The mysterious adventures of the cheerios man

A small connection that made sounds with such resonance

2010-04-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Such a long time since the last post and I can't remember exactly where I left off so let's do a current state of today.

I'm working at the school and doing freelance design.

I'm living in Toronto. Fabulous! Just a month ago I made the transition from burbs to city.

I'm no longer single. That's right! Off the market!

I'm still driving for the moment but will find a bike sometime soon to terrorize the motorists.

I'd love to share so much about all of these things especially thoughts on my lovely lady but tonight I think I'll focus on one little thing.

So moving into the city was an amazing thing. I moved in with two other guys I met at church and we're great friends now. In fact, they started looking for this place without me but told me they were looking for a place for all 3 of us. I didn't think it would happen but here we are. The house is amazing and did all the convincing that was needed.

Since moving into the city and moving into this house we've taken on thing small thing doing breakfast once a week. At first it was good friends of ours who made us breakfast for our first day in the city as we hadn't grocery shopped or anything. Such a lovely gesture and other people overhead of this and joined us. It was a lovely breakfast thing. Then every week since we've just been doing breakfasts and each week, more people come out and it's been a great way to see the church community be a community. And it's been even more amazing to see that happen in the same roof that I sleep.

Anyhow, from moving in I felt a huge responsibility, that this move was made possible by God and that we should make sure to use the house in a way to grow our capacity somehow in our church community. Almost like the idea of being faithful to the gifts and provision of God. Wicked idea right? I do try to keep mindful of it all but sometimes you can lose sight of things like that. Anyway, this past Sunday at church, it was a decent service and then it came time for communion and tithing. Tithing is giving money to the church. As a member of the community, it's important to tithe as without it, the church wouldn't be able to do things like have services on Sundays.

So I take a white envelope like any time before and borrow a pen to write my name and info on the envelope. It's for tax purposes really. I always forget a pen though. Anyway, I look at the envelope and write my name. Then I go to start writing my address and something hit me fairly powerfully. I was writing on the envelope the address of the place I just moved into in the city. After a long waiting period and a lot of commuting from the burbs and so much effort this was something that happened that I definitely couldn't have just willed myself. Writing the address on an envelope that was an offering to the church and to God made so much sense. It tied the house back so well to that responsibility to make amazing things happen here. It also made me crazy thankful again and in that moment I recalled everything this past year and a bit that has gone right, all the growth I've had etc. Such an amazing moment.

Anyway, I'm so tired from a show the band just played in St. Catherines so I'm going to run and jump and do a perfect swan dive into my bed.

Mmm sleep.

Peace, love, rock and sleep,

Coffee House

2010-02-12T17:54:00.001-08:00

Hey all!

It's been such a long time since I've been blogging eh. I've got some big posts come to mind but a lot of the ideas have sadly been bouncing around my head for weeks upon weeks. So much is going on. This will probably one of the shortest posts ever.

So, I got my G drivers license. Amazing! This is something I put in my "Things" list under Life. I felt it was something I needed to be a little more grown up and serious about moving on up in my life. Done! The reason it became such a big thing is because I totally failed it my first attempt and then I got busy and then the testing people were on strike forever. The bonus was an extended license which gave me the time to go and pass it rightly. Sweet!

Second, the band played our first show. Yes we did play it at a house party but we played awesome and that's totally what counts. Show's coming up in March. Look for the band name "Take Cover Arizona" It just might be us. Cuba Libre has somehow lost it's lustre over the entire year since this plane first took off so we're trying on a new name to see how it goes. It seems to fit and less obscure than the Libre. So now the topic of conversation on the band name is gone but that's alright.

Third, I'm leaving the nest. Yep I'm moving into the big city. Finally yknow. Kidding. I think it's just the right timeing. I wasn't ready before. I've done some things over the past few months that have given me a huge boost and added confidence in all this amazing stuff. I feel ready now, and I think I can afford it too. My dream of scraping by for a little bit as I work my but off is almost here.

Fourth, I'm organizing an event for my church. Yes. Me... Weird eh? I never saw my self as the type to take on a task such as this but I almost feel like I'm organizing something for family or whatever. I can't screw it up as long as I put the energy I usually put into events into this one. The difference is that I took on the role as the main guy. It's kind of fun. It's going to be amazing. Oh and you should definitely come! I don't know how few people read my blog but really you should think about it.

Here's a card that was done. I can't take credit for the drawing. That's all Andrea Manica. She has a wicked blog called "Cereal with a smile". If you like the drawing on the card, check her blog, you'll love it.

But yes, the church is just east of College and Bathurst. Just east of Bellevue on the south side. Everyone is welcome. We'll have free coffee, inexpensive yummy snacks and other warm beverages. It's a great opportunity we have for outreach so bring a friend. Oh, important facts. The Coffee House is an event that's chill like a coffee shop but a band or musical act is playing. We'll have some games, comfy seating and a wicked ambience to our environment. You'll love it. Plus you could meet some great people and have some wicked fun. So yeah, bring a mug, bring a friend or two or three or four or more. Everyone is welcome. In fact, if you see random people on your travels to get to the event, invite them too. We'd love to have them there.

Your Heart will be playing. Rumour is that they have a new song about Zelda. Maybe they'll play it. And then Elissa Mielke and Chris Graham will also be playing. Both super talented singer songwriters on piano and guitar respectively.

So yeah, you and me and a whole bunch of other people, let's rock!

Peace, love, rock and coffee house to all,

Time stretches like dough. You should try it! Delicious!

2010-01-11T03:28:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

I'm back for a quick moment of reflection I think. That very long year look-back really cleaned out a lot of thought that was kicking around my little brain.

Let's focus on the tail end of the week first. It was the tail end of the week. Wow... observant eh? It was actually alright but a bit of a battle. I swear, my two jobs are fighting each other. Right now the one with more passion is kind of the underdog and taking a licking. No good. The bigger more drone-like one is winning. Or was winning anyway. I basically have a great project that I'm super psyched about but haven't had the proper time to dedicate to it.

Let's cut to Friday night and the start to a pretty epic weekend!

A friend of mine from church was having a party and as I like to do, I went. I'm still getting over a cold so I totally just went to hang out and chat. It was really cool to do that. It also dawned on me just how comfortable I am with friends that I've known for less than a year. So cool. Great discussion, great environment and all that.

Cut to Saturday! I had plans to have a Breakfast at Tiffany's breakfast viewing with my Audrey viewing friend for over two months and it finally happened. We did have breakfast at 3 but that was after we made both pancakes and biscuits. I even did shopping that morning for any missing goodies and totally forgot about sugar. haha. I don't know the neighbors so we went on a mad dash, a great adventure to the grocery store. Seriously! It was fun. Something about going to the grocery store with a friend is great. It's like new different conversations are sparked. Plus there's some sort of bonding over food and shopping for food! Anyway, Audrey did us proud (as we all know). Breakfast at Tiffany's is simply amazing! I noticed while watching how much I love the way the movie sounds. Audio capture of the 70's? 60's? Awesome!

Breakfast was my meal of the day. I laid low on the food the rest of the day. But I did go to band practice. Darran is back and we rocked out pretty good. Good things coming, talk of shows, talk of recording, lots of talk and perhaps a party where we make an appearance. Sweet! I spent Saturday night watching Yes Man with a good friend. Love that movie. Such open arms to life. I love it!

Sunday! Brunch with great friends. Cause brunch is pretty much the best meal ever! We've decided that it should be a once a week or once a month thing. Sometimes we just don't see enough of each other yknow. This is church friends. Sunday nights are good for some people but for those in school it's a crazy time, finishing work for the next day or prepping for early class or the work week. Late nights of relaxing in depth conversation just aren't happening in those types of frameworks. This was a nice change and it was beaming beautiful rays of light this morning. I of course was late but highly enjoyed the company and foods. Heading back to the studio I had a tough work session trying to get my head wrapped around things for a client meeting tomorrow.

Then... Church time! It's like my favorite part of my week even when the weekends are full of little victories! The sermon was about the spirit and following the spirit and walking with the spirit. I loved the tractor beam analogy. Basically, walking with the Holy Spirit is like walking into a tractor beam to get beamed up. Somewhere along the way you may see something outside of the beam you want and go to get it and of course you start falling. I definitely felt the spirit tonight in that church. I'm not great at singing but a part of me just wanted to sing so loud and so proud and really get into the worship. "My heart, it beats for you!"

Such an amazing night. I also got to see a few people from my living room that had just got back into the city. I'll be honest and a little cheesy. I missed them while they were gone. It's so good to see them back and it also means they'll be at living room on Wednesday when I make a little spicy (not as spicy) chili. I've been thinking that making that tomorrow might be a way way better use of my time or even Tuesday after getting back from practice. Something tells me that rushing home to cook from work before living room might be pushing my abilities a little too much. We'll see though, it'll all work out. I know that for sure.

I sadly had to return to the studio after all that loveliness but it was good. I feel a little more on track and like I've put in worth while time into it. It is also past 6 in the morning. That means it's time to stop writing. Oh me. Probably should have just gone to bed but it's hard when there's stuff running around my head.

I'm so fortunate and I really try not to forget it. There's something inside me that just lovely helping people. I feel so fortunate that I'm in a position where I can do so much good and help the friends that I have from anything like a ride down the street to putting together portfolios or giving them a sounding board and listen to the ache's of their heart. The dynamics of the days and weeks as they go by constantly astound me. Everything seems to get more complicated and ridiculously intertwined and yet there's so much joy in each moment, especially when you get to the end of the day where all you have to do is go to bed and you can reflect on it, blog about it and have such hope for tomorrow.

One interesting note! I asked my living room for input on where I might spend some time reading in the bible. After buying an NIV version for the very first time last week I've been waiting to block off an afternoon and get deep into the good book. Friends from living room really gave some good pointers for me as the newb and again that's something to be thankful for. I now have a group I can ask these questions. It's like having the wealth of knowledge of 13 other amazing people at my fingertips. And together, we'll be much more than the sum of us together.

Anyway, no thoughts left. I'm sure this is the time that I should be aiming to wake up every morning. Maybe in two days time.

Love to all,

Welcome to 2010, how was your flight?

2010-01-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

2010.

Twenty-ten.

Two-thousand and ten.

Wow, it's been quite the journey but it's here and as promised, it's reflection time.

The way I see it, there is always 3 states, past, present and future. (shrugging off the sense I'm in English or French class). Here's how it fits in to my little head. The past has brought us to the present where we decide on the present that effects the future. Let's start in the now and work our way back to the beginning of 2009 (though I can't really remember very well that far back).

Right now, I'm sitting in a very warm and cozy apartment (the ground floor of a house) in the west end of Toronto. It feels like home, I've just entertained and played host for some guests. Am I living in the city? I'd love to say yes but the answer truly is "kinda". I'm house sitting for some lovely friends that decided to celebrate their holiday season back home in Amsterdam. I totally win out in this situation. I've been having something of the time of my life. I'm close to friends and use that closeness to actually see them. In fact, they can come visit me! (Allow me to bask in this concept for just a sec. It doesn't happen all to frequently when you're in your twenties and live at home in the suburbs of a city.) I've been cooking also! I had a few things I made for myself (scraps from the fridge) back in the summer but never actually prepared a whole meal from scratch. But this past week I made some awesome soba with some drizzled rice vinegar, soy sauce, ginger, chili stuff on top with some chicken. So good. I also made pasta sauce from scratch, letting it all boil down and tomatoes make lovely fresh sauce that was just a little spicy. Mmmm. Then I made the hottest chili I've ever tasted in my life. It's vegetarian chili at that. I think I've surprised myself in both how I've just rolled with the punches, made substitutions, learned what things could go with what. I also surprised myself in the end product. Things actually taste good! This means there's hope for me for the future. I also had a lot of fun doing it. Perhaps I'll have people over for dinner next week. Might be a late dinner but it'd be fantastic anyhow.

Being in this house is great. It makes me really feel like Toronto is where I should be living for reals. At the very least, at this point in my life. It would be a great step towards my own personal growth in many aspects. I think it would bring me an increasing sense of pride and confidence being able to support myself. It would definitely make other things in my life blossom. For now though, it feels a little like I'm living someone else's life. I live in this wonderful place, I work at a studio nearby. I go to Etobicoke for band practice and have a vibrant social and church life. I'm just about beaming right now. I don't feel like I'm living someone else's life in a bad way though. It's not like I feel weird about it. I feel reassured that things I'm working towards would be good for me. Always a good feeling. I think just being in the city also gives me more of a capacity to do things, do more outreach, get more involved, those kinds of things. I work really hard not to make living in Mississauga a boundary for having life in the city and that's probably why I appreciate this so much.

This really also ties into that feeling I had a little while ago when I was able to move into the studio space. I had been praying to get all this work done and somehow get into the city to live. I had the feeling that God was responding, telling me to be patient. It was almost like a "not yet" response but at the same time a compromise. "I can't do that for you just yet but how about this?" And I think this house sitting is another piece in our conversation. It's also shown me how it is to live on your own. To be honest, I thought I'd dread it but it isn't so bad being by myself. No conflicting schedules and fighting for anything at any time. This being said, over time I might find it lonely. Either way I'm learning. It's also a lot of hard work. Keeping on top of the regular every day things is pretty interesting. Right now I'm trying to find some time to cook with my schedule going crazy. The chili has saved me this week for sure.

I held living room tonight at this wonderful space. Everyone's now gone home and really... it was fantastic. Living room is kind of like a small group or study group you get put into once you decide to become a member at the church I'm part of. It's called freechurch (formerly Freedomize). Anyhow, tonight was the first meeting. I hosted, no cooking but I did serve up some veggies and those kinds of things. It was the first time since our membership classes that we've been all together and it was pretty sweet. I feel closer to everyone already. We have many ideas on how we would love things to work and one huge thing is we have a direction we'd like to go in for our own ministry. It's like something we'd like to do to be Jesus in some way. Something we can do to help the church, help the community, make a difference, anything like that. I think our ideas could be a driving force for our living room in getting closer to one another and in expressing new energy into our church. A lot of people are excited to see what we'll do and so are we. We're young, we're driven, we're creative and together we'll make things happen. I love it. It make so much sense to do something fairly large because of how we all feel. Helping out over advent really filled my heart with a lot of joy and energy. Work and the daily chores will always be there and there will always be a large unending list of things. The things that fill your heart with joy are those you should be doing to keep you going throughout all that time.

Right, that's a lot of type already, wow. Can you tell I'm excited?

Work. um ya... how's that going?

Good. A resounding GREAT in fact! So much opportunity. I was working on a book project forever (over a year) and just finished it up. It's not all printed and delivered as of yet but it's pretty fantastic so far. I saw an unbound copy today. Very excited!

Something amazing happened just as I was closing off this project... I got a call for a brand new piece. A mini-catalogue from a new client referred to me by a place I'd like to work at. Do the skies get much more blue? Here I was heading into a little bit of the unknown and worrying about finances a little and the answer was just right there. I ask frequently if this is what I'm supposed to be doing and someone in the heavens keeps throwing breadcrumbs keeping me on this path. So lovely. It's amazing how things happen like that. The key is to keep working hard. The other thing is I keep getting great opportunities to help my church out with graphics materials. I wonder if they know how much it really means to me that I'm able to do that. It's such an important thing for me if I have things I owe them that I'm working on. On the same level and sometimes above my other clients and jobs (which is pretty understandable I think).

Relationships! Yup still single but really I'm not at all worried. Things happen in time and through the process of searching you can end up meeting great life long friends. I see ways that God is preparing some of my other friends for future relationship and I'm sure the case is very similar in my life. I have faith that when I'm ready, it'll just happen. The waiting is sometimes deadly but that's why I have so much work and music to keep me occupied for the time being. A few of my friends have said a few times that they don't want a relationship right now. I'd be lying if I said that but I really don't want to rush it at the same time.

Well, that's a lot about talking about the present. I'm sure you can tell how excited I am. I'm also at a point in my life where I'm becoming more mindful of God in my everyday life experiences. It's interesting how my thought process goes back and forth on things now. One new thing that just happened yesterday was that I bought a bible. I've had a few sitting around home but none are NIV I don't think and there is something about starting from square one and purchasing something for a purpose, really owning it. I'm excited to stop saying it and get into the bible and doing it regularly. I'm not well studied in the bible and feel weak in that area a little. It's a little daunting and I've actually asked my group to pray for me a little on it. To devote the time and effort. Like many of the things I do, sometimes the hardest part is starting. (just like this blog post and now it seems like I might never end).

Anyway, thinking back I've come a long way in a year.

One year ago I was finishing up a contract position at a small advertising firm. I didn't have aspirations to keep working there, instead I wanted to learn more under someone who'd been there, done that and done great things. I'm still in that journey. But one year ago I was definitely frustrated in where I was. It seemed like such a long process to get into a place where I could grow personally and design wise and also finish this crazy big book project and see it right through to the end. I've grown in expectation, excitement and commitment of my profession in this year. I owe a lot of it to hard work and another thing...

This brings us to the church aspect of my life. God, Jesus, praying, attending church... Where does it all fit in and does it? did it?

One year ago I had been to visit Freedomize 3 times or so. It was in the second week of advent that I returned to church for the first time (not on Christmas or Easter) for about 8 years. I had a lot of questions, I didn't know where my faith laid but I knew the experience of going to church was good for me, the sermons offered good words and thought to me and the community seemed pretty welcoming. The year has seen me take communion honestly not going through the motions. I've prayed, I've made crazy strides not to miss service even. I surprised myself in my dedication to going. Everything was definitely worth it and God has definitely worked on my heart. I feel almost like every day should be a celebration of faith. I'd love that. This amazing new and very strong constant in my life has given me crazy fuel. It's turned Sundays into one of if not my favorite night of the week coming from the day I dreaded. That's quite the leap. That's like going from #987 on the billboard chart and going all the way to #1. It's also not dependent on a person here on earth. In relationships, especially when they are going great, I have tons of energy and I'm on cloud 9. When they aren't going as well, I end up having a huge weight on my chest. So far the relationship with God has been a lot more of that cloud 9 feeling. Perhaps it's his perfection? The fact that I'm learning so much as I go is amazing to me as well. The year has also seen me become part of a church community and really get involved in making a difference and trying to "be the church". The simple idea that I not only enjoy the service but I help make the service what it is, I'm not on a consumption only relationship with it. It's a good plan for me cause most times I feel even better by hanging out and helping out than just standing by and letting it all get done. Plus making the space somewhere sacred, somewhere crafted is something I'm really interested in so I'm learning while I do that too.

I tell you, so many doors have been opened and almost around every corner I've been seeing how the Lord works. It's so cool.

Right now, I feel like I'm at a place where I'm strong in my faith but still such a newb in it all. Not quite like blind faith but perhaps close. I'm putting a lot of trust in God right now and from what I hear, that's a good thing.

K so I think I've successfully painted a blurry picture of a slightly confused but uplifted version of myself one year ago. That blurs into the time that is right now where I see many things but also understand that I have a place and a reason for why I'm doing what I'm doing and why I'm meeting those that I'm meeting. Certain friendships that I have now are so important on a bidirectional sort of way that I couldn't see my life without them. Truly remarkable.

Now for the future.

The road ahead is less definite. The band that I'm in is up and down and I wonder if and when we'll get a chance to play a show. Regardless they are super important to me living a balanced life. Work is on this teeter totter where I wonder when freelance will end and full time with the possibility of living in the city happens. Church life has so many opportunities for great outreach and success, personal growth and spiritual strength. 2010 will be prosperous if nothing more. I think I can describe the future as having more bright lights than I can properly draw in a picture. I know that my optimistic outlook on life is something I look forward to sharing with more people in this coming year.

Definite things in the near future are getting my full license, getting new glasses (I've had these frames for ever pretty much) and working hard.

I think I've had a big shift from one year ago in what I want in life. One year ago I probably had a major career driven aspirations as the ideal. It involved moving to the city, working really hard, for ridiculous hours and barely scraping by. Living in the city so I could have a party lifestyle, go to the clubs and dance and be in the city to get a little too sloppy a little too often. Now I want to be in the city in a different capacity. I'd like to be here to lead a rich and fulfilling thought provoking, discussion filled life. Not too much party, a lot of God, a lot of outreach, a lot of friends and yes a lot of work. But there's a bigger balance, more of a focus on a simple life. Less physical things but more memories and more things to create and more time spent in places where it matters (like with my nephews or my niece (another new thing from 2009)).

I think I really tried not to get refocussed on God through this blog posting but it kept happening that I was talking more and more about it. I think it's good. I think it's also because of living room tonight. I think it could potentially weird some of my friends out. I don't think that's bad either though.

Anyway, it's definitely bed time. Can't wait for that. This dude's tired. I'm going to sleep for a good 8 hours though. Life continues in the morning after some great rest.

Love to all!

Cheerios,

Better late than never

2010-01-06T21:12:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

It's been forever since I've done a good update on my blog and it's a
pretty special time. Not only Christmas, New Years, copious amounts of
family time etc. It's also yearly reflection time. It's gonna be a
good one I think. Stay tuned.

Love you all,

Birthdays

2009-11-14T18:57:00.001-08:00

Wow!

Another year has gone by and apparently I'm a year older now. Weird. It totally doesn't seem like it's been a whole year at first glance but then I think about how much has changed over that time and it all makes sense. I think back to projects, transitions, new friendships, new commitments, celebrations, contemplation and a whole lot of learning not only about things but about myself. It all quickly brings it back to timelines that make sense in this real world. The idea that things aren't instantaneous at all, that they take hard work, dedication and mostly time. And WAY more often then we'd like, they take a lot longer to accomplish than we initially think would be possible.

I guess this time, this birthday, this period of contemplation marks a pretty epic time in my life. I feel a lot nay a lot of love coming in my direction and in terms of wonderful things in the life, love is pretty crazy high on the list. Definitely a front runner! Also at this time of my life, I feel truly happy. I'm not stuck clinging to just one thing in my life as a barometer. It seems like a more complex system and it seems to err on the side of just going with it and being happy. And really why not, there's so much to be thankful and happy for, so many things going on that I never thought possible.

One very cool thing that has happened during this past year has been the connections that I've made. My favorite friendships are when I have close connections, the ones where you can talk about what's going on and just be straight up, there's trust in there and sometimes you can just let the wall down and show your cards no matter if you're bluffing or not.

Last night I celebrated my birthday. No, I'm not old though some people my age may say "I'm old, dude." I'm not sure what is keeping me so young, maybe it's that I still live at home, or maybe it's the optimism. I haven't been crushed by the truths of life in some time so that's also a factor haha. Anyway, I digress. So the celebration included Sushi which saw many more guests than I had planned for then drinks and Karaoke. The karaoke turned out to be half karaoke, half dance party which is really what I was hoping for. I loved it. Birthdays work best if as many people as possible are having a killer time. The karaoke dance party was one of the most fun experiences of that I've had. I highly suggest! Just find a great place with rooms for rent, get a bunch of friends and just hang loose. Break out those dance moves you're too shy to do in public, dance on couches, pump your fist, jump up and down and just for fun, do a Spice Girls song and a Biggie track back to back. Really the key is to get into it. The sooner that happens, the sooner it's amazing!

Thank you to every single person that came out to my birthday. You made it a pretty unforgettable experience. Really, you made the party! And thanks for all the wearable birthday decor stuff. I got a pirate hat card, a birthday hat with some sick lions and tigers with balloons attached plus a hawaiian lay (get it?)

Anyway, I think I'm going to relax a bit with some tv, and fuel up for some hardcore work tomorrow morning.

Love you all.

Peace, love and rock,

Good Good Things

2009-10-29T19:21:00.000-07:00

Wow! Good week!

It's only Thursday night and I've felt so many good moments come along. It's just great, it not only leaves me a little warmer inside but gives me even more hope for the future. It's a mix of so many things, small little changes to good friends working through things to small family issues and a sense that things are moving forward and they're being worked on. I no longer feel like I'm behind on everything, I have a sense of accomplishment every day and I'm not cutting myself off from friends and social environments. I do have to say that there are a few friends I very badly need to check in on and catch up with but I'm sure time will allow such things very soon with the weekend coming up.

Have you ever worried about something that you knew was coming? I mean worrying to the point of dreading it full out? Perhaps it hasn't been quite that extreme but one main project I'm working on is a high pressure one. It HAS to be good. Just by the mass of time that I've put into it through the past year, it MUST be a success. I'm sure it will be. In a way, I feel like it already has been. I've learned so much through day to day interaction with my client and how to keep things going well, never to promise too much too soon and to really take some time to get things right before handing them over. Anyway... My point was back to the things coming up. In the case of this project, it's finally the meal. And you know what? It looks like it's the perfect portion. It doesn't seem overwhelming, I know I can do it and how is that? One mouthful at a time. And you know what else? Each bite is pretty sweet. It might be pie or brownies.

There are some things that have been on my heart this week and at membership (at freechurch) a question was put out right at the end. The pastor asked if anyone had anything that was on their heart this week that they wanted everyone to pray for and really the thing that I had there was my grandma. It was sitting on my whole heart. It's a big thing. But yeah, in speaking to the size of the importance, I'm just about done at the studio so I think I'm going to rush home and see if I can spend a little bit of time with her. I really don't do that nearly enough. The last month of rarely being at home hasn't helped it increase any either.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is having a stellar week.

Love to all from a pretty happy place,

I love love my church

2009-10-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

K, seriously... time for some reflection time in a big big way.

Preface - I go to this (I mean I'm a part of) this wicked church community called "freechurch". Definitely worth a look see for anyone looking for something a little different or if you haven't been to church in years because it wasn't really a place for you and wonder if there's a place for some God in your life or even if you've never been to a church or know anything about God, Jesus and the like. It's an amazing place to be while you try and figure out all of that and where you are in it.

So yeah back to loving the church.

Picture this, you're part of a church that uses a projector for song lyrics so everyone can do "worship" (singing in this context) and know the words cause some songs are new, some are old and we can't always remember everything now can we? So yeah, you're part of this church and someone steals your projector... err... not so sweet eh? Sad really. Really sad. Then you get another projector for use and it blows up (almost litterally but if it's more fun to picture a projector becoming a flaming pile of plastic and glass after it's spontaneously combusted have at it). Then what do you do? Well you borrow a projector, and when that projector is killed off almost like another act of God, what then? The projector is never the focus, just an aid.

This is my church.

So yeah, my church, takes it as a sign that we should reconnect, worship a little different and just go with the idea of chaos. Chaos is cool right? Well if you're part of a church you're used to yknow... pews, isles, rows, the standard... Order? Yeah. Well this week, we changed everything.

Upon entering the church, each member from the community was faced with all the chairs in the main area of the church scattered facing different directions in no order what so ever. It was utter chaos. The balcony seating was blocked off as well indicating that we're all sticking on the ground level for this one, there was no escaping the misguided chairs.

