm sure things will be different later or tomorrow.
Peace, love and rock to all.
J
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