Within all of this, growth, movement, evolution to my person I've recently been thinking about faith or religion, or whatever you want to call it. God, Jesus and things that usually get people looking at you if you're on the street spouting out. It's been some time since I've been to a church. I stopped going sometime in high school, about the same time I think I wised up and starting thinking for myself. Even the once or twice a year visits on Christmas and Easter have halted. Don't think about it as a protest or anything of the sort. I don't think I ever thought to myself that God didn't exist or something like that but I guess I felt I had to be me and do the things I thought was right and grow as myself without anything imposed upon me. I follow rules pretty well and was one of those kids terrified of getting in trouble through school so I pretty much followed all those rules for all those years without thinking why.
I grew up Catholic and went through the Roman Catholic School Board and all. Kindergarden to high school. That's a long time to just follow. At one point I had this moment and realized a lot of what we called faith at that point in school was almost just something that we all did. There were few that were passionate about it all. It felt like we were all living this shell of a life. Like on Sunday when you went to church you couldn't wait to get out. Don't get me wrong, what kid wasn't like this growing up? But even growing up, it seemed like even some of the older crowd, my parents, etc were doing something similar. Maybe it's something with the times. Catholics that I speak to now, very few are the churchgoers they might have once been and quite a few have problems with the black and white version of life Catholicism gives off. Where's the understanding and interpretation that we all learn to approach everything in life with? I guess in the end, it just wasn't for me. Services were only an hour on Sunday morning and everything went along like a well oiled machine, a formal environment. I'm sure I'm not painting the same picture I see in my head but I guess the experience just wasn't for me. I didn't become a horrible person in the aftermath. I didn't become a troublesome teen. I didn't become a pottymouth or violent being. I just continued to be me and that's the person you all know. Me as me, a result of 26 years of love, loss, learning, defeat, triumph, disappointment, celebration, discovery, exploration, contemplation, quiet time, music, compassion and perception. Now where does my faith fit in and what do I believe now, after all of that? I'd call myself a more spiritual person, I enjoy moments.
So yeah.. after that huge tangent let's get to the point. This past Sunday I visited church for a service. It was not a Catholic church. A great friend invited me to her church and in this time of my life, I couldn't resist. I thought it was a perfect time and a great way to spend a Sunday evening. The church starts at 5 just by Roy Thompson Hall. It's called Freedomize.
Right off the bat, I was a fan of the atmosphere. This is where my vocabulary breaks down so bear with me. When you enter the main church part with the seating etc (don't know what it's called) it's dark. The only lighting is at the front and there is shadow cast through the whole church. You can see the light on the tops of the pews as a faint outline and silhouettes of those sitting, waiting for the service to being. There were projections of people faces near the roof above the alter. These were somewhat related to the surman. The service was led by a band singing songs I'd never heard before. Acoustic guitar, bass, drums, sax, and keyboard paired with many singing voices in celebration. In my mind, if I were to go to church, this is what it should be. It should be a celebration. People should be happy to be with one another and happy to be in a space to think about their own faith. The Pastor is a great speaker and spoke on Hope as it was the first Sunday of Advent. (No I'm not up on my religion haha. I was totally briefed before hand) In the end, my thought was simply this. I'm so glad that I got invited and more happy that I actually went. I'll definitely return to freedomize soon and we'll see where it takes me. I'm still unsure of my own beliefs but I'm sure I'll sort myself out. For anyone looking for a church that's a little different, that's relevant, welcoming and in a celebratory light, Freedomize is a good one to try out. They focus pretty intently on community and thinking and understanding. If nothing else, it's a great space to go to and clear your head, reflect and observe.
Anyway, still a confused puppy, I'm signing off.
Love, peace and rock!
J
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