Yup take a moment to visualize this really. It's astounding. All the chairs in the church are set up, ready for sitting but they have no order at all. When you are accustomed to walking in to a nice orderly setting this is jarring. The alter is also place to the side, and on stage is a stool and a guitar. As each person entered it was amazing to watch. Each person was hesitant, confused, worried a little bit but they each had faith in the ways of our community and entered and found a seat. How wicked cool is that? I think that did something very very special. It allowed each person to walk in and take a moment before they sat down. It created this great break, a harsh division in the day that was your Sunday like a line of chairs shouting "YOU'RE HERE!"

The mood of everyone shifted dramatically from the previous, somewhat somber week. Instead we were all genuinely excited about what was to happen next. I figured we'd just sing like we usually do but instead we were all – allow me to repeat ALL – invited up by the alter to sing in praise and celebrate. We all walked up the stairs and had one of the best worship sessions at FT since we moved into the new space. One of the things that always made me love love FT (freechurch toronto) is the idea that you could sing along with the songs and close your eyes and hear many excited, genuine voices in your ear. And this was very much in that vein. To be singing, lifting up your heart I guess, and to hear everyone in your ears so loud as this unified voice was simply amazing. I loved every moment of it. It almost seems like something that should be done once a month. Perhaps it's something that will come back for the love feast so we don't have that much setup? Either way, the feeling of the sermon and back to worship after and the whole night was something that I won't likely forget anytime soon.

I can't say that this week would have been the most inviting week to anyone walking off of the street but it was definitely necessary and served a much different purpose. This week, it was for us, for our little family. A time for us to really let it out and be together. And isn't that something we all want?

Anyway, I doubt there's anyone reading this that's new but if you are new, or if you've just been stalking me blog and live in Toronto and don't go to freechurch, please do check it out. I always thought of it as a place that people can get lots of things out of. Even if you don't consider yourself super religious, you might just be surprised. Currently, I attend the evening service which is at 5pm to 7pm on Sunday. You can find freechurch on the southside of College and Bathurst. (College and Bellevue to be exact).

Anyway, it's late, I need to finish up some work (crazy as it may sound at 1pm) but I hope you all have a wonderful, day and night. Love to all and as much peace as you can handle.

Visiting Otown

2009-10-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Long time no bloggy...

Aye... Things have been busy for sure. I've been having the feeling like I've been working two jobs. I'm doing some freelance stuff during the day and working on my longtime freelance book project at night while in the new space.

The new space is awesome. I'm highly enjoying just being there and there is definitely an air of work going on, no laundry to do, no chores, no mess that I have to clean up, just a monitor, a light, a couple books, work to be done and some company. Love it. I've been sure to spend as much time there as possible as I'm paying for the space and yeah.. it's been lovely.

I started something called membership this past week at my church. Basically it's a more formalized commitment to the community that is freechurch (freedomize). I feel like I'm already there and this is just the formal action of it all. I love freechurch and it's definitely a place and people I can associate with home. Oh right, one pretty amazing advantage of actually being a member is being put into a "living room". It's basically a gathering outside of church that happens every week. There's curriculum and other things they can cover, possibly bible study. It's a closer group and a lot of the time the groups end up being like family. That's pretty sweet.

Anyway, right now I'm visiting my sis in Otown for Thanksgiving. Time to go chill out with all the fam.

Love to all. Happy Gobble gobble!

Day of excitement

2009-09-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

Super super quick posts!

Today is a day of excitement. I'm sitting in the space that I'll be calling my work space for the unknown length of time that is the future. My eyes are sore from lack of sleep, my brain slightly dizzied from the work ahead but it could feel much better than this. Though this week I'll be working on contract outside of this sweet space during the day, I'll visit at night and then rock some serious business next week. Right here.

Stay tuned for many exciting updates and progress of this space and the work that will inevitably flow out. Standards are set on high, let's rock.

Let's rock! With a little extra umph!

2009-09-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

K so I've been due for another update on things like huge! I know! It's been harder to keep a regular blog lately because of the winds of work that keep blowing my sail. That... would be a good thing. Actually a great thing!

So I remember wanting to tell about so much about everything but I'll have to keep it brief because it's already late and I actually have somewhere to be in the morning. That's pretty shocking I think.

The many weeks that have gone by have been ones of careful contemplation, bursts of energy and an element of risk that I'd like to explain. All of these things are tremendously good though.

Before I get into the super serious life stuff, lemme chat a little about a movie. I saw that effected me pretty deeply. At least while I was viewing it. "500 days of summer" Seen it? If not you probably should. Well if you've been in a relationship that somewhere along the lines went sour and is no longer you have even more of a reason to see it. I can describe the movie or at least parts of it as a knife to my chest just because of the true tone. Just like sermons can echo certain aspects of my life, this movie had a very similar mirror effect. My life isn't quite as harsh or eventful but in terms of the emotions, pretty spot on. The stories main characters are Zooey Daschanel and that guy from 10 things I hate about you. Very natural characters and a great story. It definitely makes you think about relationship and when they work and when they don't. Such rollercoasters at times.

Well the serious part of life. I've been in this situation where I'm trying hard to wrap up a project that I'm doing as a freelance job and move on to finding full time employment and get my butt into the city. It's all in one sentence because I thought of it all as one thing for quite some time. Simple, finish, get job, move out from the burbs into the city, work hard and enjoy city living. Rock! We all know life tends not to be as easy as we see it. I now know there's quite a few steps in between and I think it's a journey I'm going to thoroughly enjoy.

I was recently asked to move into a big house with a few friends. Rent was 500 bucks a month and the location was great as was the group of friends. What an amazing opportunity I thought. Then looking into my account, the reality of it all was that I was pretty tapped and didn't have the sort of cash for first and last months rent. And the weeks continue and an opportunity arrises to move into a loft a few friends were renting as a workspace. I would only be moving the work side of my life and finally making a clear break from home and work in this world I call freelance. Again, checking funds they were low but I felt this was the right move, the situation was right for me and current situation. It would make me commit to freelance work into the new year at least and make me work harder than I ever had before. Plus there's the huge added bonus of being around super talented guys in similar fields as my own. I can learn a lot here. I expressed huge huge interest and continued thinking and wondering if this was a risk. It was, if I was unable to pay rent to the space or all those other bills that one has when they have a cell phone, a band and a car, then I'd be shooting myself in the foot.

In the midst of this I had a serious deadline for something hugely important for my church. We were changing names and rebranding and I had been brought in to help with some of the communication graphics. Loving the chance to work with all the talented people I jumped into it and though my schedule was rammed, I found 3 hardcore work days in a row. That hadn't happened for me in months, at least not on anything I was truly cared for in my heart. I had some materials to get to a client and once that was all done I would be able to work on a sandwich board and send out a proof for approval. I did run later than I would have imagined but I worked my butt off and got it done. When I heard how people liked it I was beyond happy.

During the work and the next few days after that Sunday I had a feeling that someone was right there with me. Almost like the big man had his hand on my shoulder letting me know it's going to be alright. It was a crazy feeling and really gave me the faith to jump in and commit to the studio space. The most amazing thing happened just a few days after my decision, I got calls from a bunch of different perspective clients. Now everything is all too amazing. I took out the cashola for rent today, and tomorrow I start in on a project that will go a long way to paying my bills for the next month. There's just so much to love in a situation like this. I think that I must have people praying for me and I couldn't be more thankful.

Wow, I'm not sure how well I've been writing this post but I'm almost done. I want to send a huge congrats to MR. ASSOCIATE PASTOR at freechurch (our new name!) Kevin Makins. He just became associate pastor after being an intern for a year. This is an exciting time for so many reasons, so much good around, so much to be thankful for and so much more to look forward to.

Love to all,

hand on shoulder

A quick hello to the world before zzzzzz...

2009-08-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

It's kinda late and I just got home. 2:17 to be exact and I just got home. On a ... Wednesday! I've felt super blessed through this week. It's almost like planted trees are beginning to bear fruit. Amazing. Each night of the last 3 days getting home well after midnight I think to myself how good it feels to play music and then I think about how great it feels to be playing with the guys I am. It's allowed for these crazy nights of mission into the city, bro-ing down and making some magic and coming home pretty content and fulfilled. Music has kept me going multiple times in my life. When I felt like I had nowhere to go and I was stuck I turned to music and it always did me well. If I was ever having problems getting up in the morning, it must have been on days when there was no music going on haha. I think the energy I get from it keeps me going through the late night drives etc.

Newly reinstated with high success is my morning walk/run. Yeppers, it's small, not a huge amount of exercise but it works better than coffee to turn that morning mushy grey matter into something I can use. Today was pretty fantastic, some of that fruit we were talking about. I woke up at 7, went for a walk and did a little running but not too much. I try not to exert myself on mornings when I have practice. It makes things harder to play than they should be. But I was able to get back home and be working by 8:30. The other pretty sweet thing is that I was at it straight until 1:30 without breaks or anything like that. The next thing I have to work on is prodding my brain again around lunch time so it doesn't fall asleep at 3:30 like it did today. I was fighting that 3pm wall so hard. I didn't give into a nap though. Felt really good.

The other super sweet thing about the morning is that it's pretty quiet in terms of people noise. You can hear lots of nature, trees in the wind, squirrels running about, and chirping birds. I use that all as the background for my time with the big man. It's a nice way to start the day.

Anyway, I'm putting dents in the mound of work I have and it feels amazing. Productivity continues tomorrow so I'm going to arm myself with some great zzz and crazy dreams.

Peace, love and rock,

Being a Christian is like...

2009-08-02T21:35:00.001-07:00

Dancing in your underwear on the side of a hill. Amazing!

So ft was fantastic tonight.

I've just realized this has become the ft ranting blog but anywho I'll continue.

Worship was just Andrew and a guitar. It was great to hear the singing in the place. A really wonderful weather weekend to boot. The vibe was all good things and the sermon really packed a punch. Kevin was preaching today. The first line in the blog is from his sermon but I don't know if I got it quite exactly right. I might go back and listen to the sermon to remember a few lines and how they were delivered. It was really great. It was about God creating wind, and breath that makes things sing. We create great things that are filled and celebrate great things, a little piece of heaven on earth. And he also mentioned the organ that we have in our building and if it were to play it would sound like this. And then the organ played. The organ has been silent for all of our services thus far and it was beyond amazing to hear it cued in such a manner and for it to be such an amazing surprise. I won't hide it at all. I was just about tearing up at that moment. A few tears built up but never fell to my cheek haha. Amazing. Music has that effect on me though. I really felt it go right into me at that point.

I know that I'm going to think about what I've done to make things better for someone else each day at least for the rest of the week. It makes me think about the things I've been focussing a lot of my brain power on these past few weeks. Kind of lost in it all. Time to refocus, time to prioritize and think of others. The rest of that will just happen I think.

Anyway, totally time for bed.

Peace, love and rock to all,

Sweet like honey!

2009-07-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's 1pm and I've got only a small scrap of work completed for the day. That being said I have just started. I thought I'd share my mood though before I embarked on what most definitely will be an adventure that is my Monday.

Something about the air of the day feels good and calm. It could be that I'm again alone in the suburban house that I live in. My parents are away right now and my aunt is visiting and helping take care of my Grandma. With these visits always comes a certain degree of craziness. She has a way about her that isn't bitter or worn down by the matters of past years and the day to day grind, an energy about her attentiveness to everything that is quite impressive. It's also different than my mom who bears the stresses of the every day and the past 25 years. Yes, there's something amazing about my aunt and at the same time, something that my family can sometimes find to be too much. Now that she's taken Grandma out and the energy in the house has somewhat normalized I find myself thinking about my family dynamics and how I react to certain things like my aunt and her ways. I was thinking this morning about children who have lost a parent or something like that and are forced to live with an aunt or someone great but someone that is definitely not their parent. It's such a hard thing I think. That person can be amazing but as creatures of habit, no matter how good, bad, high strung, etc our parents can be we come to love them just as they are. They could be the most imperfect people on the planet but yet we love and defend them. If I were in the situation of being raised by someone else other than my mom I think I'd have some serious rebellion problems. It's weird. I'm not that type of person yet I feel like I understand why I'd react in those ways. Change is sometimes hard eh?

Anyway, that's not the direction I was thinking to take this morning but I guess it was sitting on my heart as I ate breakfast. Now the house is quiet and the reality is that I've had an amazing day so far. I woke up admittedly late... Well technically, I woke up on time, turned off all my alarms and slept for another two hours. So yeah, woke up late and got straight outside to wake up while walking. This is something I've really come to enjoy in the past few weeks. It's given me time to wake up, get the blood flowing a little for the day, get some sunshine and pray a little. That being said my brain is such a scattered mess in the morning, the only constant is the pacing of my footsteps but I think God understands. Anyway right now I'm sitting at my computer after my breakfast and feel super blessed to be doing what I am right now, to have friends that are supportive and care so much and all of that. A guy couldn't ask for much more. Well except someone to love but all in time right? All in the right channels and all that too. This morning I took a quick peek on plenty of fish again. I had deactivated my account quite a while ago and with a look at a few profiles I knew there wasn't anything there for me. A friend of mine said something about love recently that has stuck with me the last few weeks. "Love finds you when you're poor." She quickly followed that with "I'm broke so I think I've got a good start." Amazing! It is true though and has been true in my life. Love really does find you. When you're seeking for it, it just doesn't happen. Love should be easy, at least at first.

Anyway, deep breaths, I'm running behind on a few very important jobs so I better get to it. Crank the Phoenix and chair dance my way to victory this afternoon.

Peace, love and rock,

Such a good night. I feel better.

2009-07-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

I think this is another ft post. It's just what I'm feeling for tonight.

AH! Amazing. Tonight was another ft with some loud singing and I absolutely loved it. I'm not sure what the exact reason was but I have a couple ideas. There were no drums for worship tonight. I think a friend is in town. Someone I don't know but I think his name is Reg. He plays the almighty cello. And he was playing tonight for worship. So it was Andrew on Guitar and vox, Reg, the man on cello, Joel and Brad shared bass duties and Christine took the reigns on keys which was awesome. I didn't know she played piano. Sometimes simple arrangement changes can really bring out the best in the singing at ft. I think it might have been a combination of that and a pretty moody day with the rain and all that. I think it was the first time we had service and could hear the rain and cars going by splashing the water in the street around. It added another layer to everything. Of course I closed my eyes lots during service just letting it out when I could actually hit the right notes haha.

I'm not exactly sure why but I decided I wasn't going anywhere after service tonight, it just seemed like a proper mood to be a bit productive and reflective to myself. I think there's been some underlying tension with some things this week. I have an inkling of what it is but I won't do that venting just yet. I think a few others could see it in me. I think it made me a little tired for the day. I thought about things that might have changed from a few months ago and it all seems to make sense. There's a slight bit of insecurity seeping back into my life. I guess that's normal though because I've spent so much of my life being timid and holding back. I'm aware of it all though and I'm sure it's going to fade pretty quickly this week.

Oh, I did have a pretty amazing week. I got lots of work stuff done though not quite as much as I was hoping for. I also went to take my G driving test for the first time. I didn't pass it but for the first time in my life, I've failed at something and I wasn't destroyed about it. It's not that I didn't care or anything like that but I felt a little more mature about it. I was comfortable that I took the test and did fairly well but had a few things to work on. I know I'll ace it next time no problem. Weird how things like that work. Like many things the past little bit, I feel like it was supposed to happen that way. It ties so well into things I've been reading and thinking about trying, giving things your all and it's not the end of the world if they don't work out. I'm reading a great book about takings risks actually. I kind of feel like these past couple months has been me packing my bags for the rest of my life. I'm growing so much and learning so much about myself and little things like that I can carry around for a little bit and refer back to them.

Funny enough the sermon tonight was about seeds and growth. Things tying into each other... so good. It kind of made me think of a friend of mine I know that's really searching for something solid to sink into in this life of constant flux. I think I should invite her out to ft. Perhaps I will. The thing is I have no clue what she'll think about the actual service. I guess we'll find out if I have her out.

Anyway, I think I should get back to all that work and stuff drawing jailbreaking mongooses. haha.

Peace, love and rock,

The Quickest Update!

2009-07-20T11:06:00.001-07:00

Let's rock!

It's Monday! Hooray!

The week was a rough one. Lots of work, many late nights and almost all nighters, working till 4am and waking up at 7 to go to work and do other things like bake corn bread (which was delicious). I'm so glad I made that corn bread. I had some in client office work meetings that went really well and made a little money doing that so that's always happy. I think I was biting a little bit too much off at one time this week though because I have another cold. It's a slight one and my body is battling it pretty well considering I haven't done too much to increase my sleeping to give me a fighting chance. Echinacea, effervescent vitamin c, and extra strength daytime cold medicine at my side but a pretty peppy attitude is in the forefront. I fell great. Being active is great and though I wish things were a little slower right now, the pace of coming and going and working and just dealing with it all is great for me.

The weekend was amazing. I was privileged to attend a listening party for a friends CD to figure out the order and which songs would make it on his upcoming full length for summer. All the songs were amazing and I'm still in awe of the talent of this one man band/writer. Such a diverse style too. That night I really felt at peace though I was really tired from the week. I even had crazy amounts of work to do when I got home but it was all worth it. Music and close church friends rock. I think it was my first chance to hang out and witness my friends baby in full fighting force. She's awesome!

Friday there was a house show with some church friends and it was such a hometown kinda night everyone just chilling. It's so good when we folk get together at events outside of church. So fun. And the air is still pretty great. They're all a great group of people and it gives people new to the church an opportunity to come out and be part of something new. I got to know a few people a little better too. I called it a short night, gave some good friends a ride home and headed home myself straight to bed. I did have a nap in preparation for the night and it was definitely a good call.

Saturday called for an impromptu wine and cheese party. Super good food, super good company and an amazing host made the night super success. It was hard but I tore myself away for an hour or two to go see Four Year Strong and Set Your Goals. If you've never heard set your goals, definitely pay attention and take a sampling of some of the stuff when it's released on the 21st. I have a leaked version (SHHHH) and it's amazing. That being said, I'm definitely going to buy it (ON VINYL) when it comes out. The album is easily one of my favorite this year. And I like it a lot better than the current Four Year Strong disk. They need a new full length soon! Anyway, returning back to the party, I talked to people I never had before from ft. Getting into conversation, I ended up staying till 3:30. Enoch is the host with the most for sure. Thanks so much!

Ever devoted to my good friends I was determined to make it for breakfast at 9:30 in Mississauga so I drove home and got to bed around 4:15, slept fast and woke up at 8. I was on time for breakfast!! Amazing!! I think it's easier to wake up when lots is going on cause I just go with the flow. If the flow is waking up when the alarm tells you, I go with it. haha.

Sunday was an awesome morning breakfast with good friends, hanging out with my sister for a bit of her birthday and then ft service. The sermon was remarkably short for ft. Usually they go for an hour. I was a little surprised as I'm sure a few others were but I heard later this was due to the morning service that was just starting up. Since they have less time to tear down afterwards, and it was the first week of the morning service they didn't want to run over. That's going to be tough. I hope that as they sort out the morning service, the night service will continue to be that flagship service where we do get the word like usual or something like it. But all in time. I think it's remarkable what is happening at ft and so far everything has gone so well. I wonder how well our new space would handle a fully acoustic set. I think a few of us that like singing are really hankering for another one of those. Oh.. before that happens we might want to fix some of the overheads to some of the songs. The arrangement to some of the words gets a little out of order. It's on a few of the best songs at ft too. Ah.. just kinks. We'll totally get to them in time.

The greatest thing... new faces! Although we had morning service that day, the church was still pretty full. There were new faces everywhere. Before the sermon we get to stand up and say hello to the people around us for a little bit. I find that always helps when you see new people. You're able to walk up and say hello. For anyone new it means a lot. If anything, I think we could have that portion a little bit longer in weeks coming when we have a lot of new people. I'm sure I saw a few people that didn't get any hello's. My heart goes out to them and I really do hope they come back next week.

Anyway.. quite a church related weekend but an awesome one at that.

So not the quickest update ever. Probably the most vague batch of information ever yes.

Thoughts on all of it later. For now.. Yeah I'm late. Gotta roll!

Peace, love and rock!

Saturday

A little post of energy before bed

2009-07-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know if there is anything quite like a little bloggy before bed. It's like a bed time snack for your thoughts and emotions and instead of making you feel full and sleepy, it lets your mind be at peace and empty or perhaps just a little less full, less reeling from the moments before you write the post.

Well tonight I come to the bloggy not because my mind is reeling. I wanted to write about a guest preacher we had at freedomize (church) tonight. At first I thought I'd put something simple like "Todd Cantelon... Much Love". That expresses a lot of what I mean to get out but I feel that may be too exclusive. Only people that might have been there might understand or even have a remote idea of who Todd Cantelon is. That was more like a facebook status post. Here's a little more. Todd was 1 of 2 people responsible for the "church plant" that is Freedomize Toronto. Freedomize Toronto (ft) is the church I go to and love and call home. The term church plant is basically an equivalent to a business start up but in more churchy terms. Instead of starting a business, you're starting a church. Instead of getting customers, you want to get a congregation that will return every week and be part of a community. I can imagine it would be much easier to start a business than a church simply because of what's involved and what's at stake when dealing with a church. It's peoples beliefs, problems, outlooks on life, God, Jesus, their upbringing and so much more. If Todd didn't have a grand vision of ft from the beginning I wouldn't likely be going to church right now and my life wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling as it is. I could still be having my miserable Sundays before the drudgery of the week took me away on Monday.

Anyway today was about much more than just Todd being at ft. He was guest preaching. His sermon was super passionate and gave me (and many others as I found out) insight as to how ft started off, what it was like in a time before I was there etc. Todd speaks very um... loudly at times, sometimes his delivery is even Chris Rock-esque. I found myself laughing at moments when the delivery was so close and humorous in tone. The message comes from a great place though. The sermon mainly focussed on Jesus being living water and with that water we would never be thirsty again. Todd was also clear that this did not mean provision. In fact he drew a very hard line between the stars we idolize and their millions of dollars and rockstar lifestyle and a follower of Jesus. Which do you think he would have said the happier was?

All in all I enjoyed the sermon. It's dynamic, it's message, it's impact and the fact that I'll likely be thinking about it all week long. Like I said before. Todd Cantelon... Much Love.

I think the sermon came at an interesting time in my life though. Sometimes sermons at ft can ring that little bell at the top of the tower. Yknow the one with the giant mallet you have at carnivals. It makes a slide whistle sound as it goes up and makes a "DING DING DING" if the thingy goes all the way to the top. Yeah. That happens when the sermon is so on the money. This sermon wasn't in exact time like that but I feel like it might lay some groundwork for the week ahead.

Yesterday, Saturday night, I decided I might actually stay at home, get some work done and lay low for the night. I had a number of places to go but at the last moment I figured in light of the weeks events with my parents, I might make an effort to be around and stayed home. I could get some work done and hang out with the parents and chit chat. Unfortunately, the end result was I didn't get too much work done, I did read a bunch but I also talked very little with my parents. I was around them for the whole night for the most part but they spent most of the day being tired from their day out and focussing in on that damn tv box. I really wish sometimes we didn't have a tv at home. (Sometimes... shhh). For some reason the doing nothing for the night only served to make me feel lethargic. I had great sleep the night before and yet I was pretty exhausted and did nothing from 11pm onward. I slept for another long period last night and slept past my alarms today finding it almost impossible to wake up. I think I fell back asleep 3 or 4 times before shooting out of my bed fearing it would happen another time. Then today it took me nearly forever to leave the house. I had all intentions of getting into the city really early, working on a few things I need to get done and hanging out a little before church. I ended up having time only to get to church, chat for 5 or 10 and sit down. So crazy.

I've learned something from this. Over the past few months I've got my motivational patterns almost down to a science. I know full well that Saturday night is not a productive night unless I'm sitting next to someone I'm actually working with. Past 6pm on a Saturday I should be getting ready to get out of the house for part of the night because if I don't, I will probably go crazy. Sitting at home on a Saturday night often leaves me feeling like I'm stuck somehow in where I am in my life thus the lethargy kicking in. Right.. I've learned something! I've learned I should probably stick to things I know definitely work for me and stay away from certain things I know absolutely don't. Staying home on a Saturday night to get work done if I'm not super excited about it.. that would be on the definitely not list.

I feel that I should mention that I don't have a necessity to go out, spend the night on the town, spend money, be a baller etc. I think the need for me is to be social. If I had someone to spend time with and be social with here at home, a sister, a significant other, a parent that wasn't pooped from their day that would be awesome. I think when I leave the house on a Saturday night I'm really just seeking some social time, some time to chill out, chat and perhaps do something a little random. I could just as easily spend a night in with a friend or roommate if I had one, making pasta and checking out some movies but I don't have such a luxury right now. You may wonder why I feel the need to mention ALL THAT. Well I recently thought about it myself. I was asked a question regarding to my constant going out, constant adventures in the city. A friend commented that I'm always going out and I must have lots of friends. I don't know that that's really the case. It's just that I have a need to be social, to be close with my friends, to spend time with them and all that. Having solidly booked activities like band practice twice a week, rock climbing once a week and church on Sunday makes evenings already half occupied. I have to say that it makes scheduling interesting sometimes but I do like to be active in music and physical activity and spiritual activity. It almost ensures a well rounded week.

Anyway, I think this post has become like many of mine in the past little bit, too long, too late at night. I don't have too much more to post. Oh I'll mention one more thing.

On Friday, I walked from Leslieville, stopped in to see a friend at work, and walked all the way to the Toronto Outdoor Art Expo while taking pictures. I walked around the expo for 2 hours or so then headed back to my car parked in Leslieville (on food again). It was such a great day. Mind you, the walk took about 6 hours in total. I'll miss the opportunity to do things like that when I have a fulltime job.

It's bed time. Early morning wake up and work session.

Peace, love and rock,

Cough update

2009-07-11T12:15:00.001-07:00

Oh and my cough is gone! Hooorah!

Love ya,

Welcome to Saturday! Party all let's dance!

2009-07-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Today could be a day of a simple post but I'll just get to writing and see what comes out of my fingertips haha.

So the past week has been er... good and bad. Very productive, strategically, physically, mentally and also in work. It's nice to have a productive week. I guess the whole week starts on the past Sunday. I helped out at Freedomize with drumming. Freedomize or ft is a church I've been going to from Advent. They have a band or singer & guitar etc lead the songs (worship) each week. The band had 3 drummers essentially backing it up this past week, me stage right. It was pretty fun for sure. I wish we had spent a little time tuning the kits together before hand though cause I could have sworn that my drums weren't in tune with Mike's haha. Good enough for rock and roll though. I'll be attending a drum tuning clinic at some point this month so I'll get a better grasp on it all.

I've heard from different people that play for worship at church either they find it more difficult to be in that moment when they are playing or that they feel more in the moment of worship when facing the congregation and singing their heart out. I think I felt a little more like the first way. I wasn't entirely just flowing and doing my thing. I think I'm just very much not used to it. From the band, we've been practicing copious hours to play songs that I know every tiny bit too. It's where I'm most comfortably playing and this was definitely more challenging. I liked it for sure though. I hope it happens again and we perhaps plan a little tiny bit more ahead of time. The most important thing is that a lot of people commented that they liked how it all sounded. They were also all worried that we would blog their ears off by playing way louder than the band but we worked it out. This week is going to be a slimmer form of ft as there is a pretty massive wedding going on on Saturday. From what I hear, many attendees won't be making appearances this Sunday. I totally understand that though. Weddings can make for incredibly long days and the next day is definitely worthy of being a couch potato day or sinking into a good book and not moving.

This past Sunday after ft I got to hang out with a few people I had only briefly talked to before. One person is really new to not only ft but Christianity as a whole. It's a really great experience to hear them ask questions and to hear if they are unsure of things or that they're excited etc. It's also interesting to hear about their first experiences at the church as mine weren't too long ago. We all pick up subtle differences and one big factor I'm sure is that we're in a new building. We're all working really hard to make St. Stephens feel just like home and we're getting there. It shouldn't take long for us to settle. It's only been 5 week or something like that.

The week carried on and Monday was pretty interesting. The band practice was a little lackluster as we were short one person and some drama must be going on cause we were a little "off". Prayers for quick resolution! Anyway, the rest of the week I got down to some work I have been trying to slot in for some time now. It's taking a little longer (programming in flash eep) but it's going to be super rewarding once finished. I feel like I'm investing time in a good place. Tuesday night I hung out with a few more people from ft and had an Audrey Hepburn movie night. Amazing yes I know. I figure you are in one of two camps: You love Audrey Hepburn or you are wondering why I would want to hang out with people and watch an Audrey Hepburn movie. If you're in the second grouping my defense is this: I'm a hopeless romantic and Audrey Hepburn is a bit of a bad ass but a classy one at that. I love the dynamic. It was a pretty awesome night. To cap that off, I went to go see my friends IVS play. They play FAST punk rock. It was an amazing show and the crowd loved it. So good for them. It made me more energetic for practice on Wednesday. I was playing kind of like a wind up monkey, super fast too. I've been struggling a lot with fast beats for the past month but I definitely am getting up to speed and precision now... slow as progress is, it's so good.

Thursday I finally made it back out climbing since incurring a minor sprain to my ankle a few weeks ago. The good news is that I'm back in business. I still have to be a little mindful that it's not 100% healed and thus vulnerable but it hasn't given me any problems in climbing. It felt great to be climbing again and I hope to be back up where I was with my hand strength in a few weeks. We have a little crew of people who want to get out climbing now so it's great. Hmm.. I think I should invite a few more people out. We climb in Burlington so perhaps people from Hamilton might want to make the trip out. Hint hint.

Yesterday I went to a house warming party and for once I was not driving. My good buddy Kev was DD for the night so I got a chance to enjoy some premium Japanese Asahi beer haha. Of course right? It was great. I just realized how much I'm not used to feeling drunk at all any more. It was kind of funny getting home, I vegged out, ate some food and crashed on the couch till 5. Ooops.

Hmm... I wonder if I have any deep thoughts a brewing... Climbing was a great experience this week. One of my friends said it reminded him of band practice when we were playing in a band together. There was always that guarantee that you could chat about what was going on with you if you had anything stressing you out, girl problems and epic stories etc. I feel the same. It's total bonding weather guys or girls come out.

Anyway, the current status of me is that I'm really happy. I have a lot of work to do, I wish I had woken up much early as well but I think my body was recovering from the lack of sleep from the past week. When I get into work mode, I tend to wake up at a decent time each day and get right to it. If I sleep in because of coming home last from practice, I get off track too easy.

I think I'm in a spot where I'm slowly learning the potential that I have. I am realizing just how many people are supportive of me and believe in my abilities so much more than I do. I've also realized a few people that don't have faith in those very same abilities. It was really surprising.

This week I got kind of a lecture about how I don't share much about my life with my parents. In certain ways it was funny to hear their interpretation of things. Their concerns being that they don't really know any of my friends that I talk about. The unfortunate thing is the friends they speak of all live in Toronto. Getting someone that lives in Toronto that doesn't have a car to leave the city to visit you in the suburbs is very difficult especially if they are new friends. My parents do often forget that my life almost revolves around the city of Toronto and not the burbs of Mississauga. My father made a comment actually suggesting that if they don't come to visit you they must not be real friends. I understand the logic but the fact of people today is that everyone is super busy.

Anyway, getting a little more serious, on the other side of the coin it was something tough to hear. I can't say I reacted the best way. I almost tried to resolve it right away and spew everything out at one time. What I'm doing right now, the work I'm working on, the friends that I was hanging out with that night, the locations of everyone and their linkages in regards to families, marriages etc. It would have been much to much for my dad to take in to process and probably impossible to remember. Not the best tactic I know but I didn't want to leave things half talked about before I head out for the night. It would have bothered me and my parents. The hardest thing about it is I don't feel that the communication issue is that much on my side. I think it could be attributed to the listening party. It's hard to keep pushing your stories about your days and your friends and work when constantly being cut off by other things that seem so trivial, being ignored due to something on a tv screen. If the communication has stopped I'm sure it has been something gradual and that I didn't want to have to fight to have my stories heard anymore. It's pretty painful to be mid story and see someones interest gradually slip from you to the television. Their interest slowly fades to long pauses and grunts to indicate they know they should be listening but probably aren't. The final straw is when you walk away and they don't notice, they resume their tv watching as if you didn't have a story to tell in the first place.

Grrrr.. haha.

Sorry about that. I guess it just needed to come out. The resolution is simple. I don't think I'll be fighting for attention over things, instead I'll just have to sell my life like advertising haha. Short informational stories that can be delivered concisely at some point during the day before tv watching begins. We'll see how it works out. I know the key is that I'll have to be patient and see what works and talk about it all. I can understand as a parent to one day realize you don't know much about what's going on in your childs life an be alarming. The unfortunate thing is the steps that take place to get you to that place. The steps that as a parent you might not remember. No one is perfect and being a parent is a tough job. I haven't made it easy. I was the last of 3 kids, the only boy, I've done things almost backwards from what my sisters did and I never moved away for school. Something tells me I should be given some slack for being a little different. I wasn't a problem child, I was by all intensive purposes a "good kid". It's interesting how different problems can develop depending on how you grew up and what you did when you were young. It surprises me sometimes that there is so much conflict between my father and myself. I think I should be turning to the big man for some help on this and make some actual non-smart-ass effort to genuinely improve the situation. I know I already feel better having put this out on here.

I wonder if my parents have ever read my blog? hmm.

Anyway, time to get some more work done and prepare for a fully random night.

Peace, love and rock to all,

Great FT tonight

2009-06-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

The title says it all. Today was pretty much all about ft. That's church. Yes, church.

I woke up really late today as I've been doing frequently as I try to shake this cough I have without resorting to any serious medicine or doctor visit. I'm enjoying the benefits of sleep for sure. Lots of things have changed. My drives in and out of the city are so much more enjoyable because I'm so alert and have no fear of feeling the exhaustion or nodding off. The winter was a little tough for moments like that. I'll have to admit coffee got me home many a night. That and sometimes turning the music way down and praying or talking out loud to God. Other benefits are that I can fully enjoy the sermons at church and hang on every word as I did when I first began going. Today's sermon was another one that hit right on the money with the times and what everyone is feeling. Cyril even got some applause when he was finished. I know I was feeling it. It was about urgency vs importance. This is something you hear me talk about quite a little bit. I tend to be one that deals with urgent matters quite readily but slacks a little when it comes to the important things that can wait a little while longer. I'm one of those people that puts out fires. It's something that I definitely want to change. Working on longterm important goals is going to come into play really really soon.

Anyway, I was talking about how I woke up late. It was probably 1:30pm. Terrible I know but I think I had fallen back to sleep 2 times after initially waking up. I think I had 3 completely separate dreams and all made me think. Of course I can't even remember what they were now but they did set a mood for the day. I didn't have my regular slow morning, I was able to have breakfast, enjoy it, clean the bathroom (some of it at least), have a shower and get out the door for church early. I figured I might get a little traffic because of the 2009 pride parade but there wasn't any. It allowed me time to grab a coffee before service, plant myself up on the balcony early enough and enjoy the band playing a little before service even began. After service, I went out for some food with great people and now I'm home. I did make a stop at another coffee shop on the way home for some dessert and another coffee while I worked on some priorities for the week and the next month. But essentially, the day was all about church. I still can't think of another time when Sundays have been as rich, as open and as fulfilling. It was also super nice today to be able to sing at church. Because of my cough, I've been somewhat hindered. Though I felt a little tickle in my throat today, it wasn't anything that could stop me. Very cool.

I agree this is a much different post than mine of last week. I haven't re-read it but I hope I wasn't at all harsh about the experience of bringing my friend to ft. There will likely be another time he'll come out. I can already say that the sound is sounding a million times better. As I was told by a good friend today, God will likely sort it out with him in time. I do believe this.

Anyway, it's not too late so I'm going to shut down a little bit early, watch a movie, let the week run processing in the background and get some more photos processed.

I really hope other people are enjoying their Sundays as much as I am.

Peace, love, rock and don't forget pride to all,

I'm left inspired

2009-06-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

So... the last bloggy I left on here was probably a pretty sad one. Fresh from the moment with heartache and gushing emo glory.

This is a little removed from the moments that were yesterday but I want to put it up here cause it was something totally unexpected.

So yesterday was a little bit of a rough morning, waking up wasn't my favorite thing for the day. I slept pretty late still trying to get over my cold and since my mind was processing a lot of things I'm sure I was mentally a little tired.

I awoke to a beautiful summer day. The house was open, there was very little breeze and I stayed in my room for quite a while, composed an email, posted some new photos and let the day wear on me a little. The weather wasn't helping the morning but once the afternoon hit I made my way to the main level where it was a little cooler. Emotions had flared already for the day and I was well composed. I walked through the living room (where I'm sitting right now) and saw something pretty regular. My parents replaced the bay window in the summer and we haven't yet got grown up blinds to fit into the windows. We have those newbie paper blinds right now. Super classy I tells ya. Anyway, the windows being open and the wind being constant the blinds seemed to hover about 2 feet away from the wall motionless.

Um... okay.. why is this important??? A few of you are thinking.. strange!!!

It wasn't another one of my moments where things snap into perspective but I did end up picking up a notebook I had lying around and started working on my special project again. Within a few minutes I had a couple pages all well focused and great things to do including the aesthetics that I wanted, the various components and stages involved. The feeling was a familiar one. It was just buckets of inspiration. The same inspiration and drive that makes me do lots of work or none at all in the span of a week. Something about all the events of the past few weeks had come together and inspired me. I took a moment to ask myself what I was really doing with my life, took some time to refocus and there the inspiration was.

I was expecting the whole day to drag on and be bleak but it was such an uplifting one I couldn't possibly have any hard feelings for anything. It's definitely one of those things that had to happen and was supposed to happen just as it did. Talk about clouds with silver linings. With the right perspective there was no cloud at all. There may have been some turbulence but it's just another adventure in this thing called life.

Anyway, today is a work day as I have a meeting tomorrow. I best get to it. I have a lot of catching up to do from being sick and unmotivated to do actual work. Really... I just can't wait.

Oh... a super bonus of the day is that I'm going to see Transformers tonight at midnight. AMAZING!

Peace, love and rock,

Eye opening experiences that make you smile to all,

Today seems all to suiting for another post

2009-06-21T23:51:00.000-07:00

Wow. Life is something so powerful and random. Inspiration and excitement for it all can have their price. Coincidences can lead you down some very interesting paths but perhaps they are all just linkages to teach you some very hard lessons. Let's pause on the heavy for a sec. Let it percolate a little so I can show a little tact in my delivery.

Today through an odd series of events I brought a friend out to church for the first time. I was helping out at a shoot and he needed a ride to also help and by chance, we were meeting up after church. Having not gone the past week I really wanted to make it out. The space is still very fresh and new and it's a great place to be on Sunday. I was hoping for a few things and perhaps it wasn't really all that right of me. I hoped there might be a full band and that Kevin or Cyril would be delivering a great and passionate and sometimes funny sermon. These are things that really drew me into ft when I first went this past winter. The feeling was so different from my Catholic roots and the sound of everyone singing was enough for me to come back. Today we had a guest speaker talk about finding your true calling in life and what God is willing you to do with what you've been given. It's a fabulous topic and I enjoyed it. I'm afraid it might have fallen short for my dear friend though. After a late night last night it may have been a little too close to traditional church to really strike that chord in him. I hope that he can come again sometime to see Kevin deliver one of his amazingly entertaining dead on sermons. I guess time will tell.

Regardless of my friends experience today it was absolutely great to be back at ft this week. One week is enough for me to miss it and the familiar faces and that time of the week to shut down a little. Worship was great although we had technical difficulties. I think in general the guitars need to be turned way down in the new space. It can easily drowned out all the beautiful singing. Perhaps next week we could do something unplugged but still have the overheads. Then we can actually hear what our new space can really sound like.

I guess after that I'm left with the real reason that I started this blog tonight... The same reason that I'm still up at 3am on the computer and my mind is still going and heart is still beating. The same reason I'm somewhat in a daze. Wait... perhaps that's the night time cold medicine kicking in. That's likely what it is. That and I haven't eaten since I left home almost 12 hours ago. Hmm. Wow... I should definitely eat something.

Anyway... I digress. The reason I started this blog tonight is as you've guessed a matter of the heart. Anyone who's spent any time reading this blog and my endless rants can probably tell whenever I have something lodged in my heart or am in need of any stitches or ductape repair to the beating drum in my chest. Tonight it's something quite unexpected. Quite a different experience for me for sure. Especially given my history of being a super committed relationship nice guy.

I've definitely realized the things that I miss the most from being in a relationship. This last week has taught me that for sure and driven it home in a Mack truck. The thing that I miss is the intimacy. We're talking simplicity here people. Cuddling, looking into each others eyes, brushing hair away from the face and the soft talking. I think I feel like a little bit of a wus saying that but it's just how I'm built. I definitely can't help being a softie.

If there's one thing that this has done it's made me think. What am I doing with my life? How can I improve what I'm doing to actually make some progress and get where I want to be. I know the answers to those questions and I think I've known them for a while. I've lacked the commitment and the effort. Things that I'd easily lend to a relationship but for some reason put a hold on for the future of my whole life. It's really odd how the priorities of a hopeless romantic can sway like the current or the tide.

I am.. weakened I guess. Tomorrow will be a long, slow and perhaps difficult day but one I'll appreciate at the end when I get back from band practice. The dynamic of the days that go by is something great. I often appreciate the hard days. In this case I can already feel my focus shifting. The real world is calling me and my vacation is totally over. Although I can't really believe tomorrow is Monday I'm going to have to start giving my all.

Everything happens for a reason right? There's a plan here somewhere. There's a path that I'm taking and it's leading somewhere right? All the linkages and coincidence of the past year mean things don't they? Yes they do and tomorrow I get to find out more. Can't wait.

Tired and totally out of thoughts, I'm going to go to bed speechless.

Peace, love and rock,

I should add

2009-06-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

There was a really wicked togetherness feeling with the entire shooting process. We all got to know each other a little more and some of us met for the first time. The amazing thing is that it all felt so right. Like so many other things like going to ft for the first time, it felt like it was the right path, the right inspiration and all at the right time. Things of late have maintained that same level of coincidence that I've mentioned before. I'm still amazed by it. Now it's just a matter of finding the right time for some hard work to find one of them job thingies.

Peace, love, rock and video shoots,

I haven't disappeared! I've been running!

2009-06-18T10:59:00.001-07:00

Hey all,

So this past weekend I had a wicked opportunity to help out with a friends music video shoot. He's working on some new material for his portfolio and thought I could help out as one of the main cast. Simple job really, just involving a lot of running in various parts of the city, scaling fences, looking around and staying up all night till the sun rises. All that is almost perfect for me. I love the night time and the whole thing felt a little bit like an adventure. We had it sort of like a covert operation and we the cast found out what was going on as it happened pretty much. It was a really great experience.

We had two shoots. It was meant to be one originally. The first was Thursday night. I was also asked to bring along some friends that might be able to help out as well as the main cast. I quickly figured out a few people without jobs or flexible enough schedules to make it work. I was surprised when everyone I asked came out and spent the whole night running around the city. It was such good times. We ended up having some camera problems with dreaded camera body #51 which delayed everything significantly. Aside from that problem with the body I have only good things to say about the camera. Everything was shot on a Red One. If you don't know about these cameras you must look them up. You can shoot 4k (4x full hd) at 30 frames a second. That's a lot of information! Let's just say that all the footage even when we weren't doing anything looked like gold. We wrapped the first night in this pretty creepy abandoned building. For most of the night we were all afraid to go 5 steps into the place. The sounds, the air, and the pure darkness was crazy. The sun rose and that was a wrap. A few of us went for some wicked (or not so wicked) breakfast and then went home for some major sleep.

Sunday was the second shoot. This would explain why no one saw me at ft. The call was for 6 and I thought it would be pretty rude to leave half way into a sermon. That reminds me that I can catch up online. The shoot Sunday had no camera difficulties and we had a larger crew. This means we had some spiffier lighting setups, wheelchair tracked shots and a very wicked shoot at McGregor park. Mind you the lights in the field went out about 6 minutes too early so we didn't get all of the footage we needed from there. We wrapped much earlier and seeing how some of us were still reeling from the shoot before and I was sick, we didn't stick around for breakfast. I dropped everyone home and drove to my home with the sun rising behind me. That's so cool! Sleep was good that day. I've been in recovery for most of the week. The good news is I'm probably 70% or so. I just need to stop coughing.

This Sunday should be the final shoot. The goal is to get some pickup shots to fill the story in a little bit. A new friend Ayinde that was at the first shoot but couldn't be at the second shoot on Sunday (he was in Montreal) might make an appearance. That would be pretty cool. It's really crazy how close you get to a group of people so fast. I can see how that happens on sets of big money movies too. There's a lot of work but a lot of downtime as well.

Though it isn't the best situation to be missing ft again this week I'll be back the following week and it's going to be amazing. I know I'll already be up on the balcony singing my heart out. Can't wait!

If any of you ever have a chance to help out and be in a music video, especially one that is shooting all night, I highly suggest you just go with it. When else will you get a chance to do something like it?

Much peace, love and rock to all,

Singing for all to hear

2009-06-03T09:48:00.001-07:00

So it's Wednesday, I'm working, getting down to some work I've had on
the back burner for a little big. It's beautiful weather, I'm sitting
by the window as the sunlight shines upon me. There is much clickity
clack of the keyboards in the room today not just from my own keys.
I'm sitting in a friends studio working away. They're too kind I tell
you. I've had a great week to this point, lots going on and lots of
ideas finally on the rise. Fruition to come soon. There's also a
little bit of waiting involved. And also weighting. Importance etc.

Anyway, here I go on a short rant.

This past weekend marked a big shift in the church that I call
Freedomize. Maybe shift is a terrible word to use. More like
transition. Yeah.. that sits better. We're moving to a new space as
I've mentioned before and this past Saturday I was able to spend the
last of 3 Saturdays in a row helping out at St. Stephen's in the
field. The new home of FT. It was the big move, I was late, I did help
out a little moving things, building shelves and I did a lot of
hanging out getting to know people a little more than I did already. I
decided for Saturday night that I would take it easy, get a little
work done, and not have a crazy 4am mission back to the Saug from the
city. Mission success! I ended up paying a huge sleep debt and slept
for 12 hours. This was perfect. Nice long sleep, nice lazy Sunday and
a great lead into the last worship at St. Andrews. In true FT style,
we had something special in store. Without all of our AV setup we did
it all campfire style on the steps right in front of all the pews. So
sweet! Not only that thought, there's more. We were given 4 minutes
once we were all gathered to go and find a place in the church on our
own to be with Jesus and just pray about whatever we needed to pray
about. It offered people worried about the move a chance to express
it, those that needed to lament to let it out, those that had anything
else on their minds to have a moment in that space one more time to
let it be heard. I had never really been upstairs in St. Andrews so I
headed straight up there, lay down on some chairs and looked right up
at the ceiling. I had so much to give thanks for.

Once we reconvened we sat right up front on the ground camp style and
started into worship. The singing was so loud and unified. I never
knew I knew as many words as I did. It really offered everyone a
chance to let everyone hear their voices loud and clear. Worship was
led by two guitars, Andrew and Leah. I don't know if I can really
explain how it sounded. It was almost like a full spectrum choir.
Anyone who might have walked in during worship would have probably
been awestruck to see so many youngins in full on worship just loving
it. I think it was really the perfect way to have last worship at the
space. I'm sure I'm not the only one with these feelings, I think
everyone loved it.

I think since it's a different sound than we're used to hearing it is
making us all more attentive and less hesitant about the future of the
community. Sitting on the floor, without any electronics, overheads,
we didn't even need lights if they weren't there. If we could be FT
like that, we can be FT anywhere. And this is really going to bring
about some great opportunity in our new location near Kensington Market.

I also invited another person out to FT. I think he's still processing
it and considering it. He comes from a similar background as me with
Catholic School and church so this would likely open his eyes as it
did mine. I did let him know it didn't have to be right away as we'll
be moving into a new space and we'll be working out the kinks for a
few weeks. When you've been in a place for 8 years, you can imagine
not everything will go smoothly. There's still the issue of people
that don't go to FT all that regularly. They might not have been for
months and go back to St. Andrews one Sunday expecting to see familiar
faces and instead will be greeted with locked doors. I really hope and
pray this doesn't happen to anyone though.

Well, that's about all the rant I can handle right now.

BACK TO WORK!!

Well... in a sec.

I watched a wicked movie last night thanks to another wicked FTer.
Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn. Such an amazing classy lady. And
that movie was absolutely brilliant. Black and white yet you can see
so much life in it. It was like a love crazy version of Aladdin mixed
with a little bit of Seinfeld and other things. I found it amazing. If
you're into lovestory movies it's definitely a sweet one to start
with. There's talk of making a round two to enjoy another Audrey
flick. I'm totally in. haha.

Cheerios.

Peace, love and rock,

It's a wondrous season

2009-05-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

Waking up this morning to rich blues and bright greens just outside my window, body aching from the work of the past few days. That was just moments ago but it was indeed great. The day begins albeit a little on the late side but I'm not in terrible shape quite yet.

The week has been a great one and the thoughts of Monday have mellowed somewhat. My feeling is that the best thing to do is to be a friend however you know how. The effort is important and my lack of smoothness won't be much of an issue in the long run. I think that's my gut telling me and I hope it's right.

Anyway, the week has been alright but like I mentioned before my body is now aching. It's odd, but I like when my body aches. It tells me that I've been doing some good, I've been getting exercise and all that. When my body stiffens up or I get kinks in my neck I know that I haven't been getting much exercise at all. My schedule for the next little bit seems to be like this. Monday work at home, head to practice, Tuesday work at home and then go rock climbing then Wednesday is a repeat of Monday. Thursday seems to be a recovery/meeting day. From climbing and then practice the day after, my forearms are moosh, my upper back and shoulders are loose but sore and so is my chest. It's really great to be back into climbing. I'm not a good climber but I think it's great exercise and super fun.

I was reminded yesterday of just how much work I was to be completing during this time of not having a full-time job and it's kind of scary how off track I have got. In the upcoming week I'll spend considerable time trying to catch up with a special project of mine. I think it will be very important in ramping up my skills and finding a job.

Anyway, speaking of being on time with things, I better get a move on. I should be in the city before noon and at this pace I'd never make it. I haven't even left my room yet.

Peace, love and rock,

How to be a true blue friend? Do I really know?

2009-05-18T10:59:00.001-07:00

So it's been some time that since I've put up a serious post with serious reflection that takes a serious amount of time for me to compile but I think I'm ready for one right now. Feeling needy to figure out things for myself I'll just do my thing and write what's on my mind.

I'll just dig right in. How could you be a true blue friend? Do you really know how? Do I? Is it timing? Is it presence? Is it the words that come out of your mouth? Or perhaps the words that don't? How does it all work? Is patience and kindness enough? Do you have to ask the hard questions? Do you call your friends out when it needs to be done? Are you truthful to a fault with them not hiding anything and bearing your soul? (Is this all too dramatic?)

When bad things happen do you talk about it? Do you skip over it? Do you say nothing? Do you try to help or do you try to do nothing at all in fear of making things worse?

Hmm.. that last one is a deep one. If I'm being fully honest it just brought tears to my eyes. If I empathize with friends who've lost jobs, miss foreign lands or have lost more irreplaceable things how should I be a true friend? I don't really think I'm good about talking about things until I get way deep into them. I'm hardly smooth. Awkward? That's me in spades. I guess that's why I like the ability to write things out fully in words cause my mouth has a tendency to screw it all up. At times I'm rather terrified of making things worse, not knowing entirely how to deal with things and what to say on the spot. (Think of me as Paul Rudd in I love you man) So I wonder now if I've made things worse for friends, made their days worse somehow as they're dealing with their own weights. It's a really hard thing for me to deal with I think. Wouldn't we all just love a little bit of awesome to rub off of each of us onto everyone else to make days better not worse? It's a really tough line. Maybe I should stick to the pen and paper. The terrible thing about that is that I feel it's so cold, it's type, there's no tone, no delivery with variance of speed, pitch, mumbling (in my case). There's less and more truth at the same time. Less truth in what is said at times and more truth in the sounds of the voice on the end of the line or in front of you. What would a friend prefer? Would the friend realize that you mean your best but you're entirely awkward? Would they like the written sentiment? Tact?

I think I'm still a little lost in these questions. It's definitely a little nebulous. I can deal with tough situations. I'm pretty pliable. But I think I'm just overall bad at talking about them. That's a pretty dire conclusion and I don't think it's entirely true. Something for me to pray about I think.

Perhaps all I can really offer is a hug and a sounding board. A hug is pretty flawless. It has no words. It's safe ground for me.

Anyway, I'll return to these thoughts a little later after some processing. For now, I've got to get moving and get to practice. It's been such a short day so far after sleeping in. I'm really hoping this means I'll have some juice in the battery later tonight to get some work done.

Sorry to be on the down and mellow side but I can only write how I feel at the time. I'm sure things will be different later or tomorrow.

Peace, love and rock to all.

Wow how my blogging has suffered but provision is sweet.

2009-05-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Just me again with another quick update on the regular. You could call this a by request update haha. (Thanks for reading Kev).

I just listened to a track off the brand new Green Day album being released today "21st Century Breakdown". The track was the title track and not that single they have the video for. A preview of what's to come for sure. Here's some honest thoughts from me, just some dude who's been a fan since buying Dookie on tape at Loblaws when I was in grade school. Now that I think of it, that could have been the pinnacle, one of the most important events in my early development. Crazy eh? Anyway, as the track begins to play Billie Joe sings "play us the song of the century" over static and radio fuzz. Then acoustic guitar starts in with two chords that are horribly droning. First thought at this point... Really? Really? That's what they did there?? The fan is mystified haha. It breaks into verse and it sounds a little more like the Green Day on the previous album: composed, a little slow, well thought out, multiple layered. At this point I thought, this is alright but if they have a whole album like this, it could easily be their last album. I already wasn't all that impressed by their single. Are you getting the mixed bag of feelings in my stomach?

Anyway, as the song progresses we see more song structure as on the album "American Idiot" where the songs have very different epic parts. This makes for a wide dynamic range in feeling and tempo in one song. I guess another way to put it is that if the song parts represented a family, a few would be adopted. (I don't know why the analogy is so bad but I hope you get what I mean). The end result at the end of the song is that I have full confidence in the album again. The doubts that I had at the beginning of the track have subsided. I'll tell you one more. Upon listening to the track again the beginning wasn't quite as jarring to me, it sits in the right space, right frame of mind and at the right tempo (that semi slow thing going on). The second listen was reinforcement as the song ramps up. In a word, this is going to be interesting. I guess this means that at some point between now and tomorrow I'll go pick up the album and see what the whole thing has to say. I'm not super excited but I'm relieved that it sounds good and it's new things from those boys from the bay area. All in all, all good!

Listen for yourself here. That's the track I listened to.

So where have I been?

In a word... Busy!

It's funny though, not in a way that I couldn't write but in a way that I didn't feel the need to write. There's pleanty to talk about but I'll just touch on the past week.

I've recently had a little bit of a tough time in the financial department. It's nothing terrible, it's more like a glitch. I've done work and have money owing to me but haven't been paid for it quite yet. That coupled with having to do an unplanned timing belt service on Pud the VW TDI along with a big VISA bill (birthdays etc) and now taxes to pay the GOV have made it a little interesting. The end result is I've been working on things the past few weeks. I was given the job of creating this crazy network diagram recently. This was a definite blessing. I'll go further into detail about it.

On Wednesday I was figuring I'd be heading into the city for my client meeting at 3 then I'd be able to get to practice nice and early at 5 or so. (I don't know if I mentioned it yet but my band is now practicing twice a week.) In the end, the client wanted to cap off the diagram that night for a presentation the following day. In the end, I worked until 10:15pm that night at their offices finishing things up. This meant a few things. I worked 11 hours on the project just that day. It also meant that I got to band practice so late that I didn't event practice. We went for wings haha. At the time I felt bad for not getting to practice but also had a big smile on my face knowing that the time I was spending there was just making it possible for me to carry on with the work I'm doing right now. Someone's looking out for me. We all know who that might be.

The working freelance and kind of mulling about home hasn't gone unnoticed by my father. I was told just last week that he was worried about me and that I didn't have a "real" job. Of course I learned this from an indirect source but still. Something like that never really rests well on a sons heart. I don't want my dad to worry but at the same time I'm doing just fine. It brings up that question again if I should just go looking for a job now. I think the answer is that I have to finish up some projects I'm working on first.

So I've begun something I call "Finishing School. Class of One." I have a project that I didn't complete some time ago for a friend. In my opinion it started a landslide in the way that I would work on things. I would start, lose steam and sometimes not finish them. This is something that's really hard when you're dealing with projects that take a lot of work. Now I've been given the opportunity to finish that work that I started. I love it. I never thought I'd get that chance to set things right. I'm taking it on with a new eye and really want to make it special. Something to be proud of for more reasons than it being finished. I started working on it again at the most basic level. Tracing paper and markers. In the end, this is going to make a brilliant piece. I'd also forgotten how much satisfaction I get out of marker work. I'm not good at it but I enjoy that sharpness and cleanliness of a finished piece. You can really see the line work in it.

Anyway, my scatter brain has a couple things to get done before the day progresses too late.

Oh last thing, FT is having a work day tomorrow at 9:30 and I'm pretty stoked to be going and helping out. See some of you there! Oh final final thing. FT last week was pretty amazing. Kev did the sermon and it seemed to be so well timed with so much that's going on right now. There's a lot of grieving and sadness in this semi-recessionary time and I thought it was perfect. A few other people I talked to said the same thing. It really put certain things into perspective for them. At FT we're super blessed to have someone so insightful and well spoken to put those certain elements of life into new perspectives.

I hope all are having a good week. It's a Friday of a long weekend. It's amazing time!!!

Peace, love and rock!

Reassurance is key

2009-04-27T11:34:00.000-07:00

Today I was reassured about a few doubts that I've had in my mind. Well these aren't long standing doubts really, more so from this morning, perhaps last night.

I was thinking to myself as I looked at my project list and the task I had on my plate for the next few weeks and the scheduling nightmare that existed there and the fear of being stretched too thin. I thought about all of it and how the next few weeks would play out for good or bad and then wondered if I should just start applying for jobs. Should I just use the new energy that I seem to have to find something that would allow me to move out of the house and get out there in the world and get somewhat of a regular routine of work and play going on? It's a tough question for a freelancer still living at home that is dying for life in the city. Going to sleep in the summer heat while sirens blare in the distance, there is echoing of foot steps and mischief about, cars rolling by and the constant sounds of life at different decibel ranges throughout the day. Dying for it. At the same time I still feel it necessary to return to Japan. This is even stronger now that another person in my band has a larger obsession with Japan. Having been twice already 4 years apart, he is due for another trip.

But I was writing about reassurance. Where does that fit in? Well I went off to Chapters this morning to get a little research done on some information design project that I'm about to start. It's going to be pretty intense so I thought it best to explore some good resources before hand just to get my head in the mix of things. I got in the diesel around 10:30 and left the house, stopped off at a music store beforehand to pick up some drum sticks. I tend to break a few pair each practice and was running low. I find interruptions after inspiration tend to be bad. Chances are if I had gone to the music store after Chapters, I wouldn't be writing this right now. Anyhow, an empty music store, sunshine and an amazing intro to the day made me think it was promising. Possibly not productive at all (which is what I was prepared for).

Going to Chapters, finding a parking spot in a virtually empty lot and walking in sans jacket was amazing. I wandered around the Architecture & Design as well as the Art section and picked out some gems to look at. The first thing I picked up was a book on Katsushika Hokusai. I recognized the Japanese style wood cut block printing on the cover. As it turns out, I purchased a few prints (likely reproduction block prints) of his work while in Japan. There were small block prints and larger enlarged prints of the same works. I think the smaller prints were produced from modern reproduction blocks and the larger prints were reproductions of originals. This work is phenomenal. One of the most famous is The Great Wave off Kanagawa. Check that link to see it. You can see Mt. Fuji in the background. This was one of the prints that I purchased. They were quite inexpensive and since coming back to Canada, I've given most of them away as gifts. If and when I return, I'll be sure to purchase some more. I wish I could have purchased the book but it was way off base from my original intent for being at a book store so I did the ING man thing and saved my money. Perhaps in the future I'll pick it up.

After that I was inspired by some amazing poster design, followed by full on rejuvenation in graphic terms. There's so much possibility out there and I have to remember to take each project as a new opportunity to do something I've never done before. I didn't find much in the way of information design but I'm sure I was simply meant to go and spend that time there. It was past 2 by the time I left and drove with the windows down in the sunshine on my merry way home. None of this would have been possible if I was working a 9-5 job. Instead, the day would have consisted of rushing out the door, barely eating breakfast to get to work to try and survive (likely do great work) but be locked in for the majority of that day. I know I want to get a job soon but for now, the projects I'm working on are well worth it. I can't forget that this is likely one of the happiest times in my life ever that I've just been living every day life. There's no extravagance but just a lovely way that life seems to be carrying on right now. There is turmoil nearby and a lot of great things are happening even around those things. This is the time that makes differences, this is the time that people remember, this is the time that we grow and move forward to a new day holding in our hand never to let it go.

I'm sure the day was meant to happen just like this, to remind me of how blessed the situation I'm in really is. Someone's definitely urging me along the way and as a babysitter wants nothing less than to see me succeed and get to the place where I know deep in my heart that I want to be. Place not being a physical location of course.

Anyway, the day must continue and I still have lots of work and processing to do. I've slacked a little the last few days of my photo blog due to lack of time but I shall definitely continue and get that all caught up tonight.

Peace, love and rock,

Getting out of the book store

Just Wow

2009-04-14T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I put up a post but there's good reason. I've been hard at work a book project, and doing some photo blogging. I think in a way I get bored of having the same creative outlet. I do love to write and process my thoughts out in the open like this blog but sometimes I'd rather take pretty picture, especially if there's not all that much going on in my head. I think I'll need to find a balance between the two as days roll on because I find that my brain is very visually focussed right now. It's great, it's very liberating, every moment can be a creative one. At the same time it's halted a little bit of the clarity that I've had in past months. Thinking about it all now, none of it is a bad thing. It's just part of the process and I'm super happy to have the variety. Having too little time to do all the things you want to do is way better than finishing everything you want to do and having nothing more to move on to.

Recently I commented on the volatility of the world right now. Speaking to many people, everyone is finding the same thing. Some things are related to the economy, some are related to health, some are shear coincidences. No matter which way you slice it, there's some sort of pattern effect taking place. I'm sure this pattern is usually there but it isn't usually as close together and related as it seems to be right now. It's weird. Every time I start talking about this I feel like the next thing I'm going to say will predict the future. It almost feels like I'm talking that way but that's very likely NOT going to happen.

But really, there's some odd timing going on. Things in my life are working out in such a loose way, I can't describe it. How in-deliberate actions are making things flow the way they are... I'll never quite understand it but I'll continue to be amazed by it.

In the past weeks I've also been concerned about the turbulence going on around me. There's lots of things happening to friends putting weight on their shoulders and minds. I really found it odd that there was nothing that really deeply affected me. All of that changed this weekend and I'm also a person affected by the constant change of the world. Funny how that all happens.

Almost at the same time a new life is brought into this world. My sister just gave birth to her second little one. This would make me an uncle for the third time which totally rocks. I love being Uncle J. This is however my first niece. The coolest thing is that I'm going to be ZA GOD FADA! How exciting is that??? Frightening at the same time. There was brief question about what it meant for me as a FT person. We're talking Catholic Church here. In my personal opinion I think it's perfectly fine. I hope I don't encounter any issues there though.

There's just so much going on these days as summer approaches. What does it all mean? I think all of it's positioned me in a place of constant progression, thought and creativity. In a word, I love where everything is going right now. I really don't know what I've done to deserve such blessings but I won't question why, I'll just enjoy it.

I think the life I've had in the last year has changed my idea of design. I no longer strive for the cold super clean aesthetics. I do still find them striking but I prefer putting forth things with personality, imperfections, things closer to the reality that we're all living. The flawed hero as an analogy. I feel like the last year has really allowed me to grow, learn, be social and get caught up in some great conversation. Not too bad for an introvert (wanna be extrovert).

Well, I'm not sure what else to say, time for a run, food, a movie and a great rest.

Peace, love and rock to you all,

Roll up the rim craziness.

2009-04-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

On my journeys this weekend to a from Ottawa I stopped at Timmies a few times to keep my body fueled and awake. I was using a travel mug in hopes of cutting down a little on the paper cup fiasco. Not once but twice I was given my roll up the rim cup anyway. So there was no liquid in the cup and it was service no use to be likely let me know that I should play again. The first time I made the mistake (kinda not alert) and took the cup. It bothered me when I realized what had happened and by the second encounter I was more aware and turned down my chance at winning. I'm so grateful for all I have and I really would rather use one less cup then try and win prizes that just seem impossible to win.

I wonder how many people using travel mugs take their roll up the rim cup anyway?

I also saw a gentleman sleeping in his car at a rest stop just outside of Toronto on my way back. The car was an old convertible towncar with quite a bit of rust. It looked like it was in good running condition, it also seemed to be the place of residence for this man. On his dash he had two extra large roll up the rim cups ready to be open. Perhaps he was sleeping on it dreaming what he'd do if he would win. Beside him, there were about 40 cups stacked into each other. I couldn't tell if they were winners or not. Very interesting.

I think I can see a long post coming but it might have to wait till Wednesday when I can afford a little more time. It's volatile times we gots. Up and down. Let's just say that there's many people in my prayers these days.

Peace, love and rock,

Photo Links

2009-04-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

My Momentile photos

My Flickr photos

Enjoy! I'll try to keep busy and keep updating with photo progress.

Peace, love and rock!

Ottawa, My nephew and the quickest post ever!

2009-04-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm now in Ottawa, my laptop is running out of juice, my nephew just came up to me and said that the loonie in his hand smelled good. He's 3.

I had an amazing drive out this way yesterday, plenty of personal sing along time in the car and beautiful weather. There couldn't have been a better day for the drive. Me, my iPod, 4 bags of mog coffee, the road and Pud carrying us all the way. I made it again on half a tank. Mississauga to Toronto. I don't think that's pretty good considering I ran into about half hour to 45 minutes of stop and go traffic in Ottawa on my way to Orleans. I even took a picture of the guages. So fun.

I rediscovered a band called Total Fat in the car. It's one of the CD's I picked up in my Japan Adventures and it's amazing. It's all the things pop punk was when it hit really big with some faster elements. It's written quite well to be almost the catchiest thing you've ever heard.

I feel inspired again, the funny thing is it's always other people that inspire me to start a new, get involved, just do instead of getting stuck at the what should I do stage (a common problem for me). So now as of now, I'm keeping two photo pages. One on momentile and another on flickr. I'm not sure what's taken me so long to get in flickr but I know it'll ensure I keep my eye skills up.

Anyway, I'm off to go see Monsters vs Aliens in 3d. Don't want to be late!

I'll write more reflective of my trip later on.

Cheerios, peace, love and rock!

Seriously... Let's get creative and throw down

2009-04-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, welcome back me!

I haven't taken a purpose vacation from my blog but work has put it somewhat on the backburner. I haven't had too much downtime at the home front that allows me to rant for an hour about my thoughts. The interesting thing is that I don't feel bad about it. I feel like I have more stories and moments to tell about though the biggest problem is trying to remember what they all were and when last I've left off.

One goal was definitely reached today. The crazy double-hit red book was bound this past week after printing last week and I have it in my hand right now. In a word, it looks glorious. And how red is the red? Redder than blood in Kill Bill. It's pretty amazing. So much work was put into it by other people and it really shows. I'm pretty proud to have some of my photographs featured and to have done a majority of the colour correction on the book. Quite a bit of work.

Anyway, I'll stop ranting about work. That cuts out a majority of the events in the last little bit too. I've just been working and trying to finish all the things that I have on my plate. Definitely no easy task but I've been working through it pretty steady this past week. My reward was today. I had no work at all scheduled except to take a look at the big red book. And perhaps pick up some coffee for my sister. Again, if you haven't checked out Merchants of Green Coffee, you have got to check it out. They're in such a cool little spot that you could easily spend all day at. It's a little out of the way, Queen and the DVP, but on a sunny day, it's just amazing.

Right, before all the babbling took place. My day consisted of getting back into gear. Thanks to a certain individual at the IwB I'm pretty much back into the creative mode and I'm excited to just do cool stuff. I even started a daily photo blog on Momentile. The day consisted of Sushi lunch, a portfolio review, a music store visit, and a quite random photo taking session. In our travels we had to go by this industrial area, well really I had to go to the jam space to drop off some water and pick up an adapter. We discovered what a goldmine the place was for photos. There were little signs everywhere, graffiti, cool broken and fixed windows and about 6 couches out in the open. It's been a while since I've totally derailed a day and taken pictures or got lost in creative land but this was awesome change. I even had a partner in crime too. The weather was even on our sides. Without really thinking too much about it, it's pretty clear I've just had a bright light shine on me and because of it I'm just brimming with energy and excitement about whatever the road ahead might be. I think the key is going to be keeping the momentum going and keeping on that momentile and getting a photo up every day.

I missed church this past week. So sad. Basically, Pud the TDI was sick. He had a tummy ache. haha. Well really, he needed a timing belt job. For those who don't know that's probably the most expensive regular maintenance you'll ever have to do on a VW TDI. And it was a pretty penny. So pretty I'll have to get paid before I can clear my credit card. That being said I'm completely happy about it. It's just best if it gets done before the belt goes and destroys the engine right? Plus it will allow me to head to Ottawa this weekend. So excited for spending some time with my nephew. We're going to go see a movie!!!

But right, I was talking about missed church. I was sad about that. I was looking forward to catching Andrews open university on home recording too. The reality was that I had a baptism in Sog town to go to and once the reception was done it was just about the time FT would be starting. Much too late to start heading downtown via Slowpoke Sunday public transportation. I just dug my head into some work for the night and called it at that. The end result was getting caught up on stuff. The week felt alright but I really did miss it. Like I've said before, FT and the community therein continues to be a positive piece of the puzzle that is my life. I think I should get caught up and use the infrastructure in place and download the sermon from this past week. Don't want to be left behind.

Well tomorrow I get to spend about 5 hours in a car by myself. I'm sure I'll have lots to think about and lots to write about when I get to Ottawa so stay tuned.

I totally got blown off by a girl last week. It leads me to wonder if my mellow mood is borderline boring. Ah well, I also wonder if a relationship is best for me right now. It would really just suit to keep me tied down to Toronto. We all know me by this point though. I'd rather have someone to chill out with cuddle and watch a movie than not. Really, who wouldn't?

Anyway, feel free to check my momentile photos.

www.momentile.com/cheerios

Peace, love and rock!

Smells like Japan

2009-03-22T11:02:00.001-07:00

So just a moment ago I working with those big roll out sheets of white paper they use in photo studios. There was a leak earlier this year at the school and one of the rolls fell victim. There was a slow water drip right in the center of the roll which basically caused the roll to be cut in two. I was offered it and having my car there that night, I of course took it. I finally got around to finish separating the two halves. The centre cardboard tubing was still attached. The whole time I was smelling this thing in the air that was so distinctly a Japan smell. It's a pleasant smell that followed me almost everywhere in Japan and I guess it made me happy. It's a fresh, comforting yet foreign smell. I've been in my basement a million times and I know for sure it doesn't smell like Japan. I thought to check the one thing that was new in the basement, the paper. WOW! It smells the smell of Japan. At the same time while it excited me, it saddened me. Ah soon enough, I'll return and breathe the air right from the source.

I guess in Japan, it's a mixture of wood, paper and the moisture in the air that give it that lovely smell. Well, seriously, back to some serious work. Leaving for FT in 2 hours.

Love to all,

Explosions

2009-03-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

Music and the feeling it brings.

Amazing. Clearly amazing.

On Friday night I went to a little ol' show. I got a last minute ticket from a very good friend of mine to go to Gaslight Anthem. If you haven't heard of them, definitely look them up on myspace. It's the sound of old rock and roll playing on your record player. Definite to be some summer faves. All I can say is that the show gave me a new hope for the future of music. Things are changing again, the game isn't over, music shall not be silenced and the people will speak out and in return they'll hear rock and roll melodies of lives only partly lived. The tone is honesty and the key is the community that surrounds it when it's up on stage.

The show was sold out at the Opera House and it was a true celebration of life and music. A new middle age crowd surged to the music, danced around, and sang with pumping fists like an explosion that only music could induce. It was truly an epic night, or at least it had the vibe of something that good. Whenever I go to a show that has this feeling I end up being on a high for about a week. Music has true power. And with that thought in mind, it's really interesting to see what's coming back. You know what I mean. The undeniable resurgence of circa 1990 rock. Nirvana, Gob, Blink, Green Day, Offspring, Sound Garden (the list is large and I won't go further). It's all coming back. I don't even listen to the radio all that much and I notice it there, on facebook and watching what people are listening to. Where crying out for the good old days, searching for the music of our youth when we had not a worry in the world, no debt, no rent money to make, no mouths to feed. We had our friends, family and our cherished music. (I won't deny that I wouldn't trade anything for the life that has happened from then and now but it's still kinda cool to be reaching back 10 years ago into our cd collection for our regular rotation.)

I guess maybe the next step is to be on the wave of this boom as the economy starts to show signs of health. Someone said that to me the other day. Although I'll probably always have dreams of being that rockstar somewhere deep in my mind not showing it's face upon the world, it's there. Just a little bit. Heck, who doesn't have that. I think I'll totally be excited if I'm simply playing music at the same time when it happens. Watch and see, the season of music is coming. And the summer will likely be one to remember.

The moments of wonderment that I've been having have been quick to multiply. I sometimes wondering if God is communicating and showing me things, trying to lead me in some direction. Either way I'm enjoying it. Last night I was sitting at a Chinese restaurant at 3 in the morning. A bunch of us had taken over a large table in the back and were nearly incapable of ordering the way the adhd had spread throughout all of us. Stories and ridiculousness flooded the table and it was just great. Two of the greatest dudes I know, my bandmates, where there, doing their thing. One might ask how I went from being at home at midnight after working all day on a project in Oakville would make me wind up in the middle of a crazy night. I totally didn't, I just enjoyed it. If the days and weeks gone by are any indicator of what is to come it'll be amazing. Although I really don't have that place or role for myself in life right now. I don't have a full time job or have my work sorted out in any capacity I'm feeling somewhat useful, important, helpful and needed. These things tend to be the ones that keep me up late at night slugging away at work. Without the appreciation, I might not work that much at all.

Monday is going to be a great day. We're on press with this book for the school. We're calling it the School of Design Festival. I'll be driving into the middle of nowhere in the Festival Party Vehicle with our printer and my co-worker bright and early in the morning to see the press sheets coming off the printer. It's very exciting. I'm sure I don't need to say anything about it now, cause I'll probably blog about it. Come to think of it, maybe I should take a picture of it. Might be good for something someday.

Anyway, I've got to get the day started and get dressed. Take care and have an amazing day whatever you're up to. Take a minute or two to appreciate all the complexities of life, the things that work, the things that don't, and the dynamic that things like that even exist. Sorry, maybe I'm too much in wonderment of things but I guess that's my mood on great Sunday mornings when I'm kind of sleepy. TO MORE COFFEE!

Love, peace and rock!

- almost forgot, FT is having a viewing of "One size fits all?" tonight followed by a panel discussion. I'm pretty excited.

Sleep makes me sleepy

2009-03-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not sure exactly what the deal is but I think I'm drunk with sleep. After a long haul of naps and mass urgency to complete a big portion of a project I've finally been able to catch up on my sleep. I got a nap in before dinner, then went to bed early. That was Tuesday. Wednesday, I got home and went to bed before midnight and woke up at 7. These are crazy long sleeps for me compared to the weeks before. I think my body was even in some pain from not moving for so long, either that or I was tossing and turning through the night. I'd never know. I even went one step further and took the Go Train into the city today instead of driving. That's me being responsible, not having to drive after going for drinks later on tonight. And what's the status, I was so sleepy when I arrived at Union Station. The walk into the office was like a fog. A wonderful fog where I simply couldn't pay attention to much of it other than the idea that I was inching toward work for the day. And coffee. Now that I have half an americano in me, I'm alive again. I guess when the body practically hibernates it takes a little bit more to get it going. Regardless, I forsee a fantastic day ahead. Armed with my hours and hours of sleep I'll be able to put together ideas and concepts, concentrate instead of fall asleep and really get a whack of work done.

Yesterday night I viewed a website of someone else's work. Their portfolio if you will. It impressed me to the point of inspiration. I felt somewhat saddened that my work wasn't nearly up to the level that I viewed but instead of going in a downward spiral, I'm bookmarking it and using it for some inspiration for my road ahead. I've decided I'm going to be on an all intensive design program starting Monday. I'll push myself for a whole week, eat, sleep, breath, read, touch, taste design that will teach and inspire me for one week. I think I might start mixing in a bit of photo blogging too. Perhaps I'll start a secondary cheerios blog! Starting with an actual photo of Cheerios. "The perfect balanced breakfast"

Anyway. It's work time. Let's rock!

Peace, love and rock to all,

Making time

2009-03-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

So as has been well established, work equals super busy for me right now. And for some reason today I'm thinking about making time. Like yesterday, I was faced with having to hand over final files of a 120 page book to the printer today. I was working into the night but still wanted to make practice. At 9pm I pulled the plug on the work and the one person helping me. I asked to take the responsibility of the files on and be responsible for the 9am turn over the next morning. Then I arrived an hour and a half late at practice to finally hear my drums played in a decent room. It's been about a year since I've played MY drums anywhere but my basement which doesn't sound that good. They sounded great and very big and loud. I felt so proud. After practice was all done, I wrapped up, headed home and had to face these files to finish up. I ended up catching a nap, waking up and getting everything ready before driving straight back into the city to the printer. I'm almost thinking with all the back and forth this week that I'd be much better suited staying at my sisters. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow?

Anyhow, back to the point, I was faced with a kind of tough situation and made time for something I love, Music. I really hate saying anything of the sort like "I'm too busy". I'd rather respond that I'll make time somehow.

Now that things are a little slower and I can actually follow up my 4 hour nap with a solid 7 hours of sleep I think about the weeks to come. It would be too easy to slump down and hide from the crazy pace at which things have moved the past few weeks. To get lazy. I've just started using Things on my computer. It's great. It keeps track of all your to do's in terms of projects or daily things etc. After inputting what I have on the go on I realized that I really have to keep up the pace. I think the greatest thing is that even though the list is long and has lots of tough work in it there are so many things I'm genuinely excited about. So many opportunities to do good things, good projects, good design, good concepts. If I work hard, it will pay of and these opportunities won't be missed out on. This being said, there is a line between having naps, being sleep deprived, becoming a zombie and just keeping the pace.

I had another moment today. I was on my way home from the city and desperately needed diesel. I was actually quite worried about running out of gas. Under regular traffic conditions it wouldn't phase me but there was traffic into and out of the city and the gas light had come on from the am. I was able to make it to the gas station and put a whole 50 litres into my car. I thought it was a 50 litre tank. I guess it must be 55. Lucky me! After filling up I pulled off to the side, grabbed an old fashioned plain and timmies coffee and sat in my car listening to music, watching traffic go by and enjoying the snack. I thought about how rich the week had been and how early it still was in the week. Tuesday? Really? It's been full of ups, downs, great conversation, energy, exhaustion, one energy drink, many cups of coffee, too few hours of rest, random acts of kindness, unlimited text messaging, music, work and friendship. I like weeks like this when I can look back on them. Idol time doesn't do me too well. I think in the end I have to strive for a happy medium but I don't think I'd look back on these weeks and say they were awful. I think I have already but sparing that I'm thinking of them as a time where I'm very active.

Random sidenote, I loved how in Pursuit of Happiness the main character told his story and labelled the parts of his life. My favorite was when he said "This part, this part right here is called running". I believe he's hit by a car just after, looses his shoe and still gets right to work.

Anyhow, the moment seemed to have some clarity to it. It refreshed me for the rest of the drive home and allowed for that time of appreciate of all that is complex. How I love it.

This upcoming Sunday will be great. I've been somewhat disrupted in my regular outings following church and it's kind of disappointing. This past Sunday I had plans with a friend. Our schedules are just so crazy that it seemed like the only time we both had available. Unfortunately, her work is much like my own. She got wrapped up in trying to finalize things for the day and had to cancel. that definitely makes for a little bit of a downer of a night. I topped it all off by eating at a Indian restaurant by myself for dinner. The food wasn't that good which made it more disappointing but at the same time I enjoyed the experience. It's not often that I get a chance to randomly check out a new place to eat and I don't think I ever go out to eat by myself. It definitely allowed for a little post church reflection. Unfortunately, the state of my brain I think I simply thought that I need to get some rest.

I think I'm at the point of rambling so I'll end the post somewhere here. The days continue to get nicer, it was St. Patties tonight, I'm at home and will get some rest and tomorrow will be a fantastic day.

In interesting news, it seems some people are feeling the need to play match maker for me. Will I be struck by cupid's arrow? I think it's kinda cool and something new for me, kind of awkward as well. I'm sure I'll have lots of wonderful confusion to post on here in the next few weeks so please stay tuned.

Love, peace and rock to all,

A full sequence of crazy

2009-03-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

So just so people don't think I'm lying dead in a ditch somewhere, here's another post. This past week has been nothing short of completely exhausting.

I mentioned in my last post about divine intervention in my scheduling. Let's go back one more post, one of my good buddies has decided to leave the band. It was a little bit of a sad moment for the crew but we totally respect his decision and still love him. Hopefully we'll all be partying down in the near future. It's always a tough thing when band members leave bands because it's so much like a relationship it's silly. Especially in this band. Drew said it best "I never thought that at my age I'd be making friends that mean as much to me as you guys do." It's true though, as you get older, it can be a lot more difficult to meet those keystone people in your life that amaze you every day, that you love no matter what and that are close to you in some way. When you're younger, this happens by second nature almost. School and it's day to day rigors definitely contribute to the phenomenon. But yes, with this band, there's a certain bond that's shared that I haven't had in other bands. Very cool. Maybe we're destined for something cool in the future. Time will tell. Till then, our noses are to the grindstone and we're working hard to get the music read to get out there albeit with 2 few members.

Funny story, this past week I showed up to the practice space on Monday and the drums that are usually set up in the space were gone. Problem? yeah.. Then I saw there were some pieces of a kit in the corner. NIFTY I thought. I assembled what I had and here's what it was. A bass drum with one skin. The one it did have was the one you don't usually hit. I actually has a good 6 inch hole in it that's meant to face outwards but hey, that plus a bag shoved in the drum equalled well.. not a great sound but something usable. Then there was no mounting hardware for the rack tom. End result, 3 piece kit. The awesome bass drum, a floor tom that sounded no better than a suitcase (no lie 1 hydrawlic head no bottom) and my snare (which sounded killer in comparison to the calamity I was playing. Fun practice in the end. Don't know that I'll sport the 3 piece suitcase kit anytime soon but it definitely was an experience.

Work.. this is the big news and the reason why I've been torn away from this blog unable to enter these unnecessarily posts rambling about my days and possible thoughts for the future.

Ah, so we left off with divine intervention. Basically, I had colour correction out the wazoo going on Thursday, hoping to get it done for Friday. It was a crazy mountain of work and I was lucky enough to have a completely separate meeting scheduled for Thursday. This would mean I'd miss out on much of the afternoon where I needed to work. Ouch. As I was worrying about this the meeting was pushed back meaning I could spend all day in front of the computer, correcting my hearts content with no distractions. Awesome! It's definitely what I needed especially as I was rusty and moving quite slow on it. Not too long after I got a call from my former employer. The graphic designer had a sort of family emergency and was unable to be there through the week and they needed a stand in to help get projects taken care of. I'm all up for helping people but timing wasn't ideal was it. I had a mountain of work ahead of me that I wasn't sure IF I could finish it. More work would make it challenging for sure. I wanted to say I'd help right away but I had to call them back. I sat, in a pickle, a little upset about the emergency the person was having and thought the only thing I could do was to help. They wouldn't be able to find someone that could stand in and be proficient at what to send to various clients etc. Plus, it would mean a weeks worth of pay. I consulted the person I was doing the colour correction for and had to explain my situation but I notified them that I would be helping but would try to minimize the impact on time for the correction etc. At this point I was naive thinking I could maybe rip through it on the weekend and have it done for Monday or Tuesday.

The next 8 days are a blur. I can't recall what I did each day, which day I went to bed on time etc. It was a perfect mess of exhaustion, an orchestra of sorts which most nights ended with me calling in the towel because my body couldn't stay awake any longer. It was shutting down whether I was giving permission or not. Through that week, I started to get sick early on. I decided to get some solid rest to start kicking the colds butt. This meant a while 5 hours sleep! Sounds ridiculous but it worked I righted where the cold was and dug myself out of the pit and had a bunch more energy for the days too follow. A few nights, I ended up having naps with the lights on before getting up, changing yesterday's clothes for today's clothes, packing my bag and driving into the city. Let me say it was a terrifying experience on one of the mornings. Exhaustion and early morning traffic don't mix, especially when you throw snow in. I mean it's like, hey, I'm completely exhausted, It's dark out still, I just want a good nights rest instead of the 2 hour teaser and I'm definitely not alert enough to be driving 50 minutes into the city without having my morning coffee (or two for this occasion). Let's just thrown some snow in there to keep you on your toes.

The reason the week was so crazy is the colour correction kept going on. The week turned into working at my old employer from 9am to 3pm, going to the second place or home, colour correcting and trying to focus until 3am, crashing and doing it all again. It's a vicious cycle that finally ended this past Friday when I handed the files into the printer. Fabulous!

I celebrated by hanging out this weekend with my family. It was my parents anniversary and both my sisters were in town with their hubbies and little ones. A great weekend.

As I continue to droop more during this post it's probably getting less deep. I'll part with a thought and then continue tomorrow.

FT has continued to be a light in my life and a place where I can feel that one step closer to God and other people. I don't see using any sort of excuse like being too busy for church. I think if I'm going to take time out of a crazy week church might be one of the best places. Mind you, when you're completely exhausted or recovering from being completely exhausted and have no problems falling asleep anywhere it means you'll likely be nodding your head once or twice during the sermon. It's almost painful to have that happen because the sermons are so good. I guess it's a testament as to how exhausted I have been in the last few weeks. I can't wait for this upcoming week where I'm sure I'll be so much well rested.

Today, funny how I say FT has been a light. I was sitting near the back with a friend at service today and the light was shining right through the stained glass right across the pew that we were sitting at. Later on during communion I had my eyes closed and felt the light upon me from the right side. Yes this is because of spotlight shining but that didn't make it feel anything less.

Anyhow, I doubt I can make it through another sentence. Early morning meeting at the printer tomorrow so I better call it and pass out in my bed instead of on the couch.

Rock, peace, love and sweet rest

to you all

Oh Wow!

2009-03-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

There's some crazy divine intervention going on with my scheduling this week and next week. Just too ridiculous.

Thank you!

Hmmm... 6:30 Sadness

2009-03-05T03:36:00.000-08:00

6:30 wake up. It seems that changes are a foot in band land.

Our amazing bass player has stepped down and we're about to wonder around to find another one. Things happen and if anything I think it's all for the right reasons this time. No feud, no fight, just a healthy dose of logic. It's a sad thing to mark such an epic and difficult day where I face countless hours of image correction but there's nothing I can do but hold my head high and look on to Monday to next practice.

I hope I can let this settle and be at peace with it enough to focus and get my job done today. It's quite a task.

Peace, love and rock to all,

Life is beautiful and I'm exhausted

2009-03-04T16:23:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

I can't explain the craziness that this week has been/is/will be in a context that makes any sense seeing as I'm unemployed. I've been working up a storm (freelance kinda) trying to get things done for a former employer. It's paid work so that's good for sure. I'm incredibly thankful as it means I'll be able to pay my visa bill, phone bill, band rent, put gas in my car and get that small noise Pud the TDI seems to make when I first start him up. A little worried about that one eep. (I think that's what they make VISAs for) At the same time, I'm exhausted. I'm just about to have some dinner, a nap and get back at work. Well more like I'm facing a mountain that I have to climb. I have approximately 24 hours of photo retouching to do by Friday. Scaaaary!!!

In other news! I've totally succeeded in waking up at a decent time every day this week. Today I was a little sluggish from my late night of work but I still managed to be out of my bed by 8am. I had another victory as well. I had a meeting in the city with a printer and was only 5 minutes late. It's a far cry still from being on time but definitely an improvement on the commute. And no I didn't just drive faster, I honestly left earlier. Just need to leave maybe 15 minutes earlier than that and I'm good.

There's something different about this rush. I do have my calm about me that I usually have but I definitely haven't hit the wall as hard as I often do. I think it shows a number of things. Doing this on time is really important to me and perhaps my batteries are a little more charged than they were last time I had any craziness going on. After a late night like last night, I expected the drive into the city today to be dreadful but instead I was comfortable, keen and alert which made the drive a pleasure. I'm positive this has to do with recent changes in my life, you know the list by now, the big one being FT.

This upcoming weekend we have a meeting to discuss the possibility of Freedomize moving from our home at St. Andrews to another one and expand service to a morning service and evening service. It's all so exciting as moving could be. I'm fairly new to the community and already it seems like quite a task. I'm sure everyone has their concerns of a new place not feeling the same, not feeling like home and not having the same presence we've come to enjoy each Sunday at the extravagantly beautiful place that is St. Andy's. I think some people like that we can get lost in the amount of space that's there etc. Something tells me that no matter the place FT will really make it home and feel wonderful. The Love Feast was my first indicator. It took probably all of 5 minutes to feel at home at St. Joseph's simply because of all the familiar faces and the welcoming attitudes of everyone there. Bottom line, the building doesn't make Freedomize, the people do. I think that's where the excitement comes from. No matter where we go, it can't be bad. If it's a smaller building, perhaps it will bring the community closer together like the Love Feast did. Much kudos to those involved in the searching, planning, advising, strategizing, to make this possible. A super cool bonus is that wherever we go to will likely be less rent which means that we could give more proceeds from offerings etc. to those who need it.

Anyway, I'm one tired dude about now and so I bid you all an amazing day/night.

Love, peace and especially rock!

ps - Tunes from the band within 3 weeks. Rough live recordings anyway.

Oh waking up is hard to do! Sing the 80's remix!

2009-03-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up at 7:30. Not too shabby. I know many of my friends out there have to rise way earlier than that and I definitely applaud them. I'm on the steps of recovery I feel haha. Waking up at that time today has made the morning so productive that the afternoon seems to just roll along at a steady clip. Something tells me I'll be more than exhausted for practice tonight but I'm sure it will all be worth it. The key is to do it again tomorrow morning. Repetition will be the thing that makes it easier.

So I've only mentioned the time that I woke up and not the mission that it was. Well, I had 2 alarms on my cell phone and two alarms on my alarm clock. I'm sure I've annoyed everyone in the house real good by this point but hey, I did get up and didn't turn back over and sleep till 10 like I usually might. Let's just be nice to me and call this morning a success, I'll do better in the days to come if I have one victory on my side.

Peace, love and rock!

Loving FT

2009-03-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

Freedomize rocks!

That's it, I feel like I could end the post there but there's more. For some reason I don't feel like recounting the goings on of the week which is a little odd for me, instead I'd like to think about one thing.

Having just rejoined the world of the church-going people I've been fairly openly talking about my experiences at FT for those who seem like they may be attentive to the story. We all know I talk and drag on about everything. Mostly things I'm excited about though. One thing that is new to me is the dating world in relation to the Christian. It just brings about a whole new dynamic I think. What if one person is a Christian and the other isn't? I'm new to FT but I share the passion that lives within that community so what would that mean for me? Am I suddenly updatable by an even larger population? That's a scary thought isn't it? Right now is a time where we have that outward sign of our faith by giving up something that we hold dear for lent. This whole thing brings up some large issues because I feel like I'm in a little bit of a void. I don't know that I'm far enough on my journey to look at dating another Christian. It's a delicate stage I think. It's sort of related to that idea that I'd want to be making the decisions that I'm making for the right ones and not go through the motions with anything. Then again, another Christian might be more understanding of my place and the journey itself. It's all very confusing and a little distressing on the days that I choose to be a love-sick puppy. (haha please laugh at me oh wow).

Without a doubt, this is a very interesting, make it or break it time for me and at the same time I'm blessed with amazing moments every day that I wish I could freeze and enjoy for a little bit longer than they actually are.

Anyhow, that's my little rant and insight into a little of my personal life for tonight.

Time to be a little bit of a kid and watch the rest of Wall-E dive under the covers and wake up on time. No more sleeping in. In speaking with a friend tonight, they've given up sleeping in for lent and I thought it would be the perfect thing for me to give up as well. It's going to be a hard one but tomorrow will count. Wish me luck.

Peace, love and rock to you all,

Oh Sweet Clarity

2009-02-27T07:52:00.001-08:00

So I'm not sure what it is but as I mentioned before I have moments of clarity and cloudiness in my thoughts. Lately it's been more of the latter but today I feel surprisingly clear. Strange as it's a pretty grey day outside. Regardless, it's a great feeling. I think it might have had something to do with sleep. For the past few days I've uncontrollably slept in despite all efforts to rise on time. I've had a lot of decision time. Y'know when you're sitting and trying to figure out what to do and in what order etc. and it seems to take forever. Really the better solution is just to get at it. Maybe, I can just chalk it up to us all having our days and the last few weren't mine. I feel like this week has given me time for realization of a few things, how near and dear some people are to me in my life and how neglectful I am of their presence. Terrible. It's definitely something to work on and perhaps that will be something I'll do for lent.

This week, I had two dreams that I actually remembered. You're probably thinking "oh wow, dreams, how blog worthy". For me, it's a big thing. I think I can go through complete years without remembering a single dream. A friend told me it depends how close your Rem sleep is to you waking up. And we all sleep in slightly different intervals too. Say 4 hours etc. I think I sleep in 6 hour intervals or perhaps it's 3 for a cycle? Either way, the last two nights I had dreams. The first night it was a terrible dream. There was a death in the family and I was told by someone from my family and I became an instant wreck. Not only was I distraught over their passing but I had overwhelming regret of the last years that I had that I could have spent with them. Let's just say the realizations that I had manifested in my dreams. Last night, I had another dream, not as vivid or as sad but I was rushing around like crazy. I was going snowboarding and realized that I hadn't prepped my board at all and there's some damage from last year I hadn't fixed and there was not an inch of wax on it. I was trying to do everything all at once as my ride appeared at the door. I think it's a sign that I need to get my yknow... shtuff together and start being a little more timely with things. Always being late is a terrible thing and I really hate it. Just like today, I'm running a little behind on a few items. I'll be able to dig myself out of the whole after getting home tonight though if I put in a few more solid hours on things.

The good things is that I'm working. The bad is that I wish I had more of the week to devote to my learning, thoughts and new design of the private project. Either way, I can feel that it's going pretty good already. Can't wait to sink my teeth into it. But as my dream advised, I should probably get the things ready that I know need to be ready first.

Anyway, that's about all the blog time I have for now. Shower time then some e-mails then Cafe Tour stop 2: the Dark Horse (not on the list but a fave of my friends)

Peace, love and rock!

Chills

2009-02-22T17:37:00.001-08:00

Wow it's been such a crazy 7 or 8 days. Where do I really begin. I guess let's just go back to the beginning.

Last week began with a crazy debacle of a band practice where I got lost picking up the guys, one guitaris had to help his ex get medical attention and the other was celebrating his birthday and got held up by his family. I got a really great opportunity to well.. do nothing at all and chill out with the bass player. We basically waited around at the jam space for a few hours playing games on my ipod and chatting. Ah the moments you realize you're a guitar driven band haha. The practice was going to start so late we almost nixed it all together. That probably would have started the week the worst way possible so we still all made it to practice a few hours late and had a pretty decent go at it. I played around with recording the band a little using one half decent mic and it was great. Definitely better than a laptop mic. This week I stepped it up one notch and used some of the recording gear I bought years ago and we're all super happy with the results. It will definitely help us refine stuff that we play. It's a huge help to me cause I can hear the parts of the drums and what is working and what doesn't. It's a little harder to do that when concentrating on playing.

Tuesday was likely filled with a little bit of work and then in the evening Drew was playing a talent show with one of his good buddies and Ray and I made it out for support. It was in this crazy room in a university with gold painted letters on wood walls and giant red couches. I'd never been to university before so rooms like this seemed a little crazy. Drew played really well and at the end of the show to top it all off Ray decided to sing Just Like Heaven by the cure. He used to sing it way back in the day in his old band and it was definitely an amazing sight and sound.

I had a date! No major news to report though. Sorry, I'm not that exciting. haha.

The rest of the week consisted of about 36 hours of work that was just supposed to be a few hours. Things in this business can sometimes go this way. Before you know it you get wrapped up in a larger project then the client projected and of course, it all needed to get done yesterday. Even with all the craziness I didn't feel all that stressed. I think it had something to do with ownership though. I hadn't been part of the project until this very crucial end and I didn't feel all that much responsibility for it. I think that could be a bad thing. In the end the work sessions and days were a little crazy.

We ended up finishing everything at 3am Sunday night working in a team of 6, all on laptops crowded around my boss' dinner table. A little extreme for sure. Not to mention the snow that happened that night. I ended up giving everyone a ride home cause really, how else are you really going to get home from Toronto at 3am on a Sunday night? It felt good to help everyone out and by that time of night and level of exhaustion, we were all pretty close. haha. I remember commenting on the beauty of the city at that time with the big puffs of snow falling. It's just so lively around that time isn't it. Luckily, the driving wasn't all that tricky and for the most part there was no snow west of the city. I got home and crashed large into a pile of mess on my bed. It was so good to sleep.

I did make sure of one thing on Sunday - that I got to church. It was nothing short of amazing at that point of the day. After 4 and a half solid days of work it was great to have a break and time to reflect on it a little bit. To the dismay of the team I left them at 4 to get to church promising my return at the end of the service.

I had one of the most uplifting days at church I think. You could compare it a little bit to how advent was for me. New experiences etc. for sure. Before the service, I got invited to partake in the prayer circle. This is when people go to the very front of the church behind the altar and pray before service begins. I wasn't really sure what to expect as I'd never been part of anything like this in the Catholic church. Freedomize does lots of things different than back in those days and so far, everything has been amazing. One of my favorite things was the Love Feast by far. Anyhow, we went back there and sat and waited for our pastor and youth pastor then we stood in a circle holding hands and prayed. Anyone could chime in with their prayers and everyone could just take turns. I didn't have a prayer for the circle but had a few things going through my head at the time. Prayer in silence I guess. For the non church goer, this is likely when you leave the room and feel all weird but I thought it was a great experience. I definitely felt a lot closer to all the people there, the church and to God. I don't think I'll get in on the circle every week but I definitely will again.

This was also the week that I had communion at St. Andrews for the first time while the band played etc. It was a special moment for me. Not so much just the communion but after as I returned to the pew and sat, prayed and listened to all the voices around me. I had chills and felt tingly. That's something that usually only happens when I hear music a certain way and it seems to strike a chord in me. I definitely think it was this moment that got me through the night and got me home safe in the early morning after driving everyone home. I was really bummed that I couldn't stick around with anyone from church especially after the great feeling I had but I returned straight to the task at hand.

The sermon was on the 10 commandments. And just for fun, I thought I'd list the 10 commandments of ska. This is taken from a song by the Kingpins and I suggest everyone checks them out.

Number One: You've got to dance

Number Two: You make a romance

Number Three: You get on the floor

Number Four: You dance some more

Number Five: You move your feet

Number Six: You feel the beat

Number Seven: You drink a rum

Number Eight: Wreck-a-pum-pum

(um... yeah.. didn't write the song but it is ska music)

Number Nine: You don't leave the show

Number Ten: We'll play it again

These are the 10 commandments of ska and that's the law.

I can't explain how thankful I am for everything that happened this past week and that I have a place to go to celebrate and have a community. It's getting to mean more and more to me each week. Thanks so much FT and those who've made me feel welcome.

Well. I think I'm out of words and reflection for the night. For some reason the last few days I've had a little bit less clarity than before. I'm sure those who've been reading for a little while can see that in my writing. It could be that I'm still recovering in terms of sleep. Perhaps I'll get a great sleep tonight and kick some serious butt tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I hope everyone has a sweet week and beginning of lent.

Love, peace and rock,

New beginnings and love feasts

2009-02-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day. The weather was stellar. Above freezing temperatures AND sunny. How cool is that? I think a lot of people are just about ready for winter to be over so it was a nice little treat even if there is more winter left for us.

The evening and night was really where the greatness happened. Tonight was the Valentines get together at Freedomize. A shortened service followed by our Love Feast. Basically we had a mass exodus in silence to another church where people of Freedomize were busy preparing food and the space for our celebration and feast. And wow was it a celebration and feast. The space was set up with tables, legs folded up and on the floor with candles on each table as the centre piece. So we all got to sit kiddie style cross legged on the floor. It was great. It felt pretty intimate and even a little asian inspired. The food was amazing, all prepared by the various Living Rooms and I really couldn't get enough of it. There were these salty biscuits that were really great, a great pea soup and an eggplant pattie. Freedomize really has this way of making people feel at home and I really like it.

It's really great to be seeing new faces constantly at FT. Occasionally I'll meet someone that's newer than I am. Today, for the love feast I sat next to a girl that had been to FT previously but was in a little of a struggle of getting out to church every week etc. It wasn't till I told her about my story with FT that I realized just how much I felt a part of what's going on there. It was really great. And as I often do, through talking to her I figured out a few things for myself. Many things may change and evolve over time but I hope that me going to church and having a relationship with God doesn't. We at Freedomize don't all look like the publics view of Christians but we've all managed to find this home there. It was great to talk about it.

Another exciting thing happened at the feast. Baptisms! Cyril and Kevin both did the baptisms and it was the first time I'd ever seen a baptismal tank. This is where your entire body is dipped in water. It was very cool and for each baptism our rowdy FT crew clapped and cheered the loudest we could. It was such a happy moment and we all celebrated. I noticed some people paying close attention to those who were being baptized from their living room. How great is that? Like a proud peers or parents might look upon their children. Very cool.

Tonight is also the first night I took part in communion. With all the love in the air and new beginnings I felt it was the right time. The waiting up until this point was also worth it. I felt ready to take that next step in the community. My faith will continue to grow as I continue on my journey. I know well enough now that church isn't just going through the motions anymore.

Such a great night. I wish I had more to share, more views but for some reasons they won't fit into words.

Signing off with Peace, love (especially) and rock,

These are the days of love. Make sure to love.

2009-02-15T10:39:00.001-08:00

This week has been one of the busiest in my unemployed life. It's a little crazy. The funny thing is that I don't really know what I spent all my time doing. There was work, meetings, and a bunch of photos in and around there along with the regular music addiction. Band practice twice again this week.

I feel privileged to be living the life that I am right now. Though it's busy and I'm making no money, it's something of a happy life. Mind you, I know full well this kind of living has an expiration date. I can't imagine living much longer without having a place to myself and being somewhat independent. I think it's shedding some light on how I'd like my days and weeks to play out. After working the predictable 9-5 routine I'm looking for something outside of that. Thought the 9-5 work is calming and separates work and regular life, I think it might do it so much that you end up feeling like part of a machine. Deviations are necessary to stimulate the creative mind.

This week I had to take some photos of a building looking in. Of course on the day that I had to take the first stab at the photos it was raining. I thought to myself that I better not go if the weather wasn't good, especially as I had to drive into the city to get to the building. Then I was overcome by this kind of romantic idea of being stuck in the rain taking pictures, really striving for a great shot, lost in somewhat of a creative world. I think triumph over adversity is a secret love of mine. I packed up my bag with my gear, a change of clothes and headed into the city. It was a little bit of a hairy drive because of some of the pooling on the road. There was one or two occasions where my windshield was bathed in water from cars spraying water from the flooded left hand lane and I could see nothing but blurs. I managed to get into the city safely and headed into the darkness and the rain. The photos were a little less than ideal. I didn't count on the angle that I was getting and I didn't have a ladder to rectify the issue. I'll have to go back again. Anyhow, I was distracted by the reflection in the windows of the building and turned around to see a park fully lit, bathed in fog and wetness. I took more photos across the street than of the building I was supposed to that night. I was also soaked right through so the change of clothes I brought turned out to be key.

Here's a few shots from the park etc.

Ah me standing in the rain. Romantic? I was a fan of that Boxcar Racer song where they're all playing out in the rain like seriously emo kids looking seriously distraught. I think it was called I Feel So. The feeling of longing, passion, adventure when out in the rain is just awesome. Something about it all feels so epic. That's what the great things in life are made out of. There's been lots of talk about that this week actually with various friends from different outlooks of life. The idea of what life is all about, what the great times in life are.

It's definitely a consensus that it involves those situations where you have to think to yourself if it was real, if it's really happening, if it's true and not just a dream. Pinch yourself just to make sure. Like the trip that I had to Japan. I woke up the morning after returning and everything in my room was exactly the same that it had been one month previous when I woke up on the day that I was heading to Japan. I was instantly confused and had to ask myself if I had dreamt everything. So much so that I had to turn on my computer to look at photos of the trip to reassure myself. I'm sure living life on the road as a musician would bring about similar mornings. It's a situation where there's just so many stories that it seems too good to be true. Oh to live a life that seems unreal, what would it be like?

These situations aren't always good. Sometimes they involve true despair and not just the variety that involves emo kids out in the rain trying to serenade the loves of their lives like a modern day Romeo and Juliet. Sometimes life just happens and through the pain and sadness you choose to act a certain way, you stay strong, you turn to God or turn to a loved one. I've never liked the idea that pain in life causes more pain and anger. Maybe that's another reason why I'm pretty passive. I get hurt feelings and all that but if something terrible happens I'd like to think that my first reaction wouldn't be anger. Would I be understanding enough of the world to be at peace with the outcomes? Would I maintain the words that I speak "Everything happens for a reason?" And what would happen to my faith?

I think today's rant is somewhat disjointed. I think my brain is full of lots of stuff. Let's not forget that Valentines Day was yesterday. At the same time while it has become somewhat of a commercial holiday I always like the idea of doing something. This year, despite the urging of some of my friends, I've held back the grand romantic gestures. In fact I stayed home for the greater part of Saturday. I did go to the music store. (Ah my true love haha. So kidding.) I cleaned up my basement a little bit listening to some great music. And for some reason I didn't blog. It may have to do with my lack of reading this week. Oh it's bad. I'm still only on the second issue of GEEZ that I have borrowed so I should get to that and get to the next one. Perhaps tomorrow will be a creative day. Reading and discovering during the morning and music in the evening. (Income for both -$30, sweet!)

I feel like I should have some grand message to send to everyone about love cause that's kind of like my style. Today I feel less sure that I know all that much about love but I'll definitely give it a go. These are the days of love (and is every day) so make sure to love, make sure to let the love in, make sure to take the time for yourself and make the time for another. If you love someone, show them in a way that's truly special. You never know how much time you have so maybe today, live it like it was your last. I think this just comes down to that idea that I think everyone should be able to find love and get lost in it at some point. Happy love day to all.

Peace love and rock,

Fabulousness! No lie!

2009-02-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

It's approximately 1:36 and a half pm on a lovely Monday morning! (Morning, afternoon.. yknow) The sun is shining, it's above freezing, I'm well rested, I have work to do, there's lots of things to be excited about, I have practice today and there's lots of thoughts and ideas floating around.

How glorious are days like this?

After working hard throughout the crazy week and playing hard the whole weekend, mixing a little photography work in there for good measure I usually have a day like this. If my windows were open there would probably be birds singing type of days. Great music is playing from itunes reminding me of shows where I was front and center singing along at the top of my untuned lungs with my arm around a great bro' fists pumping to the rhythm in the air.

Food even tastes better on these days. I made scrambled eggs for the first time. Don't mind my total newbieness in the cooking department. It will change! They were great. Maybe a little over done but I'll totally get it better next time. Great breakfast!

I really hope other people have days like this. I wonder really how much opportunity working people have to enjoy a morning to the fullest like this. It's truly priceless. Nothing super great happened, but things are just on the up and up. It's like a breath of fresh air after being cooped up inside. A few friends were talking this past week about implementing a 4 day work week instead of 5. I wonder if it would be better or worse? Would everyone make the same mount of money? One extra day for a weekend might totally destroy the party people. One extra day to spend in excess at the bar and another day to spend in recovery before doing it all again. But I wonder if it would allow a greater number of people to enjoy (or develop) a community. For instance, how often do we know our neighbours these days? I went to a party in a loft last week where my friend had been living for years. Yet he couldn't say he knew a single person in the building. That night they had put invitations out for each of the people on the floor and a couple actually came out and they were great. We should really try and get to know those around us I think. Even here in the burbs, I think we once knew our neighbours when everyone had young families but as families moved and new families moved in there's very little in way of neighbour gatherings. At FT, there is such a great community but really few of us live remotely near each other. There are people from Hamilton, Mississauga, Aurora, Toronto and probably many other places yet the community seems pretty tight.

I just realized something that I do. If there's an experience that I have that is truly amazing I find that I hope other people have similar experiences that show them those little portions of life that I hold so dear. It would make me happy to think that other people out there are having such uplifting days after their hard work, that some people have pleasure in being completely exhausted from doing good things. That people are constantly exploring, thinking, reading, learning with a thirst for life driving it all. That people get to experience true love and all the complexities that unfold from that. That people get to take an amazing trip to Japan, Australia, or any crazy place and don't just sit on the beach or in the hotel.

Anyway, I'm too excited to get the day started that I can't really figure out how to end this posting. I have some great ideas I need to start tracking down.

Here's a quote from a great band, "Bad days always get worse before they get better". It's often true. It's emo - don't be scared. I usually just focus on that last word "better".

I hope everyone out there reading this had a great day and if you didn't get outside and make something of it, run up and down, do jumping jax put on a thumpin tune and just dance some of the night away. We all deserve that smile that will inevitable happen.

Peace love and rock!

A tired mess of a boy

2009-02-06T21:15:00.000-08:00

IT'S FRIDAY! I made it!

As I type this I'm moments away from diving under my covers for some very sweet night sleep and some drifting contemplation before that. Truth be told, I'm exhausted and it will likely only be 20 seconds or so till I actually fall asleep. A minute tops.

This was quite a week. I've got a lot of ground to cover and I should be able to do it much faster now that I have a functional thumb. (It should barely be healed enough for drumming at practice Monday). So I kind of feel like a tired mess of myself today - make that this whole week. I think I worked myself silly. I guess that's just what happens to me when I'm faced with deadlines and get involved in the project at hand. I had some 4am bed times and some 7am wake-up times and this being Friday, I'm not sure how I managed to function all day, and on top of that drive into the city and back. Aside from the being tired and the inability to function in the morning without walking laps around my house coffee in hand, it was great. My 5 pound eye lids were great! There's something almost romantic about being a exhausted mess especially when it's from hard work.

At the end of the day the project I was working on got finished and some people might just freak when I say that the project was done as part of volunteer work. I think it's even better that way. I know the people really and truly appreciate it and a lot of the time that feeling is worth more than money. I think the site turned out pretty good despite my ancient and rusty coding and web skills.

Not everything was great this week. Sure I worked a lot but I also let a few things slide a little longer and dropped the ball. I had to cancel a client meeting and I was also late for everything. It was just a calamity. Somehow there was a calm about it all because I wasn't wasting time. I was being productive and stayed on task pretty tirelessly. Today I even got another parking ticket. I almost expected it though. I had forgot to go put money in the meter so many times in the city and this was the first time I got a ticket from it. No worries. That reminds me that I should pay that tomorrow. Some great things happened this week too. I got to see my good friends little one Tristan for the first time. She's too cute! Just like all babies when they're only 6 week old. Wow, my friends have kids!

I think I just realized a little bit about why I enjoyed the crazy week so much. It was random, had very little schedule, I felt like I let a few people down but through all of that I was able to devote some serious time and get lost in some work. I even got most of the work done at home, the place where I was unable to work for months prior. It was definitely fulfilling. Next week, we'll refine, fix some more code and make it work more amazing than it does now. Then I can actually make an update to my portfolio site. Exciting!

Weekends are so great! I don't know what I was doing so many years after graduating from school. I used work almost all the time. Each weekend that comes these days I fully appreciate the recovery time I work if I feel like it but if I don't, I'll just have to get to it Monday. I think it works well.

Speaking of weekends, last weekend was great! I went sledding Friday night in the amazing powdery snow at Christie pits with some good friends. Snow? Friends? Fun? I'm in! The conditions were so good you could virtually tumble down the hill without consequence. I felt like such a kid. The night was capped off by some random conversation and spicey hot chocolate. (Ginger is the key! Gives that kick in the back of your throat.)

Last Saturday was work on the website as the deadline was fast approaching and then the evening was my first martini party! It gave me an excuse to wear this wicked pinstriped vest I picked up. It was great! I ended up crashing and waking up Sunday around 1 in time to have a shower, a 2:30 breakfast (Thanks Gabe and Amanda for the yummy food), tea then straight to church. The party was in celebration of a newly completed reno of my friends loft. Their kitchen is killer! It has the most giant cupboards I've ever seen in dark wood, a concealed dishwasher, even a dedicated spice drawer! The crowning jewel was the tropical jolly rancher backsplash. Amazing! I even got some cuddle time with my friends kitties who visited me during the night.

FT Sunday was just what the doctor ordered! Shad was there to church with us. He did a few songs to open it all up and a few songs in the power got cut to the soundboard for some reason. He totally stepped up and did a song a cappella and totally floored me. Respect! There were lots of people at church and everyone seemed in pretty high spirits. I was informed a bit before service actually started that the sermon would include the "God probably doesn't exist" ad campaign that I posted last week. Very cool. I liked that even though the campaign was referenced, the aspects that were spoken about were completely different. I think it's really cool if people are reading the blog and if they find any of it interesting or relevant. Blogs have been in discussion a little bit of late. They're put out there into the public realm but there's this kind of limbo where you put your posts. You never really see people reading it and it's just enough of a disconnect where you're comfortable totally writing your thoughts open, free, and just as you would want them. I know for me, I'm just more comfortable expressing myself within the control of written words. I'm not all that fast with my words on my feet so the little extra time gives me a sense of composure and clarity. For those reading, enjoy! I appreciate the readership. It kinda reinforces that idea that my ideas and thoughts matter. I'm sure we can all relate to feeling the opposite at some point.

Sunday night was capped off by an amazing gathering for food. I think there were over 30 of us taking over a good section of the restaurant. We just stuck a whole bunch of tables together. I wish I had a picture of that.

Final update before bed: Practice is going swimmingly! The band had a good session Monday and it was very productive. Now to find that singer!

I found a new appreciation for a band I've had in my collection for some time now. Nineteen Ninety-Seven. They're a fun band on Victory Records that you should check out. Originally I found them a little on the boring site but this week I found myself using them as my soundtrack for the web work. They're catchy vocals, glockenspiels, and fun stuff all around. Funny how a change in soundtrack can change things. If I was listening to stuff I usually listen to I know I wouldn't have been able to stay awake.

My tired mind has no more thoughts... empty. Time to fill it up with dreams!

Peace, love and rock!

Too many things for me to type with bum thumb

2009-02-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

I can't quite resist the urge to blog right now. Even as I'm facing a pretty deadly deadline for a website. Well it's for friends and it's more so that I really don't want to let them down.

Sadly all my thoughts from the past few days will have to wait just a little while longer. Monday night practice went fantastic but I managed to give my thumb a good slice right on the tip by grabbing one of my cymbals wrong. It's sad how such a minor injury can bring me to my knees in productivity. It's single handedly reduced my wpm by about 60%. Not good. I can tell you it's definitely making coding a little tricky.

A look at the weekend past:

Sledding

A Martini Party

Shad at Freedomize

Monday night Practice.

Peace love and rock,

So Let's Start the Dialogue

2009-01-29T06:41:00.000-08:00

So how do you feel about a heated debate on a lovely Thursday like today?

Get ready for it. I just overheard the news that the TTC has given media approval for a few interesting ads to run. See the ads below and you'll understand the idea of a heated debate.

The ads are for the Toronto-based Freethought Association of Canada. They'll be on busses and in subway cars. I'm not sure I really know where to begin. I think it's something that definitely sparks interest from the get go. It's attention grabbing and it's quite in your face like a lot of advertising is these days. Strategy plays a large part in ads and a lot of times ads say one thing only to get a rise out of you so you might actually get into the real meat wherever the ad tells you to look for. It's just like those ads mocking big number mega universities with slogans like "you're just a number at colossal U" and when you look deeper at the site it's for a college that represents anything but. Media definitely works in strange ways. So that aside, where do I file this most recent run of ads given my somewhat renewal to church and committed visitations to Freedomize on Sundays? We'll come to that.

The first thing I think about is how others will react to the ads. I wonder how my peers at Freedomize will take them. It's quite a blatant message to say that God probably doesn't exist. Send this message out to a group of people devoted to living their life in the way of Christ and it might not go over so well. How it's ingested really will depend on the level of understanding each person takes from the ad. I think some will look at the ad and be disturbed by it's disruptive message. Speaking to one or two people from Freedomize I asked the question if it was at all difficult to be a Christian in this day and age. Though I could tell the answer wasn't exactly what they'd like to say, they did confirm that it wasn't the easiest thing. I do concur. Even coming from a religious upbringing myself I feel the overall societies impression of Christians is quite misinterpreted. By saying I feel it meaning I was a little hesitant at first about meeting present day practitioners of the Christian faith. The ordinary non-religious person at that might file a Christian straight in the Jesus Freaks pile of society, the type that stand on corners and shout about eternal damnation, fire and brimstone. Isn't that what movies do? Is it so hard to see why it's all like this. I was definitely refreshed to be introduced to the community of Freedomize and meet people there that this way off stereotype did not apply to one bit. Faith isn't forced on anyone and you do have to have your own journey through it all. It's a good way to look at it for sure.

Coming back to my point from the beginning of that paragraph. It's almost like kicking someone when they're down. Religion isn't really high in popularity these days as much of the Catholic church has fallen away like I did and our cynical world doesn't help a bit either. These ads stick it to someone who might already feel like it's not the easiest to be a Christian in this day and age. Of course, a Christian isn't that way because it's easy. Whatever may happen, the whole idea is that you would endure through it all. This is where the emotions may get mixed in with it all. It should be interesting.

So for those who don't know what the Freethought Association is, it's a non profit organization that promotes worldviews of the secular nature. http://freethoughtassociation.ca/n2ew/

It is related to the Secular Alliance. http://secularalliance.ca

Secular

Apple Dictionary describes this as

"denoting attitudes, activities, or things that have no religious or spiritual basis"

Being new to going to church again and having a large portion of my growth as a person without that constant thought of God in my life I can't entirely be against the secular world. It wouldn't make any sense. I am who I am today after living a quite secular life these past 8 years. In this time I've been a good human I think. I've learned about sustainability, love and loss, work, passion, responsibility and many other life values just by trying to be me and a decent, happy and optimistic person. I have also reinforced many Christian values that I had learned in grade-school (catholic) by living them not with God in mind. That being said I'm sure the values were initially learned via religion. So how do I feel about the ads? I think though the message is really going to get under the skin of older generations, perhaps fundamentalists etc. that aren't used to this type of media and might see it as antireligious, it will spark good things. Some bad also. It might actually get youth to talk more about their beliefs not only within the circles of those that believe the same thing. It might the religious and non-religious talking to one another. It might get alternate religions talking about their beliefs. In my mind, the more we know about other religions throughout the world the better we are equipped to believe what we believe. No one should believe something out of default. I did for years and wasn't happy at all. It's just like the way we live. We live typical North American lifestyles but the better we're educated about other cultures the more we'll appreciate what we have here. Just like we're different from the Japanese in culture and the vast amount of space we have for everything. It's an eye opener. Simple dialogue can be amazing. Think about me, if I wasn't open to talking about religion in the first place I would have never ever found myself at Freedomize.

So really at the outset, though the ad campaign comes from a secular organization, it could start cross pollination and could actually spark people who haven't been to church or just haven't been in a while to go and experience something a little newer. Pretty crazy eh?

I know that I've written this already but simply by going to church again and it being a new thing in my life, it has sparked a lot of conversations with my siblings (whom I've never talked to about religion) and friends who are completely non religious to people who hated church when they were in school and all of that.

I think the fact that I've written so much on this already shows just how effective the ads are and the type of advertising is. Again, it's strategy. I'm sure this is only the first I'll hear of this.

The most noteworthy site is the following. It's a site and blog about the ad campaign that started in the UK, has worked it's way through the US and is now coming to Toronto.

http://atheistbus.ca

On that site it explains the purpose of the campaign. Though it comes from a secular association it speaks truth about the importance of open dialogue and doesn't outwardly say the ideal outcome is to have people non-religious. Perhaps that's just so they're covering their backs but I really thing this will start some interesting debate. The media coverage it's already got will definitely help. Watch out around that water heater this and next week. Could be interesting.

Wow, that was a long one. Thanks so much for your attention.

Peace, love and rock!

Soothing Music

2009-01-28T22:47:00.001-08:00

Sometimes all it takes to make a great night is a little music. That's all it took tonight. I just got a bit of our practice recorded from today in an e-mail and it made me smile ear to ear. Until then the night seemed somewhat unresolved, like I couldn't go to bed yet. Anyway, we're definitely on the right track and it's sounding great. I'm looking forward to playing that first show and letting other people take a listen to all the hard work.

Ah.. now definitely time for bed.

Brilliance, patience, inspiration, motivation

2009-01-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

So I'm just having one of those nights. And we all have them. There's lots going right and lots that in the grey area. For some reason the vibe of the night is all wrong. I'd probably be most content eating a whole bunch of junk food and watching a movie I've watched about a million times before. I think it's just that feeling I get when I feel like I'm missing a puzzle piece in my life. Anyway, I won't harp on that like my hopeless romantic soul wants to. I just deleted a whole shpeal of stuff you really don't want to hear about.

Today my adventure was simple, get downtown for practice. In typical fashion, I left a little late and if you didn't catch the radio telling of all schools across many regions being closed, the weather was dodgy. That heavy wet snow make everything outside pretty slick. I managed to navigate my little car safely there and back. In terms of the band, I'll keep it under wraps still but things are going well, we worked out a bunch of a new song today. Still we don't have a single completed song nor do we have a complete line up. Soon enough.

Anyway, I'll sign off really early as one pooped puppy.

Rock, love and peace,

Sore and tired eyes

2009-01-26T08:20:00.001-08:00

This week has been a great week. I'm super excited, I'm happy, I've met lots of new faces and things are all on the up and up. I'm also so deadly tired. My non rigorous work pattern has let my sleeping patterns slip pretty low on the priorities list. Now it's 11:21 and I'm ready for a nap. The truth of the matter is I'm doing to have a shower, get ready, have lunch then head into the city for cafe session 1 of 15. My friend and I are going to the top new cafe's in the city and making sure they live up to their ranking. It's gonna be fun. Today, Hanks - number 13! Lucky 13 for me cause I was born on the 13th. Rock!

Maybe once I get moving it'll be better then again, I could always do the awesome napping at the jam space. I love that idea actually!

Anyway, I'm just about to be supremely late!

Last note, Freedomize last night was great. I made it barely on time (and things were a few minutes behind which helped huge!) and the word was awesome. Kevin did his thing as only he can and then there was some integration of drama/theatre staged as an outburst and feud within the church. Very effective. For the kingdom this year, I'm truly thinkful.

Peace, love and rock,

Yknow what really grinds my gears!

2009-01-24T08:36:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's something that I took from Japan but I really believe in cleaning up after yourself. I was in a Second Cup in Streetsville yesterday and a family had taken over a good little portion of the place. Probably 10 people or so. When they decided they were leaving not even one of them put their paper cups in the garbage, no one took their plates or ceramic mugs back, everything was left littered on the table.

What's with that?

You may think this is getting a little too expectant of consumers. I know some people might reason that it's the job of the people working at the coffee shop to clean that stuff up. Sure. I know they're the people that end up having to deal with it when the stuff is left but I wouldn't say you should specifically leave all your garbage on the table to give them something to do. I think this little problem runs deeper than we think. How many problems in this world do you think we could solve if we all just did our little part? If we all spent the 5 seconds to do something for someone else it wouldn't be a larger job to complete when it all collects. It's just like cleaning your room. Wait for it to get crazy and it takes FOREVER to clean.

I'm no saint with doing my little part. I should help out more at home and things like that. We've all got the things we've got to work on, I hope that at some point we'll be able to clean up after ourselves when we're outside of our homes. In-convenience, laziness, ignorance.

Another fun thing I'll blow out of proportion while I'm at it. I'm sitting at a Timmies last night and a car pulls up in front. The car door opens and the person drops a few big McDonalds bags out of the car, closes the door and drives off. WHAT??? We're becoming a society where people that have all the abilities don't use them to do the simplest things. People who can hear, see, speak, walk and all that won't take literally 5 seconds to unbuckle a seatbelt, open the car door and put something in the garbage.

Maybe it's not their fault? Maybe it was someone elses garbage? Maybe they were in a rush? Maybe ..... uh yeah. There's no excuse! We all know littering is just stupid. It shows disrespect for the people around you and the environment. It's like people don't take any pride in the upper middle class society in which they leave. Such a disappointment. If it wasn't past 1 in the morning and I didn't think it was dangerous I probably would have approached the car about it.

GRRRR, gears grinding...

Everyone enjoy the crazy sunny day with the crisp blue sky. Don't let my rant get ya down.

Bed time boundaries

2009-01-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

K, so it's been one week of non-fulltime jobness. (wicked sentence there... see that...)

Anyway, this whole week I probably didn't get to bed before 2 or 3 in the morning. I'm sure it has something to do with not really having serious consequences if I wake up late. That being said the week took a toll. I was pretty much dead to the world Friday morning till 10am. I've done much worse but this is a work day and I've got months of this ahead. Being on the right foot every step I take is really going to be paramount.

So yeah, what's the problem. I think I simply don't have the thirst for sleep that I had when I was working. There's so much great and productive things I can do right now, most of it interesting and enjoyable at the very root. It almost feels like taking the time to sleep is taking time away from it or cutting off thoughts half way though. It's a weird thought. I'm going to have to tame it somehow or I'll become a zombie really quick. There's something kind of special about getting to that point of exhaustion where you hit the wall a couple nights in a row.

Good things! I've been the most active in terms of exercise this past week than anytime the past 6 months. It's good. I haven't done any serious work outs but a little bit of running and stuff every day is great. Staying at home I'm finding it really great to get the circulation going part way through the day.

So tonight, after my rant about sleep and stuff, I know it'll be a late one. Hmm. Maybe I should aim for some time before 4am. It just seems to be how birthdays roll these days.

Rock!

How do I get back there?

2009-01-19T10:47:00.000-08:00

So today is the first day of (kinda) unemployment. I'm still at home in my pj's reviewing concepts for a project I'm working on. I'm looking back at shear gold when I originally conceived of this project. There is so much depth and responsiveness in terms of the rhythm of my life. Here's a question. How do I get back there and make more? haha.

That's all for today. Time for a little exercise to get the circulation going, lunch then back at it for part 2 of the day.

I'm really enjoying this and though I haven't been as productive as originally intended. I know that will come with the freedom of having less other work than this in a few weeks.

Safe havens, new experience, and getting lost. (literally)

2009-01-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

Okay! So weird, i was just about to write about one thing and I wrote a title that would preclude me talking about something entirely different in the round about way I usually do eventually leading up to the day that was today. Have a moment to spare? Here I go.

I just started thinking about places that people go to feel save, protected, welcomed and how fragile these things are. Think of a blog. When I started writing post Japan, I think I was writing with the idea that no one would ever be reading it. That I didn't have an audience to speak of and that what I had to think about and say wasn't all that interesting. Then after a comment or two pop up or people tell me outright that my blog is being read it feels a little different. Suddenly what was almost this safe place I went to bounce thoughts had another side that could interpret my ramblings and try to follow the somewhat lost train of thoughts within. I wouldn't say that I really felt all that different, I didn't feel awkward about it but it was a strange realization. K before I lose my thoughts let's think about community or friends as our safe place. How many of us have friends that we totally confide in and can tell everything? How great does it feel to be close to someone. Even if it's a stranger, when you feel a connection and open up it's a great feeling. Either you're feeling safe or you're vulnerable. Sometimes it's both. Can you imagine a life that you didn't have a person to confide in? You didn't have anywhere other than journals to place your thoughts. Think about it. Notebooks can't even hmm and haw to indicate they're thinking about the problems you've just given them, they just keep track of it all. Sometimes even a group of friends can make you feel safe, connected and protected.

Talking to a good buddy of mine in Oz was saying how different people were there. They come and go and there are no solid friendships to be had. Those close friendships that are somewhat intense and bound by something serious can't be had out in the land of the sunshine, beaches and surfer's paradise. I thinks that's kind of sad. I've gone some time without someone to have serious open discussions with. It's horrible! It makes me feel depressed and stuck and pretty lonely. From this experience, I realized I'm more social than I thought I was.

Let's think about Freedomize now. I think for a lot of people, myself included, I feel like it's a safe place. A safe haven. A place to share and be involved in. Not only a place but a community. Cool thought. I think it's a great commitment to invite someone out to the church because it could mean that person might get involved and it's not just a church, it's part of your safe place, part of your community. I'm thankful every day that I got invited and decided to go. Things happen in strange ways all the time.

Hmm.. let's get this out in the open while I'm on this chain of talking all personal and stuff. I can be pretty clingy. If I'm in a place where I know one person, chances are I want to be by that one person. If it's my group of friends it's all good, if it's someone elses, it's like clingwrap mode. I'm doing better lately but I can imagine how mentally draining it can be sometimes on just one person. Independence is gold and comfort is silver. Just imagine if you read my blog every day with all of the crazy long wound about thoughts for a month straight. You'd probably scream at me and tell me you really don't have a need to know every little thing that I'm thinking about. Pretty rough.

Another little thought I won't elaborate on at all because I don't really have much. I like straight shooters! Makes life a little more simple. Rock!

K, so today I drove. All day. It was great actually. In trying to go to London with my bassist to pick up a bass we inadvertently went to Niagara Falls before realizing we were going the wrong way. Well it wasn't really the Falls but it was the sign that said "Buffalo" and "Niagara". We were like... "London?" After some backtracking we actually got there and back. We totally missed church though we made some pretty good time (considering) plus went 550km or so on a little more than half a tank. Though it wasn't awesome to miss FT this week, I know I'll be there next weekend. I'll chalk it up to things happening for a reason and that this week, the time I'll spend thinking or praying will be me alone.

Here's a new question that I got asked today. Am I thinking of membering at FT. I think I responded I don't know. I think we can change that to a maybe. That's I maybe thinking about possibly membering at the church. I think I'm going to ask some more questions about what it all means and what livingroom is all about and if it would be something that I'd find as great at the regular service is. I'm still in the mode where I'm mulling over my exact thoughts on religion, Christianity and many other things so I wouldn't want to be out of place. I'm sure the answers will come to me in time. For now, I'll listen and be patient.

I heard something today. "It's easier to be a Christian when you have Christian friends." True? I think so. Just look at me.

Anyway, I'm sure I've written to much, gone too deep and touched on some things that are close to me. Be gentle haha.

You all have an amazing night, morning, week and just cause, put on a big smile and think about at least one thing that you're thankful for. It just might change your day a little.

Love, peace and rock!

Was today supposed to weird?

2009-01-16T20:48:00.001-08:00

K, so there's lots of stuff going on in the city in the world, it's all a little on the crazy side. My sister is opening a new store in a few weeks, Ottawa's bus is still on strike, planes are landing on water because of birds (Canada geese?), we're having power outages or across the city in below minus 15 temperatures, it was my final day at my full-time day job, Steve Jobs is going on medical leave, let's not forget Gaza and Obama is being sworn in next week. It's a little bit of a change in news than the doom and gloom and maybe it's all for a reason? Maybe it means that we're not supposed to just sit tight holding our wallets close to us. The world still has to go round. I can't remember which magazine I looked at today but it said something like 250,000 of us stand to lose our jobs this year. There's the reminder of the doom and gloom again. I wonder how many magazines are focussing on recession talk? Anyway, I'm probably one of those people that are the least in the loop about the whole issue. I know it's not good and I know it affects me as a graphic designer.

Anyhow, with all these things wizzing around I had my last day at my full-time job. One would expect it to feel weird or epic. One might expect pitchers after the day to celebrate. One might expect a lot of things but it was business as usual. In fact I think the most interesting part of the day came just before a client meeting I was having at Starbucks. I was sitting working on my stuff and decided to try one of those sandwiches from the cool counter. I got the Italian Cheese, tomato and pesto on focaccia and the nice girl at the counter warmed it up for me. It was pretty good. Better than I thought and held me over till I got home for real dinner. Plus I ended up eating that instead of a double chocolate brownie which would have done little for my grumbling tummy. Before I had a chance to begin the sandwich I young dude started randomly chatting with me about my computer. I had upgraded recently to a new Macbook Pro. I'm actually a borderline Apple fanboy. Yes, the blinders are on sometimes and I apologize for my stubbornness. Anyhow, the guy wanted to know a little about the machine etc. Then after sitting next to me to discuss more I guess he asks a question I hadn't heard in a while. Maybe since grade school. "Do you think we could be friends?"

Now before I get reamed out for being cruel or anything like that, let me finish the story. I found it a pretty odd question and he continued almost to give me reasons why we should be friends. He's a nice guy and sensitive he says. I said that's cool, "I'm a sensitive dude too". I talked a little more with the guy to find out he's in his first year of nursing and just started in September. I didn't feel like he was threatening but I did feel odd about the situation. It's not often that someone might approach me out of the blue like that and nor does it happen vice versa. (there's a story there, just wait, you'll hit me). He was a little socially awkward as well and I know I can relate to that a lot. I'm an awkward kid 80 percent of my life. I don't have a smooth bone in my body almost haha. Anyway, I've got the guys e-mail address after he asked me to put him in my computer. I wonder what to do. I know the actions of a lot of people might be to totally write the guy off and not e-mail anything to him, treat it like it never happened. I know that that isn't the right action to take though.

On a social level, yes that was weird. My client saved the day almost by showing up and shortening the conversation. But this guy could have many reasons for his awkwardness. He could simply not have many friends and is reaching out to someone that happens to be me. Who am I to turn my back on someone in need? If I was in the same situation wouldn't I want someone to contact me? But is that thought process right? Am I guilting myself?

If we think about religious terms we know what the right actions are as well. I can't turn my back on this person. I'm not learned with the bible these days so I can't give any passages but if you simply think "what would Jesus do?" you'd get my drift.

The other side of this coin can be frightening and in any case I should exercise caution. I don't think that I'd like another face to face encounter with this person at this time but perhaps some of the mystery can be broken down via e-mail. It's all strange. Just like the past few months, I think this is another event that's supposed to happen. Weird sequences of events have led me to good things for months now and I'm truly thankful.

About a half hour later during a break in my client meeting I helped another mac user in the coffee shop with a problem on their computer. The elderly gentleman had some visual impairment as he explained. We talked for a little while as I awaited my clients return. He seemed like quite an interesting fellow. Why did this all seem so strange? I guess in the past week I've felt a need to help people in need but haven't done anything. I know lots of people are having a tough time at this time of year for one reason or another and as a friend, I'm super happy being a sounding board. It seems some others are piping up instead of my close friends.

Anyway, completely off topic to todays events, that not meeting people out of the blue thing... Over the holidays I got together with a few high school friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. A couple of them I hadn't seen for over a year. We were all in a booth at the local Turtle Jacks and I couldn't help but notice this beautiful girl sitting at a booth sort of across on the other row of booths. I think we kept doing the looking at each other and looking away thing. Like eye tag or something. I'm entirely awkward with any situation like this and with my lack of confidence I didn't even say hi. Something about it made me think that it wasn't a good thing she was looking at me, or perhaps she was just looking at my friend. What did I have to lose by saying hello? Anyway, hit me now, my hopeless romantic, pining person.

I guess this is a pretty personal post, I'm exhausted from the last week and going to bed super late so I won't even read through. Publish!

Love ya all.

Peace, love and rock!

Something about writing long things

2009-01-11T19:58:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure why I have a knack for writing things that are so far removed from being concise but it's just what I seem to do.

I could have probably summarized the below blog as. I went to Freedomize again and it talked about listening. We had a moment of silence and it gave me shivers. Well, you read the long version and tell me which you like better. I prefer the long way, more to it, more intricate, more personal. Less concise. haha.

I'm still on this journey and starting even more transition. I'm sure there's a ton of reflection to come, possibly some drawing. I'll have the time in about a week presumably.

Love ya,

Shivers on Sunday

2009-01-11T19:39:00.001-08:00

It's been quite a week and quite a weekend. Tonight for some odd reason I won't go into detail about many of them. I'll tell you about tonight instead. It's Sunday so I was at Freedomize again for another visit. I can't remember what number I'm on and I think that's great. I'm there to stay for sure so I'll stop with the counting. I keep meeting great people and wanting to talk endlessly to them. I think I'm a little socially starved at work, especially in the last few months. Since not too long ago I was in a lul of not meeting any new people for months it's pretty phenomenal.

The sermon this week was about listening. It rang pretty close to me. As I've explained a couple times before, sometimes I just love to close my eyes when I'm in a place and just listen. It's amazing what things you can hear when you take the time to listen. Obviously the sermon wasn't only about having these moments and more about the larger picture of listening and hearing what is being said as the main message. Still the entire idea was great. Kevin spoke after the pastor and gave everyone a moment of silence. I closed my eyes and could hear the hum of the city outside and the audio equipment. The shifting and squeaking of peoples shoes as they tried to sit still. Even light breathing of those around me. It gave me shivers. Have you ever been listening to a really great song and it gave you shivers in a particular part? I think there's been a few songs like this through my life. I don't have one right now though. I think I had more when I didn't drive though. If I was out with the parents at night or on a road trip I'd always have my phones plugged in listening to my soundtrack and would often close my eyes to focus on the music. There was always one song at each particular point in my life that would give me a shiver right down my spine. It's crazy how this happens. Yes FT is a little chilly at times but I'm sure it wasn't that. It's amazing what sound can do.

This week begins a little bit of a journey for me. I'm about to be unemployed and start spending days at home. A part of me worries that I will not use my time wisely, that I'll wake up late, I'll watch too much tv, I'll slack off and not be able to find a job. But really, it's not a large part of me. The larger part of me is excited to start being creative, to go to a coffee shop and work on creative ideas for a whole day then get home and start producing it all. To stay up until a vision is somewhat complete before it's lost. Hopefully to clear up some unfinished work I owe people. And perhaps, I'll be able to catch up with some friends for lunch or coffee during the week. I'd love that. A year ago, I went from one of the most flexible schedules to a highly fixed and busy 9-5 job thingy. It dealt with it fairly well though, making weekends my own, very separate from work. I think I have to be mindful of the late nights and make sure I don't get too out of whack with the daylight hours of the world. I'm sure there's lots that will help me along.

I think I'm just rambling now. I was going to watch a movie but I think I'd be better to pack my stuff for practice and read a bit. I have enough thoughts racing through my mind that I don't really need more things to think about. I will have Trainspotting to watch this week though. I recently saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was great and I highly suggest. I won't tell you a thing about it though. Not now. Too tired.

Night all.

Rock, peace, and love,

Sometimes things just happen

2009-01-08T09:52:00.001-08:00

Now I'm a believe in things all happening for a reason. (I feel like I've begun a lot of posts this way.) Sometimes things just happen, they change, they shift, sway and wobble. At first it can appear to be utter chaos, bad timing on the part of many things and a horrible mess of things that could have been. Then sometimes they all just snap into place and align. It's pretty cool when that happens and you can bet it doesn't happen all that often. Someone told me today that it could be divine intervention. I can't say for sure but it's good.

I'll keep this post short. Progress reports come the weekend. Coffee shop work session tonight. Let the creative calamity ensue.

Peace, love and rock!

Girls, God and Getting out of the house

2009-01-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've taken days off of blogging or something. There's a few things I had from the last couple days that I wanted to chime in on but just haven't had the time. Now is the time. The blogs are coming for you.

So Friday didn't work out exactly as I had planned. I woke up... late, got some work done for the day at a coffee shop which was really nice but late again and then I think I lounged around the house in the evening. I had an opportunity to go to a show but felt I wasn't exactly deserving from my stellar performance from the day so I had a little bit of a work out instead. I did squats for the first time in months and my legs are still recovering. I think it's a sign that all my talk of being more active should become action about being more active. I simultaneously watched dumb and dumber for the first time, most of it anyway. I think I capped off the night with a movie, pretty low key, pretty lonesome too. That's alright though.

Saturday was leagues better. I knew I was going to be off to a stellar party in the evening but wanted to make sure I did something with myself during the day. I woke up quite late again but the weather was gorgeous. Blue skies, moderate temperatures, all the makings of a great day. It's like when someone smiles at you. I didn't have all that much to do around the house and no one really to go see (well... Minus my friend who just became a mom. I've figured I'd give her a little time to settle in and now I think I'm on the late side of calling but I can't wait to talk to her and see how life as mom is going. So cool. Even though I'm not there yet.) I packed a bag and hopped in the car and drove out to rattlesnake point and spent hours just wandering around and taking a few snap shots. I think it was the best think I could have possibly done.

The air was perfect, the sound was almost silent and every step had that satisfying footsteps in the snow sound. The pathways were marked by endless shadows of the trees standing tall and bare in the winter sky. The shadows lie there still on the ground like planks I walk over. There is a hum in the distance of industry, a faint reminder that all this nature isn't far from me yet I rarely visit. I stop to hear the atmosphere around and birds chirp high above my head. Everything stands still. If I were to move to the city, I'd have to come to this place at least once a month. It's too precious to neglect.

I was pretty distracted by all the beauty around that for the first few hours I tore through about 300 photos. With a full memory card I began to simply walk and listen. I listened not only to the sounds of the wilderness but everything. Walks like this often generate thoughts that somehow seem more personal and pronounced. It must be the space and atmosphere. I walk and wonder about girls, god and what is going to happen in these next few months. Romance is never really too far from my thoughts. I'm an emo guy at heart looking for that other half, that better half that might appreciate me as much as I appreciate her. It's a lot to ask right now I guess. My thoughts on God were had a little more progress going on. I prayed a little even and it felt good. I'm finding myself in an interesting place. I'm excited that I'm going to church again and have told many people about it and answered their questions. My dad always told me, whatever you do, make sure you do if for the right reasons. For some reason I almost feel compelled to get this message out that I'm going to church again for the right reasons. Prior to meeting many of the people in the community of FT I hadn't met very many Christians that would talk about their faith. And for some reason even thought I was raised Catholic there's some sort of bad wrap that gets tacked on to the faithful. It's a really strange thing. It's almost like the world is much to cynical to take religion seriously anymore. I'll be believing what I believe should I wonder what others think about it? Weird questions I know. Finally, I'm not worried about the next few months but I've realized it's a moment where I can really shine. If there was a time to be creatively rich, it would be now. There's tons more that I thought about but I think I'll return to rattlesnake to finish off those thoughts. They're still in the oven.

Anyone who needs a little bit of a break from the city, a place to collect your thoughts or even a place to not think about anything at all, I'd highly suggest rattlesnake park on a great sunny day when it's snow covered. Sadly, I left before the sun set but next time I'll pack a little more, have a picnic or something and take a few snaps of the sunset. I think while it's still winter, I'd like to plan a day trip and go with a group of friends to walk around, hike and get tired. I was pooped and sweaty when I got back to the car and went straight for a nap when I got home. It was a great night and at the end of it all when I arrived back home from the party for bed I knew it was an amazing day.

There's some purdy pictures below. Enjoy.

Peace, love and rock!

I have a question for ya.

2009-01-02T17:55:00.001-08:00

Let's think about this for a second.

When will you feel old?

Right now, I don't feel old. I'm 26 going on 20. My hairline's kinda receding, I still feel like a young whippersnapper! I often wonder when I will feel old. I keep saying music will keep me young but at what point, what line will be crossed and I'll give in and start saying "I feel old". Will it be when I have a kid of my own? Will it be when I move out? Will it be when I throw out my back? Will it be when I have to go to bed early every night?

So really, when will you feel old? And if you do feel old, it's too early to feel old. I'm almost sure of it.

Rock,

A little too relaxed?

2009-01-01T22:48:00.000-08:00

If you're someone who likes to read entire blog posts, maybe you should get a tea for this one. I'm feeling pretty mirror like this evening. Maybe it's cause my brain thinks it's 9pm.

It's been a great break, lots of good times, lots of days to let it all hang out and do very little or nothing. A lot of time to think about life, love, the complexities therein, to think about faith, God and where it fit's in with me, to think about music and the things that keep me kicking day in and day out good day or bad. Time hasn't exactly gone by slowly through the break but I'm sure I have more timeless moments before the break is up and even then it's not the end of the world when I have to go back to work.

Anyway, today, as it's 2am I'm wondering if I've played the break too much as slack off time and haven't got enough things done. I feel unproductive and not particularly well rested. That being said I'm pretty content. I'm not worried about the time that has passed or feel that I need to rush to catch up. I try not to look back on times and think about all the crazy things that should have happened and how horrible it is that things didn't go to plan. I choose to celebrate things that did happen. Looking forward is better than looking back I think. I met some more new people and devoted some time to the family. Awesome in my books.

I do wonder sometimes how technology impacts my work. I just upgraded from my G4 Powerbook and have been spending copious amounts of time on the new laptop. Very little of this time has been work time though. It's strange. The computer is so much more capable that my previous computer yet I've been a facebook junkie like never before. The bad thing is that all this connectivity makes me want instant gratification and responses and lots of amazing things to happen based on random things I post and rant about. Then for some odd reason I'll get frustrated by lack of response and all of that. It's really foolish. There are so many other things I should focus on. I could very well use a lot of this time to research and learn for the impending job hunt in the new year. I guess it's all the nature of a procrastinator. It'll get done... tomorrow right? I've learned through much procrastination, the hardest thing to do is to start. Sometimes it's torture to begin but once the first effort is made, hours can be poured onto anything. The key is to start early as possible. (Let's take my own advice tomorrow ya?)

So tomorrow I'll have a rewarding day, wake up at a decent time, and get to some things I've put off and hopefully all goes well. There's one more weekend in the break and I feel that I need to earn it in some way. I don't need to rush, but starting to turn the wheels won't be too bad.

In the past week or so I'm sure you've seen a rise in blog posts. That's partly because of the freedom of the break and that I simply like blogging. After the Japan trip I really missed writing somewhere when I had random sequences of thoughts and no one to pour them out to or listen to them. This has been a great release and I think I'll continue at some sort of pace continually changing the subjects and levels of personal content. Every day is different and that'll all be reflected here. Something that I have a hard time with is having a lack of restrictions and with that I'll totally embrace this platform and try to run in all sorts of directions. I've found myself constantly inspired and moved by others blogs. They all ask such relevant questions that seem to make my day better, that make my brain more active than it's been the past few years and I love that.

So yeah, tomorrow, I'll do some minimal computer time and make some serious things happen. I'm sure I'll report back.

For now, it's soooo bed time. Sweet dreams.

Peace love and rock!

Let's make a moment!

2009-01-01T11:45:00.001-08:00

I don't know why but I feel like I should capture this moment. I wanted to be writing this maybe half hour ago but I'm now finally alert enough to make it happen. It's quarter to 3pm new years day and I just woke up. The house was generally quiet aside from my dad playing reggae music a room away. The sky is overcast but the wind looks still. It's a new day but it doesn't feel all that much different. I think what I wanted to capture was my waking thoughts, random as they are, perhaps parts of my dreams or something. I woke up to the phone ringing and I wonder if I had been talking in my sleep because I didn't have my normal super grit sandpaper voice going. I've been told that I do talk in my sleep. No one has told me what I talk about though.

Anyway, all that relationship stuff is on the brain. It's the nature of new years and that idealized count down where you hold your loved one in your arms and give them a big long sexy smooch when the clock strikes zero. It's the perfect ending to a movie that has cheese. Anyway, my thought that has no leads or attached thoughts. It's not an end to a long string of ideas, it's just in my head. "Let the love in." Wow. That's pretty cheese eh. I'm quite capable when I let myself. But yeah it makes sense right. Love doesn't happen when you want it to and often doesn't happen with those you want it to happen with, if you're open things may develop in ways you wouldn't think they would. I remember "the first love". We'd been together for a year and a half or so and were calling it quits. In the midst of the pain, misery, the late night argument that ensued, she told me that she had not always loved me. That when we started our relationship, she really wasn't sure and it just grew. That's always stayed with me. It means that everything doesn't have to be perfect right from the beginning. Nothing is perfect and relationships are supposed to have their give and take. I guess I'll tie it back all cheesy like. If she hadn't let the love in we would have never happened. And we all know I wouldn't be the person I am now.

A small note on new years. It was a late night, got home at 5, slept at 6, missed the sunrise, visited two parties, one of them twice, lots of people, okay conversation, much more than I could have asked for in any night especially new years, I'm grateful.

Eep, that's enough cheese reflection for the day, perhaps the week. I'm off to find some "requested" mac & cheese for a gathering later and actually put some food in my stomach.

Mmm breakfast

2008-12-30T16:37:00.001-08:00

I'm not exactly a fantastic chef or anything. Okay so I'm not good at cooking at all but I promise it's just from lack of experience. I can't wait to cook. I've got lots of it in my genes and tons of Jamaican and Chinese dishes to learn. Wantons, Spring Rolls, Curry, Chow Mein! Bring it! As a step in the right direction, I made pouched eggs today. Eggs benny is one of my favorite breakfasts so that'll be the next thing I prepare. If you look in the picture I bet you can tell which egg came first. I did alright I think and it was super quick. Forget Hard boiled, this is the way to do it!

Anyway, I'm running late for dinner so I had better skedaddle. Tomorrow is new years, the planning starts tonight.

Peace, love and rock!

Justin

The Go-Getter poster

2008-12-29T09:11:00.000-08:00

Here's the poster for the movie that enticed me. I forgot to mention the other thing is that Zooey Deschanel and Jena Malone are in it. I'm kind of a sucker for both of their stuff especially Zooey's. Another one of her's that I loved was "A Winter Passing". Great cast and story. It's Zooey, Will Farrell, and Ed Harris out in Michigan. Rent that one too!

The Go-Getter - A Justin Suggested moviefilm

2008-12-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

So I just finished a moviefilm whatever last night I quite enjoyed. It's called the Go-Getter. It's a wandering type love story with some nice subtleties. I never saw a preview of the movie and something tells me it might ruin the movie and the simple complexity thing it has going. So why did I pick it up in the movie store then? (yes, a rental) Well, it had a Volvo station wagon on the cover of it. An old one, a 240 for those who are familiar. Old friends would know that significance for me. We used to have a fleet here. My dad had a 740 turbo, my mom had a 850 and my sister had a 240. But if you count all the Volvo's the number comes to 6. 3x 240 (beige and two silver) 2x 740 (red and goldmember) and the 850. Wow all these numbers. There's something kind of inspiring about a roadtrip in a car with such personality and hmm... noises as an old Volvo. They're solid cars no doubt. One of the 850's we had we nicknamed the classic. It made so many noises that if you got into it for the first time you'd think it was on it's last leg. The key? Turn the radio up just a little bit louder. Sweet!

Anyway, if you're like me and appreciate a little bit of an emo story, star crossed lovers (without the cheese) and a story that makes you feel just a little less helpless, definitely check this out. The music is great and it's got a little quirkiness to it. I know I'm not doing this justice but if you for some reason decide to actually check the movie out let me know what you think about it. Did you like it, hate it, want me to give you money for the rental and wasting your time and money. Seriously. I'm gonna see if I can just buy it. I can't seem to rip it and I'm highly doubting I'd be able to find it anywhere else.

I'm totally rambling about nothing, it's a beautiful day, and there's so much to do and time to enjoy so I'm gonna get to it. Spring cleaning day and laundry. I'll figure out a reason to get out in the car today as well, anyone need taxi service? I'm up for it. Let's rock!

To anyone that's reading, put a smile on along with your shoes and jacket and get outside for a nice walk. I bet it'll brighten your day to hear the world around outside no matter if it's the sounds of traffic and the streets, trains in the distance, crazy shoppers, random conversation, the homeless looking for change, people stereos playing too loud, running water, birds and nature or the wind howling in your ears. Enjoy!

Love and rock!

Shorty Eh

2008-12-28T22:43:00.000-08:00

I guess by shorty I meant I was gonna write till I was dropping asleep. Holy smokes that's long.

A shorty while I'm full of ideas and a little bit of energy

2008-12-28T21:56:00.001-08:00

Hey all, haha addressing this as if I have readers. Sweet!

So today was Sunday and it was a great day. As it's the holidays it doesn't quite have that punctuation of rest as it had during the busy working time but it was a highlight of the week. I woke up with Cooper the dog giving me a good licking to the face. I responded quickly by turning over and falling back asleep. I sure showed him haha. Then the laughter and running around of my nephews and later my family at the breakfast table talking about me. Not in a bad light, talking about a friend I had met recently, me going to buy coffee and going to church later in the day. Like I said, nothing bad and I was still in a daze but it did wake me up. Something about hearing people talk about you to one another is super interesting. (there's the eloquent tongue I have) But yeah you hear their true thoughts, their concerns and all that. Ah things I would have missed if I was actually sleeping in my bed instead of the couch.

Don't think I don't like sleeping on the couch. When my sisters visit and we have a full house, I'm more than happy to give up my bed and grab a couch or even the floor. It's a little change and not a bad one at that. We really have all this space in this house so we might as well use it. The more the merrier.

Anyway, I spent the morning with the fam, not doing a whole bunch, breakfast, a little conversation, watching my nephews play, doing and errand or two and then I got ready to actually leave the house. After a much needed post-lunch nap, I departed for Freedomize visit 4. Good times for sure.

The high energy wasn't what it was the week before as it's fully family time and post xmas. The turn out wasn't super large but still there were familiar faces. I still struggle to remember names but every week I get a little bit better. The music was great as it always was, a little bit changed up but fun all the same. The biggest thing about the service today is how I felt like the pastor was speaking to me almost directly. No he didn't single me out or even look at me but the relevance in what he was speaking was quite high. It all sort of leads up to this decision and some of the thoughts in my little head. How long term will my attendance at Freedomize be and if and when I will go up for communion? In my mind they're both fairly large personal decisions and nothing I could make in a moment. I feel they're both things that should be quite conscious so I can actually mean it. The good is that I'm going to continue my attendance as often as I can manage and at some point when I'm ready when I decide a little more on my beliefs I'll take bread.

This experience thus far has definitely been quite different. I'm making the choices I'm making as an individual. In Catholic school you have communion for the first time, have confession for the first time and have confirmation all when it's planned in the curriculum. When others have decided it's time. It's an opt out situation as well so if you're going with the flow (like I did) you just do it and don't contemplate it all that much. Even after reading chapters on what it means and how it's all a choice and the meaning and significance of it all. I think because it was part of the curriculum it missed some of the point. I'm sure I did the work and answered the questions in the text book but highly doubt I contemplated what it actually meant for myself. Now I decide when I'm ready, I'm not all planned out, I start the conversation almost. I do thank Kevin for his words during service today and I'm sure to mull it over till my next visit, the day before my return to work in one weeks time.

After church I got to hang out with a few FT people which was pretty sweet, good eats, good company and more thoughts for myself for later. It's weird though, sometimes I wonder if my conversation is boring or something like that. Sometimes I can't quite think on my feet. I really think this comes from the fact that I work by myself essentially. I don't really play off of anyone, I don't often feel comfortable throwing out unfinished ideas and things from the pit of my stomach. I'm sure it's something to work on and will be easier as time goes on and I get to know people a little more.

There's been lots of talk of new years plans and right now my best option seems to involve wandering the city in search of some inspiration, personal reflection and whatever else while I take photos of the night. I'm not sure what's open, what busses are running, how busy it will be of even if I'll be able to find coffee but I think I could enjoy it. Mind you if any offers get thrown on the table I'd likely be swayed from my plans but we'll see. I think I'd like to take an opportunity to do something small at the very least instead of staying home falling asleep in front of new years specials. Perhaps I'd change my tune when I actually look at what type of weather we're expecting but we'll see.

Anyway, Cuba Libre is a potential name for the band I'm in. I did that little illustration as the first bit of anything I've done over the break. I'll develop it a little more and yknow give myself an upper lip but fun is fun.

Last thought of the night as I'm fading, someone said to me tonight, "You're supposed to be creative" and I couldn't agree more. I feel like I'm transitioning in to a more creative place in my mind and heart but I'm not quite there yet. This is definitely a little bit of a weakness given my last few years of getting comfortable and doing production type work. Now it's something I really have to work at. Maybe it'll be more rewarding now than it ever was before. By the way I did have an idea for the wood blocks. Key hole.

Anyhow I'm dragging and getting pooped, time to polish off a movie and race to find a good dream to get caught up in.

Love and Rock for the new year,

A little fun

2008-12-27T23:25:00.001-08:00

I decided to have a little fun today. Cuba Libre! Tell your friends.

So this is Christmas

2008-12-26T22:21:00.000-08:00

Ahh, what an amazing season of celebration, family and rest. By the way rest does not mean sleep. Even in French... I have yet to have one of my amazing sleep ins. The ones that your almost embarrassed to actually account for all the hours you spent letting your unconscious mind roam. I usually have a few good ones through the holidays just to make sure I'm all topped up when the new year breaks and work starts up again. I'm sure they're coming, but not tonight. I'm having J movie night, me and a movie. Sweet!

It's fully Christmas. Technically it's the 27th. Boxing day has come and gone and apparently malls weren't crazy this year. Perhaps the consumers in us are showing that slump in physical form. Either that or everyone was shopping online. Anyway, to us here in our household it still feels like Christmas day. We've still got all of our presents to open not to mention the energy of a 3 and 4 year old to fuel the party. Right now all is at rest but tomorrow it will be high energy again. My nephew has a knack for waking up at 5 or 6 in the morning ready to go. Since I'm sleeping on the couch on the main floor, I'm in play zone danger. We'll see what I can sleep though I guess. But yeah, we still haven't opened presents. I think for the second year in a row, it doesn't seem to bother me all that much. I think it's that I feel like the best parts of Christmas have already been fulfilled. I spend Christmas day visiting my sister and her fam then driving up to Thornhill to my aunts to join in xmas celebrations, not to mention amazing food. It had been 2 years that I missed out on their gathering which I've attended every year since I can remember. It's great to see everyone again especially as we don't have as many gatherings as the years go by and the family expands. Today I spent the day with my fam, sis, nephew and Cooper the dog. It was a great chill day. Presents are still nice but there's so much more meaning in everything else that's around at this point. Perhaps I'm being overly reflective about it but I guess it just feels good.

Anyhow, I have about half hour of a movie to finish up then some major sleep to catch.

Merry Christmas to all.

A very tired J

Hyper Church: Freedomize visit #3 and more

2008-12-22T18:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went back to Freedomize for my 3rd visit. I don't know if I mentioned my Sunday previous but I didn't end up going to FT. I had shopping, errands and various running about to get done in Mississauga. Sadly that took president. I did feel that the day was much less restful. It's a likely result from not taking that time to slow down on Sunday which the service allows me to do. It's similar in that way to my drawing courses through college. Regardless of how crazy it was we had to sit and draw and paint nudes 3 hours a week. Lots of people rushed out of there but I totally treated it as my relax time and enjoyed the fact that I couldn't work on anything else at the same time as I was drawing. Church is more than that or should be at least but it's one very good thing about it. The service being 2 hours along really emphasized that too. It's not a quick jaunt in.

Well I'm sure my ramblings show it but I'm really liking Freedomize. This week was all about love. The last Sunday before the end of Advent. The energy was high. Kat had a few friends visiting the church the night so I got to sit with a few new faces. The band led the service again but with another slightly different arrangement. Drums, acoustic guitar, bass, sax, a melodica (maybe) and 3 female vocalist. Anyone who knows my musical taste should know that I have a serious weakness for female vocals. Love it! Good cause the night was all about love. Very sweet melodies and upbeat songs started the night off. As we were finishing off the service I can't recall the song we were singing. Something about Sweet sweet sounds. Voices sung loud and it was truly a chorus of celebratory tones. It was so good that pastor asked if wanted to sing it again and a whole bunch of people went up front, took shakers from the band and carried on in celebration to do the song again and end it all off a cappella. There was so much good energy that I think I'm still feeling a little bit of it today. I'm sure it helped that today was one of those wintery days with lots of snow around and a clear crisp blue sky above.

Tonight I had to finish my last bits of my scaled back shopping. Coming out from work onto the street I was greeted by the lights and sounds of the city and the gentle dusting of snow in big flakes. I think I was in awe of the night until I got on the go after shopping was all done. I think sometimes I just feel more life going on in the city and snowfall is always a little special. It was another one of those great moments that are so simple that I wished I had someone to share it with. So I did haha. My geeky self texted a few close friends. I think it's really important to stop and be in awe. Sometimes that's all we need to make a day amazing. My night was.

Now I'm back home in the burbs and things have a little bit of a different tone. For some reason, I'm clashing with my family and the house feels a bit like a stress ball. Ah the holiday season, so simple and so complex. Anyway, I better go clean the bathroom and do a few productive things before I literally dive into my bed. I really can't wait. Last day of work for the year tomorrow!

Merry Christmas to all. Safe travels for all that are going anywhere and sweet dreams.

Peace, love (cause it's all about love) and rock!

Chess Anyone?

2008-12-16T19:20:00.001-08:00

So... I love Toronto right.

One thing I'm learning to love is the strange encounters with quite eccentric people of all ages and stages in their life. I think each day brings a new level of appreciation or perhaps confusion like today. Let's explains shall we? I was having a meeting with a client in Starbucks and nearing the end of the meeting a man looking slightly scruffy walked in and sat down at the table next to us. He was wearing a laminated pin on batch. I can't remember what it said. He had in tow a hard suitcase with rolly wheels with a sign on it. It said Mr. Plow or something on it. Then in large letters (cut out and taped on) Professional Procurator Expert Legal Advisor. I later noticed there was a long list on the opposite side of the suitcase, I'm sure it was all picture worthy but there I was without my camera. The man didn't speak English, it might have been Spanish. He was speaking to us none the less and we were quite confused. As the man sat down he began to settle as he was talking. He then opens his magical case and pulls out a chess board and pieces and begins to set them all up. At this point there was no one sitting opposite him. Though it was a little comedic at that point both of us hoped the man had someone to play chess with. We commented how he was so happy and though he made some very interesting motions to the pair of us with some hand motions I care not to explain implications of it was all good. He soon after moved to another spot with an opponent to start the first round of many I'm sure for the night.

What a strange goings on in such a main part of the city—Yonge and King. As I sit here wondering what it all meant I realize just how many people he must have mystified that day. For me, that made my night. How do you repay someone such as this that can make a seemingly ordinary night something that you might write on a blog. Something that's picture worthy and an obscure little caption in your life that you're likely to repeat to people you run into for a week until it's no longer in the front part of your brain. What a special man. I wonder if that's his spot, do I dare hang out there next Tuesday to see?

Any way you slice it, that was pretty fun.

Well, I have work to do now so this is J signing off.

Rock and love!

The week is capped off with visit #2 to Freedomize Toronto

2008-12-07T18:33:00.000-08:00

So today is Sunday–the day that caps off the weekend. What better way to end a week that felt a little weird then by playing it out just a little bit different than the last couple weekends. In previous posts I told you of my Sunday chill work sessions at the Jamie Kennedy cafe (now called Hank's). Today I was supposed to take my nephew to his last indoor soccer session for the season as winter is now upon us. The fam including the little one just didn't wake up all ready to tackle the -18 with windchill conditions to make it to a 10:30 soccer game so we hung out, ran a few errands and had some lunch before I was to meet up with a dear friend before Freedomize session 2.

End result is that the day was pretty phenomenal. For some reason it seemed to break the blahness of the week that came before and continued in the great vibe of the rest of the weekend. Fabulous!

We showed up at the church a little on the early side when they were still setting up. Pud the TDI was the transport for the day hence the early/on-timeness. Walking into the church this time was a little different than before. Still setting up they needed the lights on to see what they were doing. It wasn't as much of a new and fresh entrance and I thought in my head if I would have as good an experience as the week prior. Church was more about sounds in the background and ambience wasn't it? After a little chatting, they were all set up, the lights went off and a reading begun with ambient sounds, tones and drips of water. Like before, the tone was set quite well and we had most of our attention turned to the front.

The band leading was with a slightly different arrangement of people, same acoustic guitar frontman but instead of drums and bass, there was a ukulele. A sweet one at that. Picture a white glossy Les Paul, double binding, black headstock, but a ukulele. Awesome! Besides the novelty factor it was pretty awesome to hear the combo. Let's focus now people! Remember this is not a show and it is church and I spent my time through the songs listening, reading the words (mostly all new to me as I don't know any of the songs) and listened to those voices beside and around me singing along. Again this was definitely a celebration and I was happy to be there.

The speaker this week was Kevin. He spoke about consumerism and the xmas season and all of the conflicting thoughts Christians may face. I won't really go into it but his delivery was humourous with technical difficulties and it all came across as a good message with questions to discuss further. This is great because at this point in time, how many days before Christmas...? I haven't begun shopping for anyone. I'll be thinking about it through this week as I have to head out to the mall etc. and do that whole shopping thing.

At the end of the service, I find myself taking away a lot and to my surprise, I'll definitely be going back to Freedomize sometime soon. Who know's maybe next week? Say what you will about your own religious or faith experiences, this is definitely something that's good for me right now. In a season where there is so much rushing and worry take some time to reflect a little bit, pause or slow down one night a week. You'll appreciate everything that much more. In terms of my own beliefs I'm going to take it slow. I won't figure out where I stand in a couple weeks after an 8 year or so hiatus. So why rush it. I don't feel the urgency to make Jesus and God the focal point of my life or give them the large roles they once played right at this second so why force something prematurely? Time will tell. But for the moment, I won't hesitate to go to church and perhaps be a little confused. I think that's okay and someone has told me it could be a good thing.

Anyway, time to finish dinner and get all ready for a Monday work and then a meeting after work. I think I'll take some time after my meeting to take some photos of the city. I'm sure I can expect it to be a little chilly but there's always a little bit of accomplishment felt taking pictures and braving the cold. That being said, I'm still sporting my spring jacket a la t-shirt and AA cardigan. I havent' been dying for my winter jacket yet so I figure I'll just roll with it for now.

Soo starting to ramble...

Rock, love and peace,

Can't stop thinking or wanting to write.

2008-12-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

Well... it's been a long day and I'm uber tired. It must have been the late night last night. In a moment I'll put down my laptop turn over and I'll be asleep in no time. It'll be tomorrow before I want it to be, before I've had sufficient time to completely recharge. The weekend will begin in a whir of events, plans and for this weekend I think I'm just rolling with it. I'll enjoy the moments and report back when all is said and done and I need another weekend to recuperate the energy lost. And it will be worth it.

Right now I almost feel like I need to stay up longer till my head sorts itself out. I feel going to bed now will almost be like shutting off a computer in the middle of an important task. What am I thinking of you may ask? Everything.

What does tomorrow hold for me?

Where am I with my recent thoughts and reflections on faith?

What's next for me in my love life?

Is it a bad time for me to date?

What do I have to do to make January a success by finding a job?

Do I want to stay in the city I'm almost discovering for the first time or move away from it?

Friends I haven't seen in years but had really close connections with. What now?

Why do my eyes burn when they get tired?

Well it seems more questions are brewing but I'm crashing as I write this. I better turn off the light before I wake up in the morning with my computer on the floor, my lights still on and a crick in my neck.

Night all. Love ya,

And we're back!

2008-12-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today I thought I'd air my brain out a little on the idea of highs and lows. We all have them and no matter what side you place your perspective you have to agree that they're absolutely amazing. I've marveled at my greatest victories and my most triumphant (Ted Theodore Logan Esquire) defeats. I think it's important. A smile you can't shake off or tears you can't hold back or anywhere in between, sometimes you just have to appreciate that moment. Sometimes the appreciation only comes long after.

In the early part of this week I was experiencing a bit of a low. Nothing horrible, nothing pronounced, just a subtle nuisance. A feeling in my stomach I couldn't shake. I know it was a combination of things now, mostly weather and lack of rock! It sounds silly but music keeps me going, keeps me happy. It's almost like a really great relationship or at least a really meaningful one. When music morale is low, there hasn't been a practice in a bit, it's just like having a long break or long distance relationship. Crazy I know. Yesterday, the band got back together to almost jam. We were missing some gear apparently. After finding this out after driving into the city it was a bit of a bummer but tidying up the space and fixing our beloved fallen disco ball it all felt better, clearer, ready. I'm not usually a late night person during the week but I'm sure I got home around 3 after chilling out at a bar with the guys. (and getting my first parking ticket. ouch!) At the end of it all I got home a little out of it but awoke entirely groggy but refreshed... and groggy. And today was a fabulous day. Work wasn't any different, the commute to work wasn't any different, essentially it was the same exact day.

The end of the day had a little bit of a treat. I can't work that much at home anymore so I go to a coffee shop when I actually need to focus and get things done. My favorite spot just got a name today! It's the Jamie Kennedy cafe attached to the wine bar. It's now, called Hank's. It's all very interesting and curious to me. The communications aren't bad, just unexpected. It seems to have taken the position of a friendly local shop instead of a quality cafe. Interesting position considering their tables are marble, their seating is vintage and they're attached to a wine bar. I'm sure within a few more visits the name won't phase me and perhaps the regular crowd is who they're going to be aiming at. Chances are it will be a place that people will return to but the regular Second Cup coffee crowd, will steer clear of. Their location, a little out of sight much like the wine bar seconds this idea. I kinda like that. I have to admit, I rather enjoyed a nice cafe that no one knew about simply because it was the perfect work environment, good ambience and little distractions. Just enough noise to be sitting comfortably in the back of your mind. Anyhow, if you like coffee, espresso or really nice treats for 1.50-3 bucks, even lunches and sandwiches and tapas for 5-12 bucks it's a nice place. Make sure you stay for the atmosphere of the place, it's almost the best part. It's just south of Front and Church.

Man, I don't know why I'm advertising... please erase that slip from your memory banks.

Anyway, signing off, one happy camper.

Rock!

A visit to Freedomize. Yes... I went to church.

2008-12-02T09:20:00.001-08:00

So it's an interesting time for me. Looking for a job in the new year, hopefully soon after looking for a place to call my own even for a little bit. A good friend would definitely call this a transition period. It's almost like a step that I feel I should have taken some time ago. Anyhow, the spring will bring interesting things.

Within all of this, growth, movement, evolution to my person I've recently been thinking about faith or religion, or whatever you want to call it. God, Jesus and things that usually get people looking at you if you're on the street spouting out. It's been some time since I've been to a church. I stopped going sometime in high school, about the same time I think I wised up and starting thinking for myself. Even the once or twice a year visits on Christmas and Easter have halted. Don't think about it as a protest or anything of the sort. I don't think I ever thought to myself that God didn't exist or something like that but I guess I felt I had to be me and do the things I thought was right and grow as myself without anything imposed upon me. I follow rules pretty well and was one of those kids terrified of getting in trouble through school so I pretty much followed all those rules for all those years without thinking why.

I grew up Catholic and went through the Roman Catholic School Board and all. Kindergarden to high school. That's a long time to just follow. At one point I had this moment and realized a lot of what we called faith at that point in school was almost just something that we all did. There were few that were passionate about it all. It felt like we were all living this shell of a life. Like on Sunday when you went to church you couldn't wait to get out. Don't get me wrong, what kid wasn't like this growing up? But even growing up, it seemed like even some of the older crowd, my parents, etc were doing something similar. Maybe it's something with the times. Catholics that I speak to now, very few are the churchgoers they might have once been and quite a few have problems with the black and white version of life Catholicism gives off. Where's the understanding and interpretation that we all learn to approach everything in life with? I guess in the end, it just wasn't for me. Services were only an hour on Sunday morning and everything went along like a well oiled machine, a formal environment. I'm sure I'm not painting the same picture I see in my head but I guess the experience just wasn't for me. I didn't become a horrible person in the aftermath. I didn't become a troublesome teen. I didn't become a pottymouth or violent being. I just continued to be me and that's the person you all know. Me as me, a result of 26 years of love, loss, learning, defeat, triumph, disappointment, celebration, discovery, exploration, contemplation, quiet time, music, compassion and perception. Now where does my faith fit in and what do I believe now, after all of that? I'd call myself a more spiritual person, I enjoy moments.

So yeah.. after that huge tangent let's get to the point. This past Sunday I visited church for a service. It was not a Catholic church. A great friend invited me to her church and in this time of my life, I couldn't resist. I thought it was a perfect time and a great way to spend a Sunday evening. The church starts at 5 just by Roy Thompson Hall. It's called Freedomize.

Right off the bat, I was a fan of the atmosphere. This is where my vocabulary breaks down so bear with me. When you enter the main church part with the seating etc (don't know what it's called) it's dark. The only lighting is at the front and there is shadow cast through the whole church. You can see the light on the tops of the pews as a faint outline and silhouettes of those sitting, waiting for the service to being. There were projections of people faces near the roof above the alter. These were somewhat related to the surman. The service was led by a band singing songs I'd never heard before. Acoustic guitar, bass, drums, sax, and keyboard paired with many singing voices in celebration. In my mind, if I were to go to church, this is what it should be. It should be a celebration. People should be happy to be with one another and happy to be in a space to think about their own faith. The Pastor is a great speaker and spoke on Hope as it was the first Sunday of Advent. (No I'm not up on my religion haha. I was totally briefed before hand) In the end, my thought was simply this. I'm so glad that I got invited and more happy that I actually went. I'll definitely return to freedomize soon and we'll see where it takes me. I'm still unsure of my own beliefs but I'm sure I'll sort myself out. For anyone looking for a church that's a little different, that's relevant, welcoming and in a celebratory light, Freedomize is a good one to try out. They focus pretty intently on community and thinking and understanding. If nothing else, it's a great space to go to and clear your head, reflect and observe.

Anyway, still a confused puppy, I'm signing off.

Love, peace and rock!

It's my birthday

2008-11-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

So it's time. 26. Really? Already? I still feel 20. What does it all mean?

It might mean that I still live at home thus still feel 20 but there could be more to it all. There could also be much less haha.

So I guess at this point in my life I'm supposed to reflect like I normally do. Another year older just feels like a new day to me. A year doesn't pass in one day and at this point in time I'm really not bothered by numbers. I guess you could say a lot has happened in my life or anyones by the time they reach 26.

I was born, I crawled, I walked, I ran, I learned to ride a bike.

I spoke my first words, I mumbled, I learned to annunciate, I cursed under my breath and now speak openly.

I breathed in fresh air, I chose not to be a smoker, I was deemed allergic to cigarette smoke, I took a puff of things at a time and now never again.

I drank milk, I drank juice, I drank any pop, I drank lots of alcohol and now I'm mostly a savvy sober DD.

I was baptized, I learned about God, I had my first communion, I had my reconciliation, I had my confirmation. I stopped practicing Catholicism and started living how I think I should live. I'm back into thinking about God after many years of a hiatus. It's all in a different light now. Where has my relationship gone? I like that concept, "relationship".

I learned to play, I learned to do math, I learned how to spell, read and write, I learned how to type, I learned about physics then chose to learn about art and I'm still learning.

I've loved a lot and lost a lot, I've expressed a wide range of emotions, anger, rage, sadness, depression, elation, excitement, and what seemed like eternal "happyness".

I got a paper route, I got a job at a supermarket, I got a job climbing a big black tower, I got a job designing and I'm looking for another one. Got any?

I went to Florida, Jamaica, Upstate New York, Texas, Bahamas and Japan.

I listened to dance mix 94, I listened to Green Day "Dookie", I listened to "Alternative", I listened to punk, I listened to Emo and screamo and ska and everything now.

I learned to play the guitar, I learned to play the drums, I played in a few bands and I still play every Friday.

I've pined over dreamy girls, I've been the awkward guy, I got no game. After 26 years, having no game is my game I think.

I've made friends, I've made enemies, I disliked the ideas of enemies, I made more true friends.

I've learned to learn, I've learned to believe what I was taught, I've learned to question, I've learned to believe what I believe and now I don't know what I believe but I think about it often.

It's strange how many sequences happen through the course of the life. Layed out like this it seems like I'm a checklist of things that I've done like bungee jumping or getting a tattoo. Check! Life's so much more. At 26 I think the best thing I have going is how I see the world around me. I see it and I love it and life is good. It's not always easy and it's not supposed to be. It's not always fulfilling but there's a balance to it all in most cases. I enjoy some bad days, and even the bad days can be so much better if I crack a smile or laugh about it all. Nervous laughter even helps.

I dunno. 26. I think it means the same as 25. I don't need anything more or less, I still search for the same things like love and music. Maybe it's all just a reminder that there is a progression to it all. Maybe it's just a day that's all your to bask in the marvel that you were actually born?

I think in my case it's a day to reflect and ramble on your blog before heading into the city for another night.

Love you all,

So where am I? What's up?

2008-11-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

Me, I'm in Toronto. Well Mississauga wishing to be in the big city. It's not really all that big city any more. I remember being younger referring to Toronto simply as downtown. After going to school, working and almost living here for how many years (7 years if I'm counting right) it seems to have lots the iconic name. It still possesses a unique feeling to that of the suburbs but a different one than before. Perhaps it has something to do with downtown being represented by much more than Queen Street West. We can all confess to being fixated on the shops of Queen and Kensington Market in our youth years as where you wanted to be when you went into the city. Beaches? What's that?

Anyhow, since maturing a little bit I've been able to see a wide spread in the city and still find thing I get to places and have no clue where I am. It's kinda nice. Then again it's not too hard for me to not know where I am. Just ask anyone that knows me or has has the opportunity to sit shotgun in Pud the TDI. I think now in recent months, weeks and days Toronto is moreso a representation of other things and that is where and why I have a certain fondness for it. It represents freedom of sorts, transition for the next step of my life and opportunity. The city or cities in general have much more life at night than your suburbs that you go home to at night. How many people go home on a weeknight to the suburbs then go out for drinks or dinner or do anything remotely active or exciting? Save that hour commute and enjoy some of the night in the distillery or bloor west and get into all the stuff the city has to offer. If you have work to get done, go to a lovely coffee shop (not talking Starbucks here) and get a coffee any way you want it and focus on your task at hand. Your head will thank you for the atmosphere and surroundings of other people who want to do things not just in their professional careers, that's just silly, but helping out in initiatives, ngo's etc. City life seems more conducive to it all.

So where am I now? I'm in Toronto, at work, then I'm off to Ottawa to return back to the burbs on Sunday. Soon, I will find myself in a city. Which one will it be? Will it be yours?

Sometimes thought's need to go somewhere

2008-11-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

Get ready for full activation. It's been a progression of late but I think I have plenty of words inside of me that come out in jumbles and as many of you know, these words end up in your e-mail boxes as novels of the sky being blue on a particular day. Who wants that? Well maybe sometime I'll meed someone who does but for the mean time I've got to channel thoughts, ideas, general ramblings in one place. This is gonna be it. Writing in a journal isn't for me and I work on some private projects I hate the idea of all my words going into some place where only I can see. In terms of the last few months, a lot has happened and nothing has happened all at once. I'm sure I'll be detailing the small technicalities from time to time. Hmm. second thoughts. I could just be a facebook nerd and shoot everything up there having tons of notes thoughts and general unorganized chaos as a full representation of myself. Hmm. Maybe not. I'm sure I'll do a weekly posting of my life in photos, ramblings, links and hopefully it's all something worth checking out.

Please love and rock!

In and out of Shinjuku

2008-10-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

Some swank apartments in Tokyo.

On the way to Shinjuku, hmm kinda lost. We got there alright.

Lookie what we found!

Now that's pretty classy. King kong.

I dunno. Your guess is as good as mine.

Shinjuku at night. So much neon.

Japanese fro. wwwhat!

Another day in Japan

2008-10-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

The streets of Osaka

Just chillin

Just your regular size fish. Yknow 3 feet long.

Look! He's smiling!

They call this one a penguin kids.

These fish just stay exactly like that. They float. It's pretty weird.

Introducing the star of the show, the whale shark.

Spider crab named Bobby B

This is how thick the acrylic glass is for the whale sharks 4 story tank.

One of the craziest jellyfish I've ever seen.

Almost cute. I'm still scared of them.

I'm brewing tea. I have to wait till the minute glass is finished.

A cheese hamburg I believe.
In other words, a hamburger without the bun cooked in tinfoil. Kinda tasty.

This is the Aquarium from outside. Quite something isn't it?

I so should have got on this ferris wheel. I think there was a little
issue of missing the last free bullet train back to Tokyo.

And now...

2008-10-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

It's been super long since last I tried finishing this blog. Months in fact. Lots of changes have occurred in my life since and all the change is for the better (minus the lag on this). To those of you who know and love Joanie, you should know that we are no longer together. As many people say, if you want to know how well you will do with your partner, live with them. A month of close quarters brought about some realizations to both of us and we've decided to be all grown up and call it quits. It's strange when something so constant suddenly isn't anymore. Anyway, in the spirit of all things written previously in this blog, I shall continue to preach about the amazement of all I went and saw (and things I didn't see and have to go back to see as I'm told). Gap reunion in 4 years!! Save your money and keep your calendars open!

The third day in Tokyo - Post the Gap Adventure

2008-10-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

Photos from the 2nd day after the Gap Adventure

2008-05-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

Maya and Melissa.

More Astro Boy stuff.

Here's a picture of the Edo - Tokyo museum that we had gone to in the first days in Tokyo.

This is the craziest pile of bikes I've ever seen.

SUMO

Photos back out in Tokyo

2008-05-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Visiting Ikebukoro we saw this building. I thought it was pretty cool.

It looks like subway cars stacked up into the sky. And so I took a picture.

I think that's what I've amounted so many images on the trip. Trigger happy.

Take a look at one small shop in Akihabara.

I bought a watch near hear. There are small corridors with tons of cool stuff.

From super famicom to phones we have here (that are selling for 5 bucks).

It's all there. I even saw a Pirates of the Caribbean dvd player.

Also in Akihabara are about a million of these vending machines.

This is a store that has about 100 of them, lined up and stacked up.

You can get gundams, dragon ball stuff, everything surpassing what we

ever had in our vending machines as kids. Oh. there was also a change

machine by the door. Any parent in Canada with a kid would ensure

to stay way clear of this place. It's nutty!

For all those Astro Boy fans out there!

We went back to Yoyogi park to see the goths, the bands and the greasers.

We found some other fun friends when we were there.

This band was the spikeys and they were just strange.

Love the outfits!!

Check the Spikys setup! It's pretty pimp!

There were people practicing dance moves, choreographed singing routines, a juggler

And this guy too.

Another band with people walking by. I just love the concept!

This photo marks another change in our trip.

We were out in Ochidoricho. It's near the end of a private subway line called

the Tokyo Ikegami line. This means we were about half hour outside of the city.

We got stuck one night 3 stops away from our ryokan and had to walk.

Japan streets are so quiet at night outside of the city. It was almost a peaceful walk.

Here's a shot of our lodgings. Again. 30 bucks per person a night.

We had a closet and tv in this one too. Not too shabby.

Exploring Harajuku we came across the Audi Forum Tokyo.. basically the sales floor

for Audi in Tokyo. Many cars were present including the slick and crazy R8.

Also in Harajuku they have this 3 level t-shirt shop called UT.

Notice the canisters on the wall, those are all the different types

of t-shirts they have. They line the walls on each floor with different sizes.

How it works is there's one of every t-shirt on the floor and there is a tag

that associates to an electronic tag below each of the canisters. Find the T you like

find the canister, pick it up and purchase! done!

Photos from the last day of the Gap Adventure

2008-05-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

The hall in the Tagaogi ryokan in Kawaguchiko

The group piled into the bus and we were off again. Heading back for Tokyo.

We waved goodbye to our karaoke bar hang out.

It was a bit of an ugly day when we left kawaguchiko.

Yup. Just thought this was cool. Random gnome watching from the roof above.

Riding in this train brightened our day.

Check out the leg room!!!

The crew! Pam, Laurren and Maya!

This photo just looks like there's a photo behind it.

Not so much. We were headed out to Shibuya!

Look at me! I look so happy! I love going out to take photos at night!

And going out to take photos at night in Tokyo! My favorite place yet!

It was like umbrella city.

Really umbrella city. This is Shibuya crossing.

I posted a picture of this before but it's amazing with all the umbrellas.

I think we caught one of the last trains back to our hotel cause look at how crazy this is.

Photos from the second day in Kawaguchiko: Mt Fuji Climb

2008-05-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

We saw some pretty amazing terrain and sights while on this hike up Mt. Fuji to the 5th station as I've posted before. But this shows a little bit of how nicely it started of and that in no means could we know there was snow before station 5. Look at how nice it all looks.

Near the Temple at the bottom of the hiking path Joanie

continues her path as a tree hugger.

Japan has cool monkey statues! This was just near station 1.

I'd love to know the history of this little piece. It's great.

There were two facing each other if I recall correctly.

The path is well worn and was the same path walked up Mt. Fuji way back.

Notice the part of the path where it splits and one path traverses across.

That's where we were headed and it all seems so attainable on the little piece of stone.

Nothing to worry about right?

This was a very cool broken down shack at station 2 or maybe it was 3.

Mil was commenting on our determination in the hike.

It wasn't an easy one and at this point we had just gone through

a whole bunch of wooden steps. After walking all morning our legs felt a little heavy.

It would almost seem that we were the first

group to hike up from the bottom for the year.

There was a lot of destruction, fallen trees etc that

made the path that much more interesting.

The snow begins. We all know how it ended. If not, just click on

the post about climbing Mt. Fuji to get the whole story